The End of the World as We Know It | Betsy Lerner

For Some Reason I Can’t Explain

Posted on November 4, 2009 by betsylerner

Blurb? Will do!

I’m working late. Contracts, paying bills, rejecting, er considering, query letters. I’ve got to send out a manuscript for blurbs and I’m stumbling on the letter. Asking for blurbs is the worst part of the job. It’s usually in the editor’s purview to get the blurbs, but I usually help out when I know a writer. Did I ever tell you how I found a galley for a book I edited in a used bookstore and within the galley was my letter asking an author for a blurb. Agh.

Sorry, I don't give blurbs. It's a policy.

Once, I gave a blurb to a book I didn’t like that much because I’m a good egg, I guess. When the book came out, it had five other blurbs on the jacket from writers far more significant than I will ever be. I was flattered to be in such blurb company. Blurb company? Was the book better than I realized, or was the writer super connected. You can’t blow that many writers, or can you?

Filed under: Publishing, The End of the World as We Know It | 12 Comments »

Darkness Visible

Posted on October 20, 2009 by betsylerner

It was easy to get responses to my first three surveys, so maybe I should stick with lighter fare: what publishers nosh, bad lunch dates, etc. This time, I surveyed a bunch of industry insiders and asked: how do you know if your book is going to tank and when do you know it. I got one response. Being me, rather than drop it, I kept asking, and here I present you with some darker fare. Warning: if you like to avert your eyes when you see an accident, skip this post.

One editor confides: I’ve been the victim of the “we’ve got to make budget and this book has got to ship this year” syndrome. These authors had previously published an enormous bestseller. I knew when I got the first draft of the new book that it wasn’t going to work. But I had to keep going and force myself to believe that the new book was as funny as the first. It wasn’t. And guess what? It didn’t work. AT ALL. But the company got to count the initial ship into their budget for that year. I’m sure the returns were brutal…but by then I didn’t work there anymore.

From an agent: The book was selected as a Minnesota Talking Books pick and there were no books in the stores and Amazon said out of stock, because the book had been published several months before to little fanfare, and it was around the Christmas holidays. I spent hours calling bookstores in the Minneapolis area asking why they didn’t have the book in stock, and no one had told them! The Talking Books promoter had delayed sending out a press release because they wanted to announce the subsequent selection as well! The publisher said they couldn’t help it because the bookstores had to order the books! I think the author has never recovered, although I’m not sure because she’s still in a fetal crouch.

Another agent: Well, I had a book on ( major publisher, highly prestigious, you fill in the blank) children’s list and it turned out that the publicist never sent the book out. To anyone. We kept calling and asking and they kept reassuring us that books had gone out, reviews would come in…when in fact they hadn’t, and they didn’t. The book — gorgeous and accomplished — never really got on its feet after that. And I’m still mad.

A senior editor: I knew the book was going to tank minutes after we acquired it. We had a new editor in chief and she was frantic and bullheaded. She heard about a book project I had in and told me to bid six figures. It had a great title, but I hadn’t even finished reading it. We “won” the auction. When I asked the agent who the underbidders were, she said she didn’t have to disclose that. Excuse me. I told her my boss would want to know. And again she declined. Obviously, there were no other bidders. The book, as it turns out, was horrible. It tanked in every way. The author had no expertise and couldn’t write. Worse, she still sends me Christmas cards.

Best for last: I hardly even hope for a book to succeed these days, because inside I am assuming that it is going to tank, since most of them do. This is sad but true. I can hardly bring myself to ask the first printings anymore…and if, after a few weeks or months, no reprint—well, then you know. It is the end. I guess I am pretty jaded, huh???

Tomorrow on this blog: sunshine and kittens.

Filed under: Agent, Authors, Books, Editor, Publishing, The End of the World as We Know It | 27 Comments »

What’s Your Sign?

Posted on October 12, 2009 by betsylerner

I was contemplating a survey asking what books editors were ashamed of reading when, lo and behold, People had the very same idea. Kelly Ripa was ashamed of having read Sextrology, which is about what your sign means sexually — what you’re attracted to. She covered it with a magazine in the park so no one could see! Kelly, I’m a Leo, ’nuff said. (Friends, if you have a moment, click on the link and check out the authors’ names. I love life.)

