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    Bridge Ladies Sometimes I think a meteor could strike the earth and wipe out mankind with the exception of my mother’s Bridge club — Roz, Bea, Bette, Rhoda, and Jackie — five Jewish octogenarians who continue to gather for lunch and Bridge on Mondays as they have for over fifty years. When I set out to learn about the women behind the matching outfits and accessories, I never expected to fall in love with them. This is the story of the ladies, their game, and most of all the ragged path that led me back to my mother.
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Them a murder me so I gotta murder them first

MY FOURTH QUARTER HATE LIST – 2010

1) The term “frenemy.”

2) New lingo like “webinar” and “twittinar.”

3)  Giving Ben Affleck credit.

4) Windows 7

5) That James Franco is here at Yale and I haven’t seen him, though he has been spotted at Starbucks a zillion times. How much of that swill can I drink?

6) That not including Franzen on the NBA list is making a “statement.”

 

I Break For Amish

 

7) Ben Mezrich’s “Author’s Note” in The Accidental Billionaire. Specifically, “I do employ the technique of recreated dialogue.” Technique? Funny, I thought that was called fiction. He also dedicates his book “To Tonya, this Geek’s Dream Girl.” Aw.

8 ) Here’s what I really hate. These two Hasiddic boys of maybe 16 approach me as I’m going to the Jewish Center where I work out. “Are you Jewish?” they ask me. “Excuse me?” “Are you Jewish?” they ask again. “No, I say, are you?”   They seem stumped. After all they are wearing long black coats, and black hats, and have strings coming out of their clothes. “Are we Jewish?” “Yeah, I say, I thought you were Amish.” Now their eyes go crazy wide. “We’re Jewish! ” they exclaim. I step closer:  “Why don’t you trade  those clothes for some Abercrombie and Fitch and date girls and eat burgers, you know, have fun.” And with that I went inside the JCC and read two People Magazines while I did an interval routine on the epileptic machine. In other words, leave me the fuck alone.

9) Today’s session:  Therapist – 3, Lerner – 0.

10) The new fall line-up. Especially the one about fat, happy people. Ha ha ha.

p.s. if you’re still reading, thanks for all the lovely notes about the NBA nomination for Just Kids. Starting Sunday night, you will be treated to five great Guest Posts, which I think you will enjoy. Thanks to everyone who sent in a post — there were nearly 50 entries.

86 Responses

  1. Love #8. Just like when the Born Again Christians approached me–in my parked car in a grocery store parking lot–to ask if I’ve accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. So, if HE’S my Savior, why must you prowl the parking lot, trying to save sorry asses like mine? I’d rather hear from him directly.

  2. 1) Holocaust museums.
    2) Bipartisanship.
    3) Clever bumperstickers.
    4) Theists.
    5) People who say, “I write because I can’t -not- write.”
    6) Employable people.
    7) People with health insurance.
    8) Tina Fey.
    9) Guest posts.
    10) My inability to get it on the page.

  3. #7: Agreed. Way overplayed. I could stop if I wanted to. Just like drinking.
    #8: Seriously? The woman is smart and witty. And anyone who mimics Sarah Palin is OK by me.
    9: Well, shit. We were counting on seeing you here next week. Maybe if Betsy offered health insurance?

    • Of course she’s smart and witty–she’s more successful than I am by every measure, by a margin of a million to loser. That doesn’t count in her -favor-, Sherry.

      And she’s got no narrative discipline. She’s a skit writer.

      Not that she rises to the level of Holocaust museums or people who believe in god or parenthood, though. (‘Pookies and cunts,’ by the way, made me laugh. Oh, and I almost wrote ‘btw,’ which I also hate. And ‘burying the lede.’ And ‘tick-tock’ to mean timeline.)

  4. 1) Earnestness in anyone over the age of 30.

    2) Twitter. WTF? Come to think of it, the term “social networking” is sounding altogether too smug these days.

    3) Grown men who don’t know how to curse. The word “freaking” makes me clamp my knees together.

    4) TV shows about work. I saw a commercial for a show about an exterminator. Really? We’re supposed to watch some guy killing bugs? A new low has been reached.

    5) The amount of packaging standing between me and whatever I’ve purchased.

    6) Televangelists. Especially if they have really white teeth.

    7) People with vacant faces. (I’m looking at you, Nicholas Cage.)

    8 ) Triple cheeseburger with eight strips of bacon and nacho sauce over the top of it. Or whatever godawful thing the chains are passing off as food these days and selling for $4 a pop. Whereas a bag of cherries costs around $10, in season. (Alice Waters has a disciple.)

    9) Fake boobs. Please, I beg of you, can we say we’re over this?

    10) The phrase, “everything happens for a reason.” No. It doesn’t.

    Deep, cleansing breath.

    Thanks. I feel better now.

    • 3) Yes! and ‘friggin” is even worse.
      5) those plastic encasings on electronics. For.The.Love.Of.GOD.

