• Bridge Ladies

    Bridge Ladies When I set out to learn about my mother's bridge club, the Jewish octogenarians behind the matching outfits and accessories, I never expected to fall in love with them. This is the story of the ladies, their game, their gen, and the ragged path that led me back to my mother.
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You Talk Too Much


c5ba317f858300d917a43b9254820b18I was defending my decision not to go back into therapy to my husband today. The time. The money. But mostly the agony. For the first time in my life I’m happy with my misery. Do you feel me? I always went to therapy to change. Then I realized (after 30 years) that I was never going to change and was happy for “awareness”. Happy to stop acting out at every family gathering. Then what? Please don’t get me wrong I think therapy is critical for many people and most writers. But I’m no longer willing or able to jump down the well and climb my way out with a spoon. I’m okay with crying at the dry cleaner for “no reason.” I understand that given the chance to imagine the best or worst in something I will always go for the latter. I’m okay with the voices in my head. Though they could be a little nicer.

Is this a cop out?

12 Responses

  1. Not a cop out just practical once we know we aren’t going to live forever!

  2. That’s weird, I can’t imagine you being married. Is there some reason your husband thinks you should go back to therapy? Does he have a GOOD reason for you to go back to therapy? He sees things that you don’t. But, if you don’t want to go into therapy right now, it is not going to be helpful for you to go. Therapy doesn’t work unless you are a willing participant. If you are okay with yourself for now, fine, don’t go to therapy. When you feel worse, then go to therapy. (You have changed over the 20 years, we always change.)

  3. Best cop out ever. Always do what you want. Never what you don’t.

  4. Not a cop out, an opt out.
    Clearly you have gained some personal insight over the years and if this insight gives you strength towards how you want to be, then go for it. You can always change your mind.

  5. Medicine is often a bitter meal. If it were too sweet we’d overfill our plates. Maybe your husband needs a a hearty helping.

  6. Not a cop out – I like what Tina said too. (it won’t do you any good if you don’t want to be there.) Besides, it sounds like all of the therapy sessions you’ve had have done their job. Is therapy intended to change you or make you aware? I’d say the latter, hence, SUCCESS!

    “Happy to stop acting out at every family gathering.” Ho boy, have I bit my tongue more times than I can count at those. I need to take a page from your book.

    • Hey Donna, about thirty years ago at a family gathering (my husband’s family) I decided to keep my mouth shut. They were wrong, I was right and yet, that I had to win the argument kind of floated away like Uncle John’s belches after too many onions…lingered for seconds then gone. It was nice.
      I have gone off the rail a few times since but regarding actions – nice is better than nasty, even if your tongue swells from biting it.

  7. You make me feel better about crying at the dry cleaner. But I don’t know the answer to your question.

  8. Sounds brilliant to me. Congratulations! Declaring ‘enough’ has the power of quasars and mustard seeds.

    (Loved that image of well-diving and spoon-crawl-out. I’m semi-retired, too, from hard labor of delving).

    “I stop thinking, swim in silence, and the truth comes to me.” –Albert Einstein

  9. Not at all. It’s similar to your advice about writing — finish the fucker; you’re done, now what? Imagining the worst is a safe bet — either way it turns out, you’ll rarely be disappointed. Messing with medications, though, that’s a different matter — be careful.

  10. Therapy, like any other medical procedure, should ultimately be your choice to pursue or not. You saw its worth and applied it to your life. If you feel comfortable in your life now, and you can recognize part of that is from the therapy, then it’s done its job. Most especially if you are capable of accepting yourself for who you are, faults, flaws, and all! I say congrats and that you are most certainly not copping out.

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