Books | Betsy Lerner

I Hate Myself For Loving You

Posted on November 20, 2009 by betsylerner

Okay — I’m not going to pretend that I’m not thoroughly moved by the hilarious and painful responses that have flooded my inbox all day. Were you to have seen me anywhere today, at the butcher, the gym, Executive Cleaners, St. Dunkin’s, you would have seen a girl with her head in a prayer-like position reading her Blackberry, blown away by the comments coming in.

Am I nuts or is there a book here? A collection of hurtful comments that writers are subjected to that also defines in some essential way the core struggles of being a writer: no one caring, no one waiting, being exposed, being suspect, being trivialized, or worse, being a dime a dozen.

I know I identified with almost every comment. We could call it THE BOY WILL COME TO NOTHING (a quote from Kafka’s famously cruel and discouraging father) and I would organize the book into five sections, insults from: parents, friends, siblings & other relatives, random people at cocktail parties & other gatherings, and (probably the worst) insults from other writers.

Then, I’d look for a top drawer agent to represent the project who was known to be fearsome and intellectually rigorous, gracious to a fault, fun and pretty. Oh, that was easy. And then I’d try to sell it to a really fun publisher who does great packaging with books like these such as Workman, or Chronicle, or Running Press.

Does anyone else see a book here? Could we scare up another 100 comments? I would donate all the money to literacy or a good cause we could all get behind.

As my brilliant client and mega-blogger Heather Armstrong (Dooce.com) says: it’s time to monetize the hate.

Filed under: Books, Writers | 24 Comments »

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Posted on November 11, 2009 by betsylerner

Every lunch date with an editor begins the same way: How bad is it? Is it going to get better? Will books still be around in our lifetime?

Last week, one editor sat down and exclaimed that she was tired of all the gloom and doom. She was going to put blinders on and get on with her work. Wake me up when it’s over.

A young editor wondered if he got in the business too late; he was worried if editors would exist in twenty, ten, five years.

Today, at a breakfast, an editor said said that sales were hideous. Books were getting out of the gate, but then mysteriously falling off a cliff a few weeks later, disappearing.

I think it’s going to take more than Jeff Bezos and Sergey Brin to put an end to print books. Still, this is a time of transition and as such it is terrifying and exciting. How as a writer do you keep your own counsel, find your way, stay warm?

Filed under: Authors, Books, Publishing, The End of the World as We Know It | 26 Comments »

You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone

Posted on November 9, 2009 by betsylerner

Today we were invited to brunch. Our host has a library containing 13,000 volumes. The two rooms where the collection is largely housed resemble a small bookstore. Clippings and reviews sprout from the heads of books. As I went deeper into the stacks, I was in awe of the organization as shelf after shelf marched from one period of history to the next. No mere alphabetization here, this was the work of a beautiful mind.

We immediately regretted selling off half our collection when we moved, and talked about the difficult process of purging books. Our host said it wasn’t about purging for him, but allowing a book through the door in the first place. Then he laughed, he was due to give a speech in a few weeks about books in the digital age. Of course we are all tired of this conversation even as it threatens to consume our lives and livelihoods. We are all book people, not a Kindle or Nook loving one among us. Why is the laughter nervous?

Home now, surrounded by my piles of books I feel safe. After a minor meltdown at Ikea, I’ve put buying a book case on hold so there are piles everywhere. All I know is that these piles are as good a description of me as you’ll find. My fits, my starts, my passions. I could probably tell you where I was when I read each one, which moment in my life a book marked; just the spine or jacket image can flood me with memories. I think it’s absurd to believe that books will disappear. Then again, they paved paradise and put up a parking lot.

Filed under: Books | 9 Comments »

Treat

Posted on October 30, 2009 by betsylerner

Just in time for the holiday I most hate, here are some bites from this week’s round up in PublishersMarketPlace.com that give me a scare:

Witchy Woman! From the Grammy Award-winning producer of Fleetwood, the “cleverly” titled STARTING RUMOURS, an oral biography revealing the tempestuous story of the making of Fleetwood Mac’s album “Rumours.” Oral indeed!