    • Thank, God. There is someone else in the world who hates your #5. I think we need legislation against impenetrable packaging. More and more I find myself needing tools to get to the product I purchased.

  5. 1. emoticons and/or commentary in emails made with punctuation marks
    2. katy perry and russel brand’s love (not so much them, just them talking nonstop about each other)
    3. when my boss buzzes me on our office phone intercom even though his office is RIGHT NEXT TO MINE and we can hear everything each other says w/out the use of the phone. it feels like we’re pretending to play office (although it kinda feels like that to me most of the time anyway)
    4. morning radio DJs
    5. people who call in to answer ridiculous questions posed by morning DJs (like, “what’s the worst thing you ever did to get out of a relationship?” ugh! SHUT UP–how is this better than ANY music you could be playing right now?)
    6. cleaning…anything
    7. jenny mccarthy has a new book out. can’t she just be happy being jenny mccarthy and not jenny mccarthy the published author???
    8. when people say, “if i can do it, anybody can do it.” that’s not true.
    9. negative comments left on my column…they seriously eat me alive. somebody last week called me a dork and said that i need to get a clue. i fixated on it for an entire day.
    10. the conflict of wanting it all and just wanting a nap

  6. 6) That not including Franzen on the NBA list is making a “statement.”

    Agreed. It’s pathetic. Love LAT Books online but — “National Book Award finalists announced: No Franzen” — really?

  7. Miss Betsy — Leaving Mr Franzen’s new novel off the NBA short list is not a statement; it’s merely good taste. It is not a good novel.

    • Fuck off asshole. You simply didn’t like it.

      • That was harsh. Sorry man.

      • No, I only skimmed it. I assure you it’s not a good novel. Its overall effect is that of an extremely shrewd person producing an imitation of what he has decided a good novel is; this was the same effect achieved by The Corrections, which I did read. I doubt you could find an authentic page in it. But to each his own. I merely wanted to suggest that a group of people with good taste could EASILY find five or six or eight better novels published in the US this past year, without driving off the road to “make a statement.” If the entire editorial leadership of Time Magazine decided it was a good novel, it cannot be a good novel.

      • Ohhh– TIME said it was bad. The ENTIRE editorial leadership, no less. I must have missed checking with them before I read the book. I stand corrected.

      • Sorry, I misread your Time comment. It’s just so infuriating when people judge books they haven’t read.

  8. My god, Lerner, you’re a tough chick. If I had a hate list like that I would have gone nuclear by now. Fortunately, I’m an extremely jealous man. If something doesn’t have anything to do with me, it doesn’t get my attention. I do have a hate list, though. I call it a hit list. And as soon as it’s legal again, which your # 8’s are ushering in, your # 8’s are going to get a history lesson they won’t have time to forget. Oh, one fine day. I’m talkin’ punching, not murder. Who am I? Indeed, who am I? Little bastards. Speaking of little bastards, I doubt you’re keeping score right with your therapist. How could anyone that is not you know more about your life than you do? Oh, one fine day, one fine day. Oh, and not to time travel to the future, but who the fuck is Franzen? And Affleck has an L in it, not that you should care. And thanks for reminding me of Patty Smith, I’ve been, for good reason, ignoring that strange chick. Sometimes, association is everything.

  9. Social kissing – I always get it wrong . . .

  10. bing-bong.
    Shit; I save what I’m writing and go to the door.
    Two white gals standing there in funky clothes, each holding a little black book (gee, wonder what they are)…Oh, I peek and see the title: You Will Not Die In The Arms of the Lord. ” We have come to ask you if you know Jesus.”
    Me: “Yes, in fact I do. Would you like to come in and meet him, per chance?”
    They stare at me: “Well, I say, he hasn’t got all the time in the world. You want to meet him or not?”
    They look at each other.
    “Look,” I say. “My name is Asa Yoelson and my mammie is trying to take a nap, and, according to Jesus, she hasn’t much time either. He’s walked a million miles already and given me one of those smiles so bright, black face and all, I wanted to reread Looooliiiitaaa on the spot. But, well, I have six other gods scheduled to see mammie before she goes to heaven, so decide.”
    Pale faces back and forth.
    I whistle. A big black dog apporaches, grumbling, licking his lips. “Ah, ” I say, “Jesus. Are you finished with mammie?”
    Grumble, grumble.
    All I see is the back of their funky skits blowing in the wind on their way to the border between Dixie and the Other Wworld.
    “Thanks, Pete. Good boy. Jesus loves you.”

    • I wish there were a like button.

      I once had a big black dog who I let stand next to me and bark when evangies came a-knockin’. Inevitably one of them would ask “Does he bite?” and I’d say “Not very often.”

    • Thanks. I watched the first one. It almost made sense. Sort of like life.

      He should have got a receipt. There’s bound to be a way to expense that out.

      Or he could go into partnership with Big Mama there. There’s sure to be money to be made, especially with one on the field and another in development.