Kathy Griffin (who I believe scored a 2 million dollar book deal?!?) says someone “gave” her L. Ron Hubbards’ Dianetics “as a joke.” Or not.

And Emily Deschanel (does anyone know who she is?) listens to new age, self help books on tape in the car. She says it’s embarrassing when the guy valet parking can hear the tape blasting, “You are so beautiful.” That’s funny, my self-help tape screams, “You fucking loser.” And the valet doesn’t give a shit.

I’ve been thinking about what books I’ve been embarrassed to be caught reading. Just today, at Urban Outfitters, I gravitated over to their highly merchy book table and picked up What’s Your Poo Telling You? And, like the last two times I picked it up, the page opened to a discussion on the difference between floaters and sinkers.

What crap are you reading?

Filed under: Books, The End of the World as We Know It, Uncategorized | 21 Comments »

Out for Blood

Posted on September 29, 2009 by betsylerner

Readers, I just heard that another vampire book (1,000 pages long) sold for seven figures. If the agent weren’t the sweetest guy in the whole world, I would drive a stake through my heart. I’ve always counseled writers not to jump on the band wagon, not to look to the bestseller list for inspiration, not to be copycats. Well, fuck all that. Writers: write! I want a 5,000 page manuscript about a Shape Shifter who works by day as a children’s book illustrator and kills small children at night, dates a half-human half-literary agent, and sucks her hammerhead thumbs to the great consternation of her dentist. Do you feel me? Let’s not spend the rest of this recession watching Mad Men videos when we can be printing money. Printing it!

Filed under: Books, Publishing, The End of the World as We Know It | 28 Comments »

My Bologna Has a Second Name

Posted on September 24, 2009 by betsylerner

Unadulterated pity party: I didn’t get to go to Italy. Last minute trip to the doctor for codeine-laced cough syrup yielded a strong warning not to get on a plane. Fortunate is the person I would have been sitting next to. I am a passenger’s worse nightmare.

So, no me sitting in a cafe with a double espresso, bottle of mineral water, a book in my lap, notebook on the table, writing what was sure to be the best work of my life. No me crossing a piazza in my Chrome Hearts taking in the glorious rosey stone of Bologna, the open markets, or catching a ride on a Vespa. No dining with Italian publishers and trying to sort the wives from the mistresses. No fun at all.

Filed under: The End of the World as We Know It | 7 Comments »

They Feed They Lion

Posted on September 11, 2009 by betsylerner

When I first thought of blogging, a couple of people close to me thought it was a bad idea given my “Impulse Control Problems.” I thought deeply about it and decided to take the plunge anyway. Today, I am ending this post in advance of saying some things I should not make public. And yes I want a mental health medal.

If you can stand another moment of me before signing off for the weekend, here’s a radio interview I did yesterday on publishing. I totally fudged the Google question; is it obvious?http://writersonwriting.blogspot.com/2009/09/betsy-lerner-and-rachel-resnick.html

Filed under: Media, The End of the World as We Know It | 6 Comments »

Happiness Is a Warm Gun

Posted on September 7, 2009 by betsylerner

Media Alert: Tonight on the History Channel (9 P.M. EST) Linda Kasabian tells the story of the nine months leading up to the Manson murders. Kasabian stood guard outside Sharon Tate’s home while Manson and his followers committed mass murder. She became a witness for Vincent Bugliosi, the chief prosecutor in the case, and was granted immunity. It’s forty freakin’ years later. What the hell does she look like? And what can she possibly say? I’ve always wondered what Kasabian was thinking/doing as she waited in the car. Did she listen to the radio? Whistle?

I’m sure I was obsessed with the Manson murders in part because they happened on my birthday, August 9. It was 1969, the summer of Woodstock (I got a button with a guitar and a dove design), Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, and the Brady Bunch premiered. I was nine years old, wearing mix and match Danskins, glued to the tv.

Five years later, Bugliosi published his account of the murders and trial in Helter Skelter. This set off a feeding frenzy; I read The Godfather, Serpico, The Valachi Papers, and my favorite of all time, In Cold Blood. I’m not sure what attracted me, at fifteen, to these gruesome stories. I suspect it had something to do with trying to contemplate what I had decided was a godless world, where random violence rained down on innocent people. There was something sexual about it, too, though I didn’t know that then. Prurient and thrilling.These, too, were the first books I read that I could call page-turners. And that’s when I got hooked, in earnest, to reading.