ADVENT CONSPIRACY: Can Christmas Still Change the World?, a “call to celebrate Christmas in a meaningful and transformative way by worshipping fully, spending less, giving more and loving all.” Is it me, or is the title a little misleading? And what’s this about spending less and giving more? I hate that.

SEXY CHRISTIANS, a guide for couples to understand and embrace the hope, healing and healthy sexuality God intended for their marriages. I can’t wait for the sequel, Sexy Jews. Sorry, everything that just flashed through my mind is too depraved for even me to write.

It wouldn’t be Halloween without HUNGRY FOR YOUR LOVE: An Anthology of Zombie Romance, with new stories by zombie masters. Zombie masters? Sounds like an undead golf championship.

DEAD CITY is about a…zombie plague!! In Texas!!! The living dead’s numbers are growing and the ranks of the infected are breaking out of the quarantined zones and into neighboring states. I hate when that happens.

Filed under: Books | 3 Comments »

I’m Walking On Sunshine

Posted on October 27, 2009 by betsylerner

My editor called today to say that she liked the work I did on the revision for The Forest for the Trees. Especially the ending. I no longer thought it worked, too overblown, but I kept moving paragraphs and sentences around like the wheel of a combination lock, hoping they would click into place if I got each sentence lined up just so. Finally, I scrapped it and started fresh. I think doing that is almost always the best solution to pages that have been over-worked.

So, dearest darling beloved readers of this blog. FFTT will come out next fall. I owe you a lot for helping me find my mojo again as the ever positive and cheerful promoter of writers and all things bookish. We will have to have a party. I may even get a fresh quantity of customized pencils made. I know you want them. You do.

One last piece of business. Check this out from today’s PublishersMarketPlace new deals column:

FICTION: DEBUT

Laurie London’s BONDED BY BLOOD, the first in her Sweetblood series, about a vampire warrior who must protect a human woman with a particularly delicious blood type from the vampire predators who hunt her, to Margo Lipschultz at HQN, in a two-book deal, by Emmanuelle Alspaugh at Judith Ehrlich Literary Management (World).

That coulda been us. ‘Nuff said.

Filed under: Books, Publishing, Writing | 18 Comments »

All I Want Is For You to Make Love To Me

Posted on October 22, 2009 by betsylerner

I sucked my last Hall’s Plus Lemon-Honey Advanced Vapor Action cough drop today. Actually, I sucked my penultimate Hall’s Plus Lemon-Honey Advanced Vapor Action cough drop today. I gave my last Hall’s to our assistant who is about to pitch his first book, throat scratchy, nervous. I told him to remember us when he gets tapped by William Morris Endeavor or ICM, corner office. Of course, he’ll have to give up the post college casual in favor of suits and ties, but hey, even yours truly once wore an Ann Taylor suit and pumps. Can you friggin’ imagine?

But I was talking about me. Finally able to take deep breaths without the little motor in my bronchial lungs kicking in. And best of all: back in NYC and I feel fine. Sorry for the missed post, but my desk was a disaster, and if you know me I’m nothing by a neat freak. I had to get some of it cleared away: contracts, fifty or more query letters (and as I’ve noted I do take a look at all my mail), manuscripts (one about 1,000 pages long and no VAMPIRE in sight), and a pile of books from editors.

Editors send books to a) create buzz b) show off (in the best sense) what they’re up to c) remind you to send them projects.What I do with freebies: send histories to my brother in law, send politics to my nephew, send women’s commercial fiction to my sister, send books to my niece that will upset my sister because they are inappropriate. I send some books to clients if they relate to what they are working on. I give the rest to charity but for one or two that I take home. Today, I took home the African short story writer who is the Oprah pick. I always feel like it’s a publishing duty. But I fell into a deep sleep on the train, woke up with a scratchy throat, and wished I had a cough drop.

p.s. also waiting for me upon my return was a get well card and gift from a frequent COMMENTER on this blog. He is also a client. ‘Twas a CD mix of world music and a mini bottle of Grey Goose. He is the best goose in the world and thank you. (And if any of my other beloved commenters think I am dropping a hint, trust me, I’m not that subtle.)

