• Bridge Ladies

    Bridge Ladies When I set out to learn about my mother's bridge club, the Jewish octogenarians behind the matching outfits and accessories, I never expected to fall in love with them. This is the story of the ladies, their game, their gen, and the ragged path that led me back to my mother.
  • Archives

When You Got Nothing, You Got Nothing To Lose

National Book Awards  failed to recognize two of my clients. Big mistake. 


I was going to tell you what books have influenced John Cusack (thanks to O Magazine), but I’m in too shitty a mood. Instead, this is an open letter to John Cusack’s agent and manager: WHAT THE FUCK? How come you guys can’t get him anything better than some dumbass martian kid movie and that other widower one that stares at me from my video store shelf like some filthy sock puppet that the dog doesn’t even want. Do I have to remind anyone how hot and sensitive this guy was? And I was a Sean Penn girl myself. Okay, I’m sure we don’t need to elaborate on that (Hamm v. Byrne, etc.). Still, I’m a book agent and I think I could get him a better movie part. A monkey could. Proof: In production he has something called “Hot Tub Time Machine,” and in development, “Cosmic Bandit.” I rest my case. Or is there something about him we don’t know, something some genius publicist has kept out of the papers? If so,  she works hard for the money. Does everybody know some secret about Cusack but me?

Okay, I’m feeling a little better.Here are the books that influenced Lloyd Dobler:

JC: Fear and Loathing, To Kill a Mockingbird, Bob Dylan Chronicles, The Great Thoughts, The Shock Doctrine

 Here are the books that influenced Squeaky Lerner:

BL: Carrie, In Cold Blood, I Am Third, Helter Skelter, Ariel.

And last, I just pulled this quote from Cusack on IMDB: 

“Martian Child was just a movie the studio [New Line Cinema] offered me and it was the best job I could get at the time. It was about a relationship between a guy and another kid, and I thought that was good. It was a sweet movie. They offered it to me and that was the extent of that. Grace Is Gone was something I REALLY wanted to do.”

Now I feel REALLY bad. I’m going to rent Grace Is Gone, aka Unwanted Sock Puppet. But seriously, I think it’s time for him to do an HBO tv series, if anyone at WME is listening. Hello? John, call me.

12 Responses

  1. Re: your most influential books. You are a sick, sick woman. See why we love you?

  2. Absolutely! I’ve wondered about Cusack myself – and his lack of representation.

    I watched Bram Stoker’s Dracula the other night. Directed by F.F.C. himself. Gary Oldman – spectacular. Tom Waits – amazing. Anthony Hopkins – genius.
    Keanu Reeves…Winona Ryder…*sigh
    Who the hell are THEIR agents?

    John Cusack should get parts like that. He would have been better the either of them. In either role.

  3. No Kerouac or Bukowski on my man’s book list. This explains everything.

    A lot of good men have been ruined by those two. It begins as beat-up backpocket paperbacks, ends with good women using rent money to post bail. Charming rascals.

    I’ll bet if you ask Sean the same question, he’ll list On the Road first.

    • Whose the guy on the cover of The Road, at first I thought it was Christian Bale- yum- but no’;who really could pull of that Cormac character in film?

    • I LOVED On the Road! I’ve never used good (or bad) women for rent or bail, but I’ve BEEN that woman..

      Maybe I shouldn’t have read it.

  4. But back to the important part: John Cusack.
    More reasons to like him: He can play edgy (The Grifters)
    He´s tall.

    • I ran into Matthew Broderick on the street the other day. I said, “Hi Matthew, I was your stand-in on Torch Song Trilogy. We’re the same height.” We can play (or write!) edgy too: we’re both 5′ 8″.

      • PS: As I recall, Matthew is actually 5′ 9″. I had to wear my boots to add an inch. When the casting director saw me do his death scene on Thompson Street (when they set up the camera angles), she said I did it better than he did. A lot of good that did me in my acting career!

  5. I still don’t know whether to be happy (for his bank account) or sad (on a personal level) that the man who played Lloyd Dobbler is in 2012.

  6. Hubada all fake-hippie also hipsters a lot of a person will akin
    to, I all the same absolutely love all of this background score.

  7. I acquired been made aware of all anywhere from it actually to an aged Farrah abraham nude burial basic, to ghosts assist up
    a person’s field to my backyard all the afternoon.

  8. Farrah abraham anal akin to apparent cutting a 100’s of years age-old forest to aid a spot as for any visit?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: