When I set out to learn about my mother's bridge club, the Jewish octogenarians behind the matching outfits and accessories, I never expected to fall in love with them. This is the story of the ladies, their game, their gen, and the ragged path that led me back to my mother.
Cougar I
Highlight of my day: a fuzzy faced man-boy at Starbucks took my order. I asked if he could grind the pound of coffee I was buying. He said, “How would you like me to grind it?” I said, “I would like you grind it really hard.” No, I said, “for press.” And he said, “French Press?” And I said, “yes.” And he said, “Nice.” Yes, I’m not above a little cougarity once in a while. And yes, a little validation for my coffee method goes a long way.
Cougar II
Low point of my day: I had the kind of conversation today with a publisher that makes you want to pull all the books off your shelves, make an enormous pile in the middle of the floor and light a match. Then you can strip off all your clothes and dance around the fire until it, too, consumes you.
Cougar III
Medium point of the day: I finally got started writing those damn letters asking friends and acquaintances for help promoting the book. Why do they all sound like barf on melba toast? Is the phony banter completely transparent or partially? Should I not be offering lap dances? Could I possibly be this perky? IDK.
P.S. Thanks so much for all the great ideas and invitations that came through after my brazen bid for help with self-promotion. I also got some exciting emails and invites through my askbetsy box. Thank you thank you thank you.
p.s.s Cougar III is for you — you know who are.
Betsy Lerner 
Purrrrrrrrrrr
Gave up my cougar career after my oldest son and his friends turned 20. The eew-scary factor kicked in.
Looking forward to the new edition of TFFTT. No lapdances needed to make it a sure success. Unless that’s what’s floating your boat these days. If so, I’ll see if my university’s writing department is in the market for that sort of thing.
Can you still be a cougar if you’ve married a cub? I thought cougars were predatory and promiscuous, not domesticated and devoted.
Love the dialog with Coffee Boy, even without any embellishment. Rawr!
My high and low point of a day last week…
I am at the gym, working hard on these menopausal abs and a man/boy saunters up and says, “Hey, do you want to have sex?” (Yes he really said that.) Just as I find my voice my son comes up behind me and says, “Oh, mom I see you met my friend Randy.” Turns out they are in freshman English together.
Ok Mrs. Robinson what do I do now?
No cougar town for me, not as long as my three sons are in town anyway.
Why yes. Yes, I do. And thank you.
Okay, one of you have to do it: “The Diary of a Cougar:
Hot Days, Hot Nights.”
No, it’s not for me. I’m a cougar from afar….far, far, away….because it’s always been Al…
A young guy came on to me a few weeks ago, and I immediately ruined all his hopeful notions of cougar-ish sophistication by doing that cartoon double take to see if he was talking to someone behind me.
Thank you for linking to foodcourtlunch.com. There goes another potential productive day!
My boss told me he wanted me to answer phones “like a perky 18-year-old girl.” I said, “Mr. Boss, I am a middle-aged man. I can do polite and professional, but I haven’t done perky since Nixon’s first term, and I haven’t done drag since his second.” Mr. Boss keeps me on, anyway.
As for those self-promotion thingies, you have my every sympathy. The best I can ever do is, “Just read my damn book. Please.” It never works.
Mmmm… lap dances….
“…haven’t done drag since his second.” Love it! I often think about remembered events, experiences, or attitudes in context of who was president at the time, as in, purchased a pair of Sassoon-brand blue jeans, and thought, “The last time I wore Sassoon jeans, Jimmy Carter was president!”
I like the “first term” then “his second [term]” variation. Nice.
This has nothing to do with cougars wild or wilder, but I read all the 50+comments about promoting your book and failed to see the “Amazon Bestseller Gambit.” Since August seems to be the most proactive I suggest that you and he set it up.
Basically, you set a time, say 8:00 to 9:00 pm after Amazon book buying dies down. Spead the word amoung ALL!!!! the Besty Boosters to buy the book from Amazon during that time period on the release date. If enough do this, the book will rocket up to the Amazon Bestseller Top 100. Top 10 or even #1 Amazon Bestseller.
It may stay there for an hour, for a day, or for a week. but that makes no difference. ONCE AN AMAZON BEST SELLER – ALWAYS AN AMAZON BESTSELLER. An you can have new jackets or stick ons proclaiming just that: “Amazon Top Ten Bestseller”/ “#1 Amazon Bestseller.” use on all correspondence, promotional materials, speaking engagements , etc.
As the Good Book says: She that beateth not her own drum, the same shall not be beaten.
My first lover was educated by a cougar. No stick shifts in the back or narrow dorm beds. I still wish I knew her name so I could travel to NYC and toast her over a nice meal. And no, it wasn’t Betsy because she was only a kitten then.
I’ve already told all my students the book is coming out soon in a new edition. I’m not anyone–a writer and writing teacher in Arkansas–but I would love to help promote it on my blog. I recommend the first edition frequently to my students (I know you’re “over” the first ed, so that probably doesn’t recommend me). Other blogs to consider alerting would be the Fiction Writer’s Review and Erika Dreifus’ The Practicing Writer blog–both have a lot of readers.
Actually, I review for Fiction Writer’s Review, so if you want to send me an advance copy, they’d probably love me to review it. Stephanie Vanderslice 1305 Davis St. Conway Arkansas.
Whoops. Zip code: 72034.
Thanks — will do. Betsy
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