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    Bridge Ladies Sometimes I think a meteor could strike the earth and wipe out mankind with the exception of my mother’s Bridge club — Roz, Bea, Bette, Rhoda, and Jackie — five Jewish octogenarians who continue to gather for lunch and Bridge on Mondays as they have for over fifty years. When I set out to learn about the women behind the matching outfits and accessories, I never expected to fall in love with them. This is the story of the ladies, their game, and most of all the ragged path that led me back to my mother.
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Don’t Give Yourself Away

bridezilla-wedding-stress

You’ve heard of Bridezilla? Meet me: Authorzilla. Friends, I am losing my shit. I have stopped sleeping, I play Bridge all night with strangers on my Ipad. Last night, this guy called Doug416 was my partner and when I really screwed up a hand he typed: NWP, which I think means No Worries Partner, though it could mean Go Fuck Yourself. I’m having a hard time reading people. I am a person who has a book about to come out, which means rashes are erupting on my body, my molars are begging for mercy, I can’t stay on a diet for more than six minutes and I’m exaggerating: five.

The most fucked up thing about this: I have been in publishing for 30 years. I’ve looked at love from both sides now, from up and down, and still somehow.

Cures for anxiety? Help!

26 Responses

  1. Report to my couch immediately 😉

  2. It’s only the moon. 1. Don’t be so hard on yourself and 2. Focus on what you have.

  3. Deep, cleansing breaths–in through the nose…pause…out through the nose…pause, repeat.
    And red wine.
    Congratulations on your book. I hope you can enjoy it for what it already is–a lovely piece of motherfucking funniness. Cheers!

  4. baths, baking, watching cam girls (!) (it’s a realm i’ve been exploring that i know i need an editor for but it might be an anxiety-abater as it’s an immediate fascination one can watch from so many non-salacious standpoints) and just, enough with the eating thing. you’re like oprah talking about bread, it’s like, really? she’s one of the most powerful women in the world, her and her body as is was sex personified in the butler and likewise you…are not only revered but beloved in your profession…and the scene in your book with the mirror on the cover – i bought that book in hardcover! full price! its right outside in the hallway bookcase…i just risked waking my roommate to get it from in between Women & Madness by Phyllis Chesler and Of Human Bondage. the BN receipt has faded because nothing is as good as it was even in the 80’s, manufacturing-wise. anyway, the guy who liked you, you under the tree…your rendering of that story was so memorable i have been able to let go many books but not this one (even if i couldn’t remember the title till i just took it off the shelf.) your writing is SO GREAT. you are FUCKING AMAZING. but oh, i read this back and i’m like oh, i’m doing what many have done to me; taking your emotions out of the equation. i’m sorry. it’s just, you are so wonderful on so many levels that your worry about things that could never detract from your beauty on any level not in any way! i sometimes wonder if it’s a marketing/media type of mind fuck. but duh, gosh, i’m sorry, i get that it’s not. isn’t it not? side-stepping my way out of this but not deleting it because reading it might lessen the anxiety a bit. what a load of garbage someone had the nerve to drop in the comments!

  5. Ice cream, snack cakes, books.

    But if it’s any comfort at all, I’m confident that if the book is anything like the blog or your other books, it will be fabulous.

  6. Hey girl, the hard part is done. Enjoy the ride.

  7. Try morphine. Won’t cure the anxiety, but maybe it’ll distract (particularly with the way it’ll make your nose itch — maddening!).

  8. Re-watch The Wire. I’m serious. I watched the show twice in six months. The first time, I gulped. The second time–during a shitty period–I savored and got lost in it. Saved me.

  9. A vat of white wine,some ’80s dance music, more white wine, and a new project.

  10. I read somewhere nights are the worst when it comes our minds ramping up the speed of the worry wheel. Mine was going along at about a gazillion mph between 2:30 – 4:00. Some nights will end up like that.

    For me to say “you have nothing to worry about,” regarding your book is like telling someone who’s dealing with a death, “it will get better.” So, I won’t say you have nothing to worry about because that does no good.

    Instead, I’ll say this, even though you’re likely to reach through the interwebz and jerk a knot in my head. (but I AM going to tell you anyway) Exercise. I don’t care what it is – exercise increases those good feeling hormones. And if you’re like me, you need a LOT of good feeling hormones these days. I don’t know the ins/outs of your surrounding environment, but if you’re able to walk, do it. Or swim. Or bike. Or buy one of those dance videos, and shake your ass in your living room and it’s a double payoff when you get invited somewhere and all of a sudden you can dance like Pharrel Williams.

  11. Read.

  12. I think you might need to moisturize a bit more…

  13. Anx-holes are most often indoors, fed by electronics and people. Get outside, take in the best air you can find, and stare at something distant. Get into better moments, because being in the wrong ones will eat your guts and laugh.

  14. 1) B R E A T H E
    2) Stay in the moment … no casting to the future or past – what is the next right thing to do for you in the moment … if you are brushing your teeth – brush your teeth the best you can …
    3) Repeat #1

  15. Ow. I have no idea. I mean, whatever’s going to happen is going to happen, so I guess letting go might help, but that’s easier said than done. Probably a spa in Vermont wouldn’t hurt, snowshoe through the (maybe) snowy woods, fresh air and a well cooked, moderately healthy meal – you earned it. What the hell. Smoke a good joint, drink wine or whiskey (not both) and then return to the madness, always knowing a smile is waiting for you in your memories.

  16. Exercise helps. Also martini.

  17. Shit if I had a book coming out I’d take the sleepless nights, rashes, miserable molars, et al. Lighten up, girl. You’re about to get reviews and they’re going to be awesome.

  18. Breathe. B-r-e-a-t-h-e. Repeat.

    Again.

    You will be fine. You really will.

    Because … of who you are. And….despite how you treat your self.

    You are worthy.

    Breathe.

    I mean it.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  19. Vitamin D, fresh air and start another book.

  20. Steady on, old girl. How great it is not to know what comes next! Annye has hidden away the reader’s copy and will fork it over soon.

    • How great it is not to know what comes nex? This is torture. I had a boyfriend who called the surprise destroyer, And another said I was a nightmare. I want to know everything now, yesterday. How are you? Blissfully living without a map? Miss you!

  21. Has anyone suggested zinc supplements for the writing/editing anxiety? Lots of water to calm the internal fires? Be extra nice to yourself, buy flowers, bubble baths, candles to burn it all away. Come to think of it toss or heave something somewhere? Set something on fire. Or the gentler approach of releasing pebbles into a pond?

    All best for the publication,

    Nancy with too many years of book publishing experience

    ________________________________

  22. Big bottle of the deepest, darkest red wine, tub of your favorite ice cream and combine those with a book, music, film marathon from a favored artist. Always soothes this savage beast…

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