Filed under: Agent, Books | 5 Comments »

Darkness Visible

Posted on October 20, 2009 by betsylerner

It was easy to get responses to my first three surveys, so maybe I should stick with lighter fare: what publishers nosh, bad lunch dates, etc. This time, I surveyed a bunch of industry insiders and asked: how do you know if your book is going to tank and when do you know it. I got one response. Being me, rather than drop it, I kept asking, and here I present you with some darker fare. Warning: if you like to avert your eyes when you see an accident, skip this post.

One editor confides: I’ve been the victim of the “we’ve got to make budget and this book has got to ship this year” syndrome. These authors had previously published an enormous bestseller. I knew when I got the first draft of the new book that it wasn’t going to work. But I had to keep going and force myself to believe that the new book was as funny as the first. It wasn’t. And guess what? It didn’t work. AT ALL. But the company got to count the initial ship into their budget for that year. I’m sure the returns were brutal…but by then I didn’t work there anymore.

From an agent: The book was selected as a Minnesota Talking Books pick and there were no books in the stores and Amazon said out of stock, because the book had been published several months before to little fanfare, and it was around the Christmas holidays. I spent hours calling bookstores in the Minneapolis area asking why they didn’t have the book in stock, and no one had told them! The Talking Books promoter had delayed sending out a press release because they wanted to announce the subsequent selection as well! The publisher said they couldn’t help it because the bookstores had to order the books! I think the author has never recovered, although I’m not sure because she’s still in a fetal crouch.

Another agent: Well, I had a book on ( major publisher, highly prestigious, you fill in the blank) children’s list and it turned out that the publicist never sent the book out. To anyone. We kept calling and asking and they kept reassuring us that books had gone out, reviews would come in…when in fact they hadn’t, and they didn’t. The book — gorgeous and accomplished — never really got on its feet after that. And I’m still mad.

A senior editor: I knew the book was going to tank minutes after we acquired it. We had a new editor in chief and she was frantic and bullheaded. She heard about a book project I had in and told me to bid six figures. It had a great title, but I hadn’t even finished reading it. We “won” the auction. When I asked the agent who the underbidders were, she said she didn’t have to disclose that. Excuse me. I told her my boss would want to know. And again she declined. Obviously, there were no other bidders. The book, as it turns out, was horrible. It tanked in every way. The author had no expertise and couldn’t write. Worse, she still sends me Christmas cards.

Best for last: I hardly even hope for a book to succeed these days, because inside I am assuming that it is going to tank, since most of them do. This is sad but true. I can hardly bring myself to ask the first printings anymore…and if, after a few weeks or months, no reprint—well, then you know. It is the end. I guess I am pretty jaded, huh???

Tomorrow on this blog: sunshine and kittens.

Filed under: Agent, Authors, Books, Editor, Publishing, The End of the World as We Know It | 27 Comments »

Find Out What It Means to Me

Posted on October 19, 2009 by betsylerner

If you have a chance, check out this interview in Poets & Writers with Jon Karp, publisher of Twelve, an imprint at Hachette. It is a measure of how much I respect him and admire him that I recommend the interview because, well, look at how he answers the question regarding which agents he admires:

There are a lot of agents that I admire—too many to name. It’s funny. I really enjoy working with literary agents, but I’m not socially friendly with any of them. I kind of feel like it’s a business relationship. But I enjoy their companionship at lunch and I love talking to them about their projects. Even when I pass on their projects, I genuinely enjoy talking to them, the give and take. There are literary agents who I’ve known for fifteen years who I’m just finally doing books with. Molly Friedrich was one who I’d wanted to work with forever and finally found a novel we both loved. I’ve known Stuart Krichevsky since I was in my late twenties, and he’s trusted me with Sebastian Junger, for which I am eternally grateful. Rob Weisbach is incredibly creative and he’s going to do great things. I could talk to Tina Bennett and Heather Schroder forever. There really are a lot.