Filed under: Books, The End of the World as We Know It | 5 Comments »

Etymology

Posted on September 3, 2009 by betsylerner

Unpacking unearthed a rare treasure: my pocket Oxford Dictionary which I bought in London in 1981, otherwise known as junior year abroad. I purchased it at Foyles, the venerable London book store, more like a church to me. The dictionary had been lost for at least a decade, so long that I had forgotten about it. But the moment I held it in my hand, the size and heft of a small prayer book, that lost and lonely year returned to me.

Mostly I remember my single room adorned with one single poster, Diane Arbus’ twins. How every night, I’d stretch out with my Hardy, Dickens, or Larkin and finish off a cheap bottle of red wine and a sleeve of peanuts from the corner grocery. Every night the shop owner seemed genuinely pleased to see me; while I acted as if I had never been there before and would certainly never return. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have this little dictionary back. You can hold it open in one hand and snap it shut like a purse. A phone number is scrawled in the end papers, 212-874-8954. Anyone?

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All In the Family

Posted on September 2, 2009 by betsylerner

Publishing Industry Gets a Laugh Track

By Jason Boog on Sep 02, 2009 10:23 AM

Comedy scriptwriter Gail Lerner scored a deal with CBS for a new sitcom set in the hilarious world of contemporary publishing.

According to Hollywood Reporter, the show will follow the adventures of a book editor and her friends, and has the tentative title: “Open Books.” Lerner has worked on “Will & Grace,” co-executive produced for ABC’s “Ugly Betty,” and had a stint working on CBS’ “Worst Week.” She wrote what she knew: Lerner worked a stint as a publishing temp and her [older by ten years] sister Betsy Lerner spent 15 years as an editor and now runs a publishing website. [Hello, fact checker, that’s a blog. And I’m now an agent not a website publisher for the record.]

Here’s an inspiring quote from Lerner [the younger] that should cheer all publishers, from the article: “Publishing is a lot like sitcoms. Although both are supposedly dying, that only makes people more passionate about creating the next great novel or show.”

That’s my kid sis.

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Pistachio

Posted on August 26, 2009 by betsylerner

You know how sometimes a seemingly random detail from the past stays with you? Over a decade ago, I read an article that, as an aside, noted that the President and Publisher of Knopf, Sonny Mehta, snacked on pistachios as he stretched out on his sofa and read manuscripts.

With that in mind, I queried some of the most powerful publishers in town to see what they noshed on when they read. The results, Nation, are disappointing. Am I the only person out there who doesn’t mind a bag of mini carrots or micro-waved popcorn with my 600 page novel? Here’s what I got:

“I never eat while reading mss — I don’t want to get crumbs on my Kindle. And I don’t want any distractions.” I didn’t say eat an Entemann’s Crumb Cake, for chrissakes, but an apple? Oh, I know, you don’t want to get any juice on the devise. I never thought about Kindles vis-a-vis snacking. Hmmmm.

Another publisher writes in: “Though I’m no stranger to noshing, I don’t nosh while reading. Hard to turn those pages with a Haagen-Dazs in your mitt.” Newflash: I can eat a pint of HD, blackberry, and daydream about White Water Rafting Guide Abe WHILE DRIVING. Publisher continues: “For me, nothing goes better with a manuscript than a Diet Coke.” No argument there. A DC is always welcome. When the next response came in, I began to detect a TREND:

“I never eat when I’m reading. Only a diet coke. Occassionally I’ll chew gum.” Me, too, I love a stick of gum from time to time.

Then I thought I might have detected another TREND with my next respondent: “I used to chew Orbit sugarless gum — alternating among cinnamon, bubblegum, and wintergreen. But recently I’ve made the switch to Stride, which has a tasty sweet peppermint, and Flare, which offers a much zingier cinnamon. This was a big change for me but I think it’s important to shake things up a bit in your life sometimes. ” Friends, I kid you not, this publisher probably can claim more bestsellers than anyone out there. Well, is it any surprise with this level of discernment!

Another allows how she doesn’t snack, but drinks lots of coffee with cream. Not mik, cream. Whoa, indulgent! And then another publisher puts the last nail in the casket, “God knows I love to eat, but I don’t do it while reading for some reason.” Then it dawned on me, maybe all this explains why I was never elevated to publisher.