Betsy Lerner

You Can’t Hurry Love

Posted on December 1, 2009 by betsylerner

I suffer from the medical condition known as ICP ( Impulse Control Problem). This usually manifests in saying the most hurtful and/or obnoxious thing that pops into my head at a holiday gathering or dinner party.

I’ve noticed that a lot writers also suffer from ICP. You finish writing something and bang! you send it to the New Yorker. Or to your editor, or agent. Or your bff. You know you should sit on it for a month, or a couple of weeks, or hours, even ten minutes, but the desire for feedback is overpowering, the desire for confirmation that you are, indeed, on fire. One symptom of ICP is sending multiple drafts before hearing back from the person you sent it to. Stop! Read this draft instead!

Writing takes time, even when it comes out in a torrent. You need to understand your work and practice your craft before seeking feedback. Plus, having other people read your work too soon fucks with your head, to put it plainly. It’s like a giving a patient a diagnosis before all the test results are in. If you need immediate feedback, ask someone on a date or, my tried and true, step on the scale. But your writing, protect it. There is always time to expose it to the sharp air. If you can: wait.

A lot of people ask me how to know when it’s ready. How? How?

Filed under: Writing | 30 Comments »

Revision: A Pop Quiz

Posted on November 30, 2009 by betsylerner

TRUE OR FALSE:

True or false: Writers lie with abandon about how much they revise.

True or false: Some writers say they are revising when, if you ask me, what they are doing is playing with their food.

True or false: Most writers, at first glance, resist editorial advice even as they yearn for it. No matter how expert the editing may be, it’s a violation first, a bandage second.

True or false: The best writers take editorial advice and transform the work by truly rewriting, brutally cutting, deepening, etc.

True or false: Some agents and editors hate it when writers send a memo detailing why they didn’t take certain edits.

True or false: Nabokov replied to editing with a “thunderous stet.”

True or false: Stet is the latin word for “eat me.”

True or false: If you had to retype your entire manuscript, you might give up on it.

True or false: If a gun were put to your head and you had to cut 20% of your book, would it be better off?

True or false: James Franco is doing a guest spot on General Hospital.

Filed under: Writers, Writing | 17 Comments »

Life Used To Be So Hard

Posted on November 29, 2009 by betsylerner

I did something really radical over this long holiday weekend: I took off. And I read for pleasure. Pleasure. No manuscripts. Just. What. I. Wanted. To. Read. I read Nicholson Baker’s The Anthologist, which my best friend from graduate school gave me. If you give a fig about poetry, don’t miss this book. It’s dishy and funny and all too true about the bitch-fest aka the world of poetry. It’s terrifically entertaining and sad and sweet. Really, I laughed my ass off, but then again I’m always up for a good discussion of trochaic verse.

Also, I’m a die-hard Philip Roth fan. ( I can’t stand it when people say they hate Roth because he’s misogynist. That’s precisely why I read him, among other things. That said, were you to reject him on those grounds, this book would give you ample reason, and yes I’m talking about the strap on dildo three-way with two young women and our aging protagonist.) Look, not one of his better novels (should have been packaged with his last two as a collection of three novellas if you ask me, which no one is), but there was still one thing I loved about it and am glad I read it because I’ll remember it my whole life.

I also caught up on a few New Yorkers. I find when you have a backlog of more than a month or six weeks of New Yorker magazines it really gets to be a burden. Still, I fell in love with this poem. And I read two of Sam Shephard’s short stories from his forthcoming collection. I was crazy about them, and still find myself thinking about them. Anyone read anything good over the holiday break?

Filed under: Uncategorized | 19 Comments »

Am I Blue?

Posted on November 25, 2009 by betsylerner

When I was struggling with depression in my twenties, there was nothing I hated more than hearing people wish one another a happy holiday. In the first place, it was fairly certain that I would wind up in emotional tatters during some part of the holiday weekend with my family. And second, the isolation of depression is only heightened when the expectation (sham?) of loving togetherness is intensified at holiday time.

Then, the film of Ordinary People came out. After the Mary Tyler Moore golf scene, my next favorite scene is when Timothy Hutton has a soda with a girl he met in the loony bin. When they part, he wishes her a happy holiday. She replies, “it’s going to be the best Christmas yet.” She doesn’t live past new year. What is my point?

