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This Is Not Your Beautiful Wife

 

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Today, I walked by two guys. One said to the other, “Let me get this right, you have an LA nanny and a New York nanny. Who’s bougie now?”

The other guy said, “No, man, it’s not like that.”

What’s the best thing you’ve overheard lately? Do you use it in your dialogue?

19 Responses

  1. From the backseat of my car: “Harley, tell Siri to tell Taylor Swift to drone me a soda.”

  2. Usually golden quotes from my mother. I generally check with her before using and attributing them. Always gotta keep the peace…

  3. We might have a somewhat static-filled, but still verifiable ESP channel going on here. JUST last night I decided to use a sentence in my current WIP from a conversation I heard.

    “I ain’t got to do a goddamn thing.”

  4. This wasn’t overheard but in my face.

    While serving (apple juice) tea to my three year old granddaughter, using her play tea set, I used my best British accent, which is spot on Brit.

    “My dear, would you like a crumpet (Golden Oreo) with your tea?”

    She stands up, puts hands on hips, “Nini,” she calls me nini instead of nana, “TALK NORMAL.”

    I may not use it but it sure was one of those special moments.

  5. A propos – From A Gentleman in Moscow

    “Upon reading this, you may be tempted to ask a little sardonically whether Count Rostov – this self-proclaimed man of propriety – allowed himself to overhear any of the private exchanges around the table? But your question and your cynicism would be entirely misplaced. For as with the best manservants, it is the business of capable waiters to overhear.”

  6. From two very special Snowflakes on a city street this morning:
    “The trip’s gonna be awesome! The people on our tour are just gonna love us. ”
    Enough said.

  7. “What’s the best thing you’ve overheard lately?”

    “What the hell is all this stuff?”

    “Do you use it in your dialogue?”

    “Not until now. Say, what the hell is all this stuff?”

  8. From this morning’s meeting with the electrical contractor:
    Him: “None of the paperwork you gave us has any dimensions on the size of that light fixture.”
    Me: “Look at the page with the picture of the light fixture. Next to the photo are some words and numbers. The words are height, width, depth; the numbers are the dimensions in inches.”
    [pause]
    Him: “Oh. OK. We got it now.”

  9. Asexual teen said, “I’ve never masturbated.”
    Other asexual teen said, “Neither have I.”
    Group leader overheard the conversation as he walked past and said, “I always come at the wrong moment.”
    (I haven’t used this dialogue in a story.)

  10. I work at a physical therapy clinic. The other day a patient whom we know well arrived for her appointment with a new therapist she’d seen only once before. She took one look at the new girl and said, “No, I don’t like her.” And she turned her walker around and bolted (bolted being a relative term) straight out the door.

    Also, on an NPR podcast I heard one of the hosts say of the Senate that they’ve decided to “turn Mother’s picture to the wall” while they have their way with healthcare.

    Fucking legend.

    • Averil, I used to read the wonderful posts you put on your blog about your work. You could always get to the heart of a person.

      • Thank you, Tetman. We have such a lot of characters and I love them all, even the cranky old ones and the weirdos.

        Well, except for Linda, who can fuck straight off.

        • Oh Averil, I too remember your blog. All that raw emotion surrounding your move to where it was cool & moist. There were others on your journey: MSB, Teri, etc.. I was a newbie and I fell in love with it all. I hope your writing is thriving. xo

  11. Here’s more (they’re falling like ripe fruits from the trees). Overheard this morning in the virtual space:

    “Tar is becoming a lot easier with ‘ay eye, particularly when you can run apps local off the cloud.”

    “But you should be running off a botnet of gee pea youse, right?”

    “That’d be best, if you can leverage that. And watch your security parameters.”

  12. I gave a guy I know a ride home the other day after dropping his car off at the muffler shop in town. He lives seasonally on the lake and on the ride back we caught up on recent times. He asked how my mother in law was and I told him how powerfully the dementia was hitting her. It was down to decision time, assisted care facility or continuing to live with my sister in law. During the conversation, I could hear myself repeatedly saying my wife’s name, the same name as his late wife. I yelled out at my obtuse, insensitive self with as little success as a conscientious aide trying to get the buffoon president to not blast out another incendiary tweet; SHUT UP! Finally my wiser self prevailed and I tried to say “we” instead of naming names. It felt like my simple words were harsh. We continued to talk and all seemed well when I returned him to his lonely lake home. His wired little dog went crazy, as if they hadn’t seen each other since Rip VanWinkel was a boy.

    It wasn’t much as actual conversation, but it says something I might want to express some day.

  13. An old (older than me) man with a cane on an elevator after “A Night with Janis Joplin”:
    “I lost my first wife to her.”

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