• Bridge Ladies

    Bridge Ladies Sometimes I think a meteor could strike the earth and wipe out mankind with the exception of my mother’s Bridge club — Roz, Bea, Bette, Rhoda, and Jackie — five Jewish octogenarians who continue to gather for lunch and Bridge on Mondays as they have for over fifty years. When I set out to learn about the women behind the matching outfits and accessories, I never expected to fall in love with them. This is the story of the ladies, their game, and most of all the ragged path that led me back to my mother.
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Baby You’re Everything I Ever Dreamed Of

Top Ten FAQ’s

1) Are you the Betsy who curses on the internet? Who the fuck wants to know?

2)Aren’t most of your readers wannabe writers? My “readers” range from bestselling and prize winning authors to glistening moths in the moonlight. 

3) How do you come up with this stuff? Like all writers, I draw from my life for my material. And my ass. 

4) How do you it every day? How do you floss every day? Dedication. 

5) Is it fun? It’s a fucking blast. 

6) How long does it take you to write your posts? Fifteen minutes. 

7) Aren’t the people who read blogs lonely? Not as lonely as the people who write them. 

8.  Don’t the people who read your blog just want to be repped by you? Nothing would make me happier than to sign a commenter or lurker and sell his or her  book for a boat load of money and sit beside him or her at the National Book Awards. 

9) Does blogging take away from your writing time? Hell, yes. 

10) How long are you going to keep blogging. Two more years.

Any other questions?

67 Responses

  1. I guess I’m a glistening moth, then.

  2. What! Why only two more years?

  3. best place to find material is the ass!

  4. I’m already repped, I just hang out here for the free coffee

  5. …to the flame. As close as I can get before my rubber bracelet melts.

  6. can i play?

    1)Are you the Betsy who curses on the internet?
    No, but I am one of her sycophants.

    2)Aren’t most of your readers wannabe writers?
    define wannabe.

    3) How do you come up with this stuff?
    i steal it from my daughter’s 5th grade diary.

    4) How do you it every day?
    first i enter my email or username and password on my wordpress login page…

    5) Is it fun?
    define fun.

    6) How long does it take you to write your posts?
    I’ve been working on them since birth.

    7) Aren’t the people who read blogs lonely?
    Are you saying that people who don’t read blogs are not lonely?

    8. Don’t the people who read your blog just want to be repped by you?
    you need to do more research.

    9) Does blogging take away from your writing time?
    that’s kinda like asking, does writing take away from your writing time.

    10) How long are you going to keep blogging.
    never, ever. even after i’m gone, i’ll will find someone to carry on like rin tin tin. (this is how i like to believe it will be.)

    (thank you…this was the perfect distraction from b2b newsletter edits.)

    • (sorry for using the term b2b on here; i promise not to do it again.)

      • I love you Amy, but I did throw up in my mouth a little when my eye caught “b2b.” That is too close to home for my day job, as well. I saw it and immediately went into denial, assuming that you knew some cooler, less depressing “b2b” acronym. But alas.

        I forgive you but yes, please never do it again. 🙂

      • I throw up in my mouth a little whenever I read the phrase “threw up in my mouth a little.” Maybe it’s a generational thing, but I feel like it’s just one more sign of the impending fall of civilization. (Which may be a good thing, but if it does, things will unfortunately get worse before they get better.) I vote we retire that one; it’s way worse than “b2b.”

    • Thanks for going second, AmyG.

  7. It is a blast.

    I have a question – snack cake or candy bar? If you had to choose, I mean.

  8. That sensor on the left chest wall (boob) is monitoring what?

    She is Mrs. Spellman that lived next door on Elmwood and she is smiling because it took the tech thirteen minutes to position it.

  9. You’re such a riot.

  10. 1) Do you curse on the internet? Everyday. And this is why WordPress will never FreshPress me. Bastards.

    2)Aren’t most of your readers wannabe writers? It’s like AA. We meet daily to maintain our sanity. And I do not use the word “meet” lightly.

    3) How do you come up with this stuff? I’m breathing. What more do you need?

    4) How do you it every day? It’s better than sex. (Not really, but it’s more often than sex. Isn’t it?)

    5) Is it fun? It’s writing.

    6) How long does it take you to write your posts? Anywhere from 10 minutes to an entire day. It depends on how long it takes my new dog to pose for the photo.

    7) Aren’t the people who read blogs lonely? Aren’t people who live lonely? What the hell do you think we’re writing about?