Even now, twenty years later, I still rankle at the exchange of holiday wishes. I extend them myself: in person, on the phone, in email. I’m a regular well wisher. I have, for all intents and purposes, joined the human race. But it also rings hollow and sad to me still.

With that, I love you and leave you until Monday.

(Have a good holiday & don’t take any bad acid.)

Filed under: Uncategorized | 10 Comments »

Tonight You’re Mine Completely

Posted on November 24, 2009 by betsylerner

The great paradox of my life as an agent is that I am able to walk through fire for my clients while I can barely ask for anything for myself.

I have clients who can’t ask for what they need. I try to fish them out of the water and pump their stomachs. I have some who love to ask in a roundabout way. And those who squall.

Does the ability to ask for something determine the chance of getting it? I always remember a line from Rocky Horror Picture Show (I know, again with the high-minded references) when Riff Raff says he wants nothing and Dr. Frank-N-Furter lashes back, “and you shall receive it — in abundance.”

The writer’s life is a limitless series of frustrations. The only thing you have control over is the actual writing. Every other step of the process demands that you ask for something. Will you be my agent? Will you publish my book? Will you blurb my book? Will you review my book? Will you Tweet my book? Will you come to my reading? Will you buy it? Will you read it? Will you like it? Will you fuck it? And most important, will you still love me tomorrow? Is it any wonder we’re all a bunch of nutters?

Filed under: Authors, Books, Writers | 11 Comments »

I’m Just a Love Machine

Posted on November 23, 2009 by betsylerner

Dear Betsy,

I start most workdays by reading the latest post on your blog, particularly apt given that I work in publishing. I am however a young fledgling (aka editorial assistant) and lately I’ve been wondering how you and others have bridged the gap between editorial assistant and editor. Where I work there is a nice name for it, assistant editor, however it is not much more than a title. From what I’ve seen, you have to either be in the right place at the right time (another editor drops off) or you wait and wait and wait and finally are rewarded for your perseverance. I wonder if this is common across publishing. What was your experience like and what have you seen? Any suggestions?

Fortunately or unfortunately, I am itching to edit after being an assistant for almost two years. Maybe it is because I work in academic publishing, but all the editors I’ve seen are a decade or two older than me. Where are the young editors?

I should clarify that though I work in academic publishing, my interests are with fiction and literary publishing.

Sincerely,

Dearest, Darling Editorial Assistant:

Going from assistant to assistant editor to editor are the most difficult rungs on the ladder. It’s easier to go from marketing manager to head of sales, or CFO to CEO. At least it used to be. I began my climb 25 years ago and everyone said it was extremely difficult then. We had a pool among the assistants betting on which assistant would drop next, and by drop we meant head to law school or grad school.

You’re doing one thing right: reading my blog every morning. This is as nourishing as a good breakfast.

You’re doing one thing wrong: waiting. You should be finding the young scholars, you should be reading journals your boss isn’t, attending conferences that are a little off the beaten path. You’ve got to bring in a book. If you don’t want to be in academic publishing get out asap. It gets more difficult later. But no matter where you go, you must make yourself indispensable.

Before anyone asked me to edit, I made copies of my boss’ projects and edited them at home, then compared my version to his. It was a self-tutorial. Eventually, I asked him why he did this or that, and he was impressed that I was reading and taking notes. Then he gave me a book to edit when the right one came along. I hated that book, btw, but it was good experience.

Finding books is the most important job an editor does. Until you have an expense account and a bevy of agents who send you their projects, you must go to readings, read blogs and on-line magazines, network, talk to booksellers, get invited to conferences, look under rocks, etc. etc. And if you find a young writer who isn’t quite ready to publish a book but has tons of promise, then keep in touch. This is a business of relationships, contacts, and drive. It’s not about being in the right place at the right time. There is no right place, and no right time.

Filed under: Editor | 5 Comments »

The Ten Commandments of Collaboration

Posted on November 22, 2009 by betsylerner

1) Thou shalt not censor. Both partners need to feel completely free to float ideas no matter how idiotic.

2) Thou shalt control thine ego. No crying, whining, bullying or icing. No temper tantrums, passive aggressive maneuvers, or diva moves. No pouting, sulking, or “innocent” jabs.