Jon, it’s okay. I’m not, like, needy. I know I’m special. That we have a connection. It’s real. I feel it. You don’t have to advertise when something is real. Congrats on the great interview. It should be required reading for every writer who wants a window into the mind of a publisher who has had tremendous success and a very smart take on the industry. Does he even remember the time we had bagels at his apartment when we had a lunch date and he had to wait for Comcast? Does he?

Filed under: Agent, Authors, Books, Editor, Publishing | 6 Comments »

When You Got Nothing, You Got Nothing To Lose

Posted on October 14, 2009 by betsylerner

National Book Awards failed to recognize two of my clients. Big mistake.

I was going to tell you what books have influenced John Cusack (thanks to O Magazine), but I’m in too shitty a mood. Instead, this is an open letter to John Cusack’s agent and manager: WHAT THE FUCK? How come you guys can’t get him anything better than some dumbass martian kid movie and that other widower one that stares at me from my video store shelf like some filthy sock puppet that the dog doesn’t even want. Do I have to remind anyone how hot and sensitive this guy was? And I was a Sean Penn girl myself. Okay, I’m sure we don’t need to elaborate on that (Hamm v. Byrne, etc.). Still, I’m a book agent and I think I could get him a better movie part. A monkey could. Proof: In production he has something called “Hot Tub Time Machine,” and in development, “Cosmic Bandit.” I rest my case. Or is there something about him we don’t know, something some genius publicist has kept out of the papers? If so, she works hard for the money. Does everybody know some secret about Cusack but me?

Okay, I’m feeling a little better.Here are the books that influenced Lloyd Dobler:

JC: Fear and Loathing, To Kill a Mockingbird, Bob Dylan Chronicles, The Great Thoughts, The Shock Doctrine

Here are the books that influenced Squeaky Lerner:

BL: Carrie, In Cold Blood, I Am Third, Helter Skelter, Ariel.

And last, I just pulled this quote from Cusack on IMDB:

“Martian Child was just a movie the studio [New Line Cinema] offered me and it was the best job I could get at the time. It was about a relationship between a guy and another kid, and I thought that was good. It was a sweet movie. They offered it to me and that was the extent of that. Grace Is Gone was something I REALLY wanted to do.”

Now I feel REALLY bad. I’m going to rent Grace Is Gone, aka Unwanted Sock Puppet. But seriously, I think it’s time for him to do an HBO tv series, if anyone at WME is listening. Hello? John, call me.

Filed under: Books, Film, Media | 12 Comments »

I’m Rubber and You’re Glue

Posted on October 13, 2009 by betsylerner

Michiko Kakutani ripped Jonathan Lethem a new one in her review today of his new novel, Chronic City. She is, of course, famous for this kind of attack but it’s been a while and I was growing old and getting fat reading about luminous this and numinous that. These are, by far, her two favorite words. I hate those words. Moving right along. She called the novel, in case you missed it, “tedious,” “overstuffed,” “a lot of pompous hot air,” “insipid,” “plasticky puppets,” “lame and unsatisfying.”

I’m not particularly interested in her taste, agenda, what have you. What I want to know is how Lethem’s feeling. Does this mean another ten years in therapy or is he able to shrug it off, so many books behind him, his literary stature seemingly secure. I’m writing because when I read a review this rabid, I get scared. And I think about what it is to put yourself on the line as a writer. It’s easy to forget about the vulnerability involved when it looks like a published writer has it made what with publications, teaching positions, awards and so forth. When one of my clients gets a bad review, I want to say, hey, c’mon, my kid deserved a B+. That wasn’t fair! Then we spend lots of time talking about how fucked up the review was, how wrong, how the reviewer had an agenda, how it doesn’t make a difference in the overall scheme of things. And sometimes I say, don’t forget, tomorrow that newspaper will be used to pick up dog shit. (Though, of course, most people use plastic baggies.)

Well, Michiko just sold at least one book for Mr. Lethem. I’ve never read him and now I’m totally intrigued. It’s like when my mother says she hates a movie; I rush out to see it the next chance I get.

Filed under: Books, Media, Writers | 6 Comments »

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