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    Bridge Ladies When I set out to learn about my mother's bridge club, the Jewish octogenarians behind the matching outfits and accessories, I never expected to fall in love with them. This is the story of the ladies, their game, their gen, and the ragged path that led me back to my mother.
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Love the One You’re With

When I was in college, I had a friend whose father was a dry cleaner. He referred to his work as  “pressing the piss out of other men’s pants.”


30 Responses

  1. I’m drycleaning my WIp at the moment.

    Happy Hallowe’en Betsy.

  2. N is for Neville….

    Thanks Ed, Betsy.

  3. Well, hmmm… I’m a therapist and have had plenty of people ask me if I felt like an emotional prostitute. I guess I can be glad not to be a dry-cleaner.

  4. At times there is leakage. I’m not just referring to seeping fluids from the joystick. Flatulence residue. I don’t know how to sugarcoat this, but men are even grosser than you ever imagined. Heat and steam indeed. I’m guessing a fair amount of disinfectant is part of the process of a thorough cleansing as well.

    Because we are lazy and often hygenically lax, paying someone to work hard to make us presentable is money well spent.

    • Mike,
      There comes a time in a woman’s life when a bit of mystery goes a long, long, long way…

      • Lyra, I’m laughing my ass off over here.

      • Haha! Exactly. I was thinking, “So, THAT’S a real perk to being single.”

      • In an effort to demystify a bit more of the mystery, the following: Guy gets so drunk he pukes all over his shirt. “Oh no,” he says to his friend, “My wife will kill me when she sees I got drunk again!” “Here’s what you do,” his buddy says. “Put a twenty dollar bill in your pocket and tell your wife some drunk threw up on you and gave you twenty bucks for the DRY CLEANING.” Great idea, the guy thinks, and sure enough, upon arriving home his wife is waiting for him and she is pissed. “Calm down, honey,” the man manages to say, “Guy threw up on me.” “You expect me to believe that?” “It’s true, check my pocket; he gave me $20 for the dry cleaning.” The woman checks his pockets and says, “You drunken idiot! There’s $40 in here!” “Oh yeah, he crapped my pants, too.”

  5. People keep telling me that I’ll be out of a job soon, because libraries are obsolete.

    And then they check out a stack of books or movies, and I help them with their resumes, and/or I have to kick them off the public computers for looking at porn.

    Hooray for job security.

  6. If you substitute ‘editor’ for ‘dry cleaner, you get the OED definition, no?

  7. Writing can scrub stink-stained nostrils, or keep some of it out, like poking cigarettes up your nose around corpses, or smearing your upper lip with Vicks Vapo Rub.

    My youth ended as a soldier, and then I was a cop- no surprise there. But cops are paid watchers and meddlers, and see lots of pain and pissy pants. They feel it, too.

    I write observational humor for a sliver of a niche audience and muck about with boats. There’s plenty of piss out there without me opening my fly.

  8. About ten years ago I managed an outlet store which sold (brand redacted) flatware. It was the most recognized name in the industry and had been in business in the US for well over a hundred years. Some product, like trays, teapots etc., plus all it’s high-end designs in silver and silver-plate were made in the USA. All of it’s everyday designs were outsourced.

    It was not unusual for customers to lecture me on the morays of outsourcing production for the sake of investor profit, and they would say this, while walking out the door with sets of flatware made in Vietnam because they were cheaper than the ones made in the US.
    Even with the current push for American made products consumers spout one thing and then abide by price.
    Thank you loud mouthed arrogant American consumers, none of the product is manufactured in the US anymore.

    Sidenote: During the company’s sell-down of overstocked inventory it was rumored among store managers that the guys who swept the factories floors made twenty-seven dollars an hour. I didn’t begrudge the sweepers their pay but I saw the floors and they were a mess. We are all to blame.

    What does this have to do with pissy pants, not a damn thing. But it does piss me off.

    • Carolynn,

      The report at the following link may bring you soothing news. Manufacturing is returning to America. In particular, note the first video segment by Liz Ann Sonders. I could listen to her talk finance and markets till the cows come home.


      • All I could think of as I watched Liz Ann Sonders is how smart she is, how much money she much make, and that her pearls looked small. Jeez Tet where the hell do you find this stuff. It certainly is encouraging.
        Problem is, it is highly unlikely that you cannot buy a knife a fork or a spoon made domestically. Vietnam, India and Mexico have the corner on what goes in our mouths every day.
        What I find troubling is that the huge company I work for now openly resists even trying to procure and sell USA made products. From products, to the music they play when you shop, Global is pushed in our faces like a Boston cream Pie. (Yay Boston).
        It took months for employees to even get the company to make signs to at least let customers know we sold a few American made products.
        Why one of the largest retailers in the world would not embrace what is made here is a puzzle. The publicity alone…

        I’ve got to stop now or I’ll get so pissed I’ll name them and be out of a job.

      • it is highly unlikely that you can buy a knife a fork or a spoon made domestically.

        Is what I meant to say, duh…

  9. Pants, piss and a cat mask. On my best day, I couldn’t come up with a link there. I do, however, hate Halloween for grownups. Love the little kids at my doorstep trolling for candy but the pressure to come up with a costume for a grownup Halloween party is as bad as cleaning piss out of pants. Wait, there I found the link.

  10. Holy hell, I wish I could just drop this ms off at the dry cleaner and pick it tomorrow, fresh and presentable. Instead, I just keep pushing the thing through the damn wringer.

  11. The word piss pisses me off. Reminds me of sloth and broth and cough and other mucous mouth rejoinders. Happy Halloween!

  12. Well. On the dry cleaning note, my bff’s father was an inventor of sorts and patented a device called the Cindy Lou sleever for the Glam-O-Rama chain of dry cleaners – plus another machine or two. My friend’s name was Cynthia Louise, hence, the Cindy Lou sleever.

    On a Halloween note, I was on a barefoot cruise once (you know, the sort of cruise where you can help sail the boat if you want – I know nothing of sailing so I left that alone)…but anyway.. they had a costume party that night and all the passenger’s were to dress up as something that begins with the letter “P.” There was no rhyme or reason to why they chose that letter, but I fashioned a pope or priest sort of looking outfit out of sheets for my hubby – used lipstick for make a bright red cross on the headdress and a salt shaker for the “holy water.” (yeah, I’m going to hell, I imagine) And for me? I took my black eyeliner, stuck on some whiskers, made myself a long black tail with a piece of hosiery…and, was a “pussycat.” 🙂

  13. Get your voice into your details.

  14. Sounds like a copy editor to me.

  15. I think this sounds like a good story for Gay Talese. Or, you know, me.

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