When I set out to learn about my mother's bridge club, the Jewish octogenarians behind the matching outfits and accessories, I never expected to fall in love with them. This is the story of the ladies, their game, their gen, and the ragged path that led me back to my mother.
Voted most likely not to keep 2011 resolutions!
I’m patently against making resolutions. I stopped making them in 1997. Resolutions are promises you can’t keep. Resolutions are looking at yourself on January 5, 17, or 29 and being utterly disgusted. That’s me in the red flannel nightgown with 19 unfinished books next to my bed, with Mt. Etna on my chin, with a half-written screenplay and more love around my mid-section. Resolutions are for people who believe in fairies and happy endings.
Oh, I thought about restricting Blackberry use. For the new year I won’t use my Blackberry on the train, on the weekend, on the toilet. How’s that for positive change. I thought about cutting out sugar and white flour. HA HA HA. I thought about self love. HA HA HA. I thought about making my bed, remembering my dry cleaning ticket, moisturizing. Yes, folks, there’s a lot of positive change out there; it’s there for the taking. But here, at Betsylerner.com, it’s all about being stubbornly determined to stay the same or get worse.
So, please, without further adieu (resolve to stop using words like adieu), tell me what you’re not going to change or accomplish this year.
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Once again this year, I am not cutting out chocolate, nor am I limiting my television watching or internet time.
Last year I kept a resolution — to always change the roll of toilet paper, and not wait for someone else (two teenagers, what was I thinking) to put it on the roll and throw away the empty tube. Been doing it all year, and I must say it was a worthy challenge and I am proud of that I kicked its ass.
ack! amy n., you beat me to the tv and internet time. nicely done!! (signed, amyg)
in 2011, i will not
drink less coffee
spend less time reading and commenting on blogs
resolve to fix my kids dinner before finishing one more page of revisions
take my day job too seriously
clean my bathrooms more often (or at all)
vacuum
watch less television
buy fewer books
I’m not changing anything. Been doing pretty well so far. What am I not going to accomplish? Less speeding. Like I said: not changing a THING.
I’m not going to stop reading your blog.
I will not:
start running
organize my cupboards/closets/drawers/desk/negatives
send birthday cards
wash my car every week
adhere to a book budget
stay off the internet
send out my food portfolio
get the children around the table all at once
cut back on writing time
In 2011, I refuse to resolve to
–stop embarrassing myself on a daily basis
–quit drinking a gallon of diet Pepsi a day
–get more sleep
–stop making horrible puns
–clean up my language
–stop checking my blog stats like a starving rat hitting the feeder bar
–stop worrying obsessively over whatever comes to mind
–diet
–reduce my time surfing YouTube and my googlereader
“like a starving rat hitting the feeder bar.”
I’m undone! I’m adding you to my blog roll, where my massive audience of 11 is waiting to welcome you.
Thank you!
You have at least twelve, by the way—I just found your blog and added it to my reader!
The den of iniquity. Right this way, little girl.
I resolve not to make my bed. A warm moist bed is a good place for bed bugs.
I resolve not to give up dark chocolate. one ounce a day helps keep heart attacks at bay.
I resolve not to give up on my novel
You covered them all except . . . I will not stop feeling guilty for . . . everything.
This year I will not feel guilty for writing stupid comments.
My own comments always seem stupid, and everyone else’s seem so profound. I wonder if we all feel that way.
Ohhhh, yeah.
yes I do anyway
I’m not going to lose 30 lbs., learn a new language, tidy up my closets, plant a vegetable garden, enter a poetry contest, write a screenplay, start another novel, or go to a foreign country.
Will continue to make up songs based on “Don’t Make Friends With Salad” (Simpsons).
Will continue to wear sneakers 91% of the time.
Will continue to paint and draw whatever I want and not care how it turns out.
Will continue to talk to strangers.
I will not:
-Stop eating more chocolate than vegetables (I do actually happen to eat a lot of vegetables)
-Feel guilty about chocolate bits melting onto my students’ essays when I grade them
-Stop Eating See’s chocolate covered molasses chips as I type this
-Set an alarm to wake me up on weekends
-Stop piling all of my junk in the corner, throwing a blanket over it, adding a pillow, and pretending it’s a chair when guests come over.
-Grow up.
Lovely stuff, here.
I will not:
– stop beating myself up for my many Mother of the Year moments (sarcasm)
– lose 3 inches around each thigh, even when I think it’s doable
– stop calling people on business jargon or life jargon, and asking them what they really mean
– stop being complicated, thoughtful and heroic on a daily basis
– not stopping using “a daily basis” in front of my husband, who thinks it’s a foolish phrase
Happy 2011, all. And to Betsy: thank you so much.
Yeah, there’s a grammer error, thanks
I will not stop seeing the good in people, despite evidence to the contrary.
good for you! this can be exhausting!
do you know the quote from philadelphia story?
“The time to give up on people is never.”
Definitely with you on the futility of New Year’s resolutions. It’s time to end this foolishness once and for all. Here’s my solution to the resolution dilemma: http://brenonbren.blogspot.com/2010/12/proposed-amendment-to-new-years.html
I will break my addiction to my Blackberry. By getting a Droid.
I was going to write something funny, hopefully witty. But the truth is I spent a miserable New Years Eve 2009, hosting a party. Milling around, smiling, detached like a Talking Heads’ song. I had nothing to give. I didn’t know how, what, where but I wanted something different in 2010. Resolve is hard. Strong. So am I. I’ll be ringing in 2011 with more resolutions. Yes, I’m the quintessential idealist. So, sue me.
Happy Holidays everyone.
I will not beat myself when I post self-righteous comments.
i hear ya. and you have inspired me. am a (critical) idealist too–with all the associated *occasional* detachment, fatigue and disappointment that accompany the practice.
try the eno and byrne collaboration for less detachment this nye–it’s beautiful.
http://www.davidbyrne.com/music/cds/everything_that_happens/index.php
Thanks for the link, Melissa! I just listened to the first song and read the lyrics. It is beautiful. Bookmarked the rest for later
i will not give two shits about what anybody thinks.
i will not social work my characters into better people.
i will not social work my characters into better people.
I’m so guilty of this one . . .
I am not going to equate real work with wearing pants.
I will not give up any of my bad habits and I have many.
I will not be any more tolerant of arrogance or apathy than I’ve ever been (which, right now, is at zero).
I will not stop defending, supporting, fighting for the humane treatment of all animals.
I will not be politically correct; never have been so why start now.
I will not stop saying adieu, adios, ciao, etc.; since I never started in the first place, this one is easy.
The husband and I make the same resolution every year: Try not to be so fucking lame. And every year …
loved reading these. happy holidaze everyone!
Baseboards, you are safe for yet another year. May you and your dust/dog hair/misc. gunk toast to your extended life this New Year’s Eve!
I will continue to lie awake all night obsessing about things I have no control over. Why stop now? I’m so good at it.
Less mess.
Lift weights.
Find an agent.
I won’t even resolve to not make resolutions. That’s how little faith I have.
I do believe in faeries. I do. I do.
Still and all I shan’t resolve to be less of a:
hedonist
slattern
whimsical adventuress
princess