3) Thou shalt be on the same page. More difficult than you think. Both writers must share a basic, core belief that they share a vision and equal ownership of the project.

4) Thou shalt watch thine partner’s back. i.e. control those sadistic impulses. Yes, you.

5) Thou shalt share a work ethic. How do you define a work day? Four hours? Eight hours? Eighteen? How many naps?

6) Thou shalt not be a credit monger. The first writer to yell, “That was my idea,” gets a time out.

7) Thou shalt have fun. And by this I don’t mean smoke tons of weed unless you’re Judd Apatow and Seth Rogan.

8) Thou shalt not sleep with your writing partner. (Unless you’re Judd Apatow and Seth Rogan.)

9) Thou shalt snack. The host writing partner should supply an assortment of junk food and apples.

10) Thou shalt know when to move on. That would be before one writing partner is found in pool of blood and the other is getting finger-printed.

(Am I missing any?)

Filed under: Writers, Writing | 9 Comments »

I Hate Myself For Loving You

Posted on November 20, 2009 by betsylerner

Okay — I’m not going to pretend that I’m not thoroughly moved by the hilarious and painful responses that have flooded my inbox all day. Were you to have seen me anywhere today, at the butcher, the gym, Executive Cleaners, St. Dunkin’s, you would have seen a girl with her head in a prayer-like position reading her Blackberry, blown away by the comments coming in.

Am I nuts or is there a book here? A collection of hurtful comments that writers are subjected to that also defines in some essential way the core struggles of being a writer: no one caring, no one waiting, being exposed, being suspect, being trivialized, or worse, being a dime a dozen.

I know I identified with almost every comment. We could call it THE BOY WILL COME TO NOTHING (a quote from Kafka’s famously cruel and discouraging father) and I would organize the book into five sections, insults from: parents, friends, siblings & other relatives, random people at cocktail parties & other gatherings, and (probably the worst) insults from other writers.

Then, I’d look for a top drawer agent to represent the project who was known to be fearsome and intellectually rigorous, gracious to a fault, fun and pretty. Oh, that was easy. And then I’d try to sell it to a really fun publisher who does great packaging with books like these such as Workman, or Chronicle, or Running Press.

Does anyone else see a book here? Could we scare up another 100 comments? I would donate all the money to literacy or a good cause we could all get behind.

As my brilliant client and mega-blogger Heather Armstrong (Dooce.com) says: it’s time to monetize the hate.

Filed under: Books, Writers | 24 Comments »

You Light Up My Life

Posted on November 19, 2009 by betsylerner

What a relief!

When my husband finished his first book, he gave it to a friend to read. When our friend finished the book, he called and said, “Well, it must be good to find out you’re not Shakespeare.” What exactly did he mean? Is anyone in danger of thinking he is Shakespeare? Was it supposed to be a relief, joining the human race, or being taken down a peg, or a few thousand pegs? Did the book suck, or did it not suck? The only thing I am certain of is the effect of that scorching comment.

Writing is hard!

Just to be clear: I’m not Shakespeare. I’m not Kate Moss. I’m not Johnny Depp. Not Saul Bellow. I’m not Denis Johnson. I’m not Malcolm Gladwell or his agent, sadly. I’m not John Lennon. I’m not Squeaky. I’m not the person I most detest. Well, that’s a relief.

What is this post about? Random, hurtful remarks not meant to wound that can stay with a writer for years. Or random, hurtful remarks that are meant to eat away at whatever self esteem you cobble togther as you sally forth.

When my memoir was being submitted to publishers, one of my sisters said I had a pair of brass balls to be selling a memoir before I turned forty. That comment stayed with me the whole time I was writing the motherfucker, and as I wrote I often wondered where I got the audacity. Worse was constantly asking: who the hell am I to be writing this.

Got any doozies?

Filed under: Writers | 127 Comments »

Ugly Betty

Posted on November 17, 2009 by betsylerner

Sorry if this is off topic, but unbeknownst to me there has been quite a bit of ink spilled about Betty Draper, Don’s Klaus Barbie wife on the brilliant television show Mad Men. Just today a big defense of Betty appears in that little blog trying to get established which I’ll link to here in a show of collegiality.