    8. Don’t the people who read your blog just want to be repped by you? Are you daft? And we are all holding out for the NBA or the Pulitzer. Or the Oscar. Do you have a sparkly gown we can borrow?

    9) Does blogging take away from your writing time? It’s my warm-up. It’s easier than looking at blank page in my m/s right off in the morning. I blog, I comment, I love wine and coffee, therefore I write my fucking book. It works. And in tennis terms, never change a winning strategy.

    10) How long are you going to keep blogging? Being as I just spend hours updating my outdated software programs so I can “iCloud” I’m not the right person to ask when it comes to tech questions.

  11. Not to get Too personal, but does your mother sew socks in jail? If, indeed, you have a two year plan to get out of the blogging bizz, you, of course, will need a replacement. #1 Right? #2 Is there any money in it? #3 Really? #4 Be honest #5 Do I hav-ta-like kinda be nice sometimes, like you do? #6 How do you do that? #7 Will interesting people want to contact me, socially or spiritually? #8 Does this gig come with a contract that is enforceable? #9 If no one likes me, can I go back to being a nobody that everyone loves to hate? #10 Can I come live with you?

  12. Thank you for being here. It’s not every stranger who will provide a space where I chronically can make an ass of myself and not have my membership revoked.

  13. Fuckin’ a baby!

  14. Two year plans are like my dreams; they always seem to be way too familiar. Why did everyone get hooked on #9? I know some college professors that could totally work your mind to find the jewel of that extremely interesting Freudian slip. But, knowing that Betsy has more in plan for her life makes me want to rock the fuck out people! So dig, my fellow saps, dig it: http://youtu.be/OPJ-KnveLh8

  15. 2) I love moths.
    3) My ass is my best asset.
    4) Dedication is key.
    5) In a glass?
    6) You’re taking too long.

  16. 15 minutes? I bow to you as ruler of the universe.

  17. Speaking from a child who was abandoned at too early an age, I’d like to thank you for giving us fair warning of your future plans. That’s very good of you. I’m curious, though. How did you come up with the number two?

  18. That photograph is quite haunting

  19. When you say 2 years, that’s dog years. Right?

    14 years. Yeah, I can live with that.

  20. What do you like to read?

  21. This glistening moth loves your blog and your potty mouth. Keep wasting that 15 minutes a day for my sheer, thought-provoked, entertainment.

    Moths are drawn to the light, right?

  22. I love your blogs, Ms. Lerner. Two more years? Only two more years? Say it ain’t so!

  23. At least I’m not a sparkling moth.

    More questions:

    Have you ever dreamed by the pale Menorah light?

    Have you ever been as evil as a man?

    Floss every day? Really?

    • evil as a man? – I’ve encountered several 15 year old girls (and one 50 year old, well, female) who have redefined evil. That realm is truly no longer only for the testosterone crowd.

      • No female Hitler, Stalin, African tyrant, KKK. Meanness isn’t evil per se, although the results may be evil.

        Many Sisters of Mercy, however, and other such female groups.

      • No longer? Evil in women, like good, has been/is/will be forever more typically found in the realm of the personal, the intimate. Ask any bluesman. And fifteen is the perfect age to start.

        Of course meanness is evil; you think putting a tack in someone’s shoe isn’t? Who says it has to be big and corporate? It’s there in almost everybody.

  24. While I’ve won some awards for my writing, in reality I aspire to be the glistening moth. And Betsy, I’d be willing to go along with you selling my novel for boatloads of money and joining me at the NBA ceremony. These are the sacrifices I make for my favorite bloggers.

    • I feel I might be able to slip something in here. My cat loves moths. In fact, now that the weather is turning against her she is eating more cat food. She loves chomping on moths. We’re trying to figure out how to help her make it through the winter. We’re thinking crickets, but that is a layman’s guess.

  25. Plain or everything? Cream cheese or butter? Coffee or tea? Red or white? Newman or Clooney? Night or day? And have you ever regretted a post?

  26. a question. what’s the most interesting/funniest/most profound comment(s) from your blog?

  27. Two more years? Now there’s a deadline I think I may manage — and hope that you will want (and be able) to profit from. If I were to win one of those fancy awards (yea, I know, dreams are made of this), I’d even buy you a dress so we’d both look good on the dais, assuming they are still extant.

  28. The two-year deadline for the blog wrap-up has to be one of the aforementioned things that come out of Betsy’s ass. I don’t believe it for a minute.

  29. I don’t floss every day, but I do write every day. I guess that means I’m a dedicated writer (with plaque).

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