  11. 1) The no-can-do attitude of residents of a certain country.
    2) The Socialistic sense of entitlement of the residents of a certain country.
    3) The educational system the world is raving about.
    4) The socialistic health care system that kills people.
    5) The attitude that ‘oh well’ someone died.
    6) That residents of a certain country think the fucking foreigners invading their land would rather not be anywhere else.
    7) Lingon berries.
    8) Saabs.
    9) The writers in a certain country who think that translating work from another language and chaging a couple names is not plagiarism or at the very least assholism.
    10) The fact that I’m ready to burn an 80,000 word manuscript because I can’t bear to write another word about it/them.

    • Numbered points that come out like little smiley faces wearing shades. Although, it did make me laugh {insert smiley face here}.

      • No backtracking. You secretly love socialistic Saabs produced by a certain country surrounded by foreigners, fucking. Oh, well.

      • Looking at things from another angle makes all the difference. Thanks, August! You ‘re really Dr. Phil, aren’t you?

      • Aagh. My August-fantasies may never recover from that visual. I think I’m cured.

        And Deb … step AWAY from the manuscript. Set down the gasoline.

    • Oh! Oh! I got this!
      1. France.
      2. France.
      3. France, but in this case “raving” means “forgot 200 years ago”.
      4. France. But it’s only sick people, who are uselss anyway!
      5. France. But that was way back in WWII, and they were only Jews and gypsies.
      6. France. Wait. Maybe that’s Afghanistan.
      7. France — but that’s what bidets are for.
      8. France?
      9. France. Oh, they know it’s assholism, alright.
      10. France. You and me both.

      • I’m not sure if I can fly through France anymore. I brought security to a halt yesterday because I left my IPad charger in my carryon. Yep, the police came and started yelling shit at me. Who knows what because unlike what they think, French is not the universal language. After it was established my fat, middle aged ass wasn’t going to blow anything up I was still detained. They took my documents and wrote things about me in a book. Maybe how fashionable I looked – even for an American?

      • I once went to a farmer’s market in Luxembourg (France in a teacup) and dared to pick up an apple. Holy shit, the commotion.

    • You know, if you write that 80 thou words in either Swedish or Norwegian, you might have something there.

  12. Would like to have seen your therapist’s end zone dance when she skunked you. Or does she wait until after you leave?

  13. 1. People who trash Franzen without reading the book. Or who trash it because they didn’t enjoy the read. It’s brilliant.
    2. [redacted]
    3. Tinkers winning the Pulitzer.

    Love the “epileptic machine”. You should read Tinkers on it. Maybe have an out of body experience that explains all the deep mysteries. Or not.

  14. Oh my god. Your #8 is fantastic.

  15. Betsy, nobody told you James Franco has been spotted at the JCC in a Satmar costume all this week, pranking people as they cross that stupid parking lot in which every space is strangely far away from the entrance to go past the Mermelstein Family Doormat and the Teplitsky Family Water Fountain and down the Yodelberg Family Staircase on their way to the Eisenstadt Family Elliptical Machines? Tobey Maguire dared him.

  16. Jewish-Amish bit is funny. Why aren’t you writing for Conan?

    A. Hating stuff.
    B. Meanness.
    B1. Smallmindedness, prejudice, etc.
    C. Cowardice.
    D. Emotional stinginess.
    E. Cowardice.
    F. Passivity.
    G. Lack of imagination.
    H. Lack of empathy.
    I. Laziness.
    J. Deceit.
    K. Shortsightedness.
    L. Putting numbers before letters.

    1. “It’s all good.”
    2. “I’m like totes down with homeless people but I fracking hate hobos.”
    3. Fracking
    4. Mayonnaise
    5. “Feminists have no sense of humor.” “Fuck off.” ” See?”
    6. People quoting Dr. Seuss to me ’cause I wrote something that rhymes.
    7. People asking: “Why don’t you smile?” When someone does this I make up a cat and say it just died.
    8. Hating “pop culture.”
    9. Loving “pop culture.”
    10. Lack of communication. See 11, especially.
    11. Being diplomatic or tactful and then gossiping about someone behind their back.
    12. Corporate nomenclature. (Though if you arrive and leave on time, faithfully perpetrate #11 and master the nomenclature you will likely do well.)
    13. Doing well.
    14. You have some religious beliefs. Therefore you are a moralizing crank (okay well … they have a little wiggle room on that one, occasionally).
    15. Anything that’s cherry flavored (except cherries).
    16. Peanut butter and chocolate together.
    17. The fact that some marketing person I worked for loved to talk about how Reeses peanut butter cups proves that good things are better when they remain separate. (Okay, I know I don’t like the candy personally but ‘Two great tastes that taste great together’ even I know.)
    18. Traditionally structured jokes (well … mostly).
    19. People who go on about bacon.
    20. Oh yeah … marketing people. Shhh, I hope this is private because I need a job.
    21. The Kinks.
    22. Politics.
    23. Apathy re politics.
    24. Selfishness.
    25. The kind of self-centeredness that makes comments such as this possible: “My foot’s asleep. Can you feel that?”
    26. Bottled water.
    27. Saying you don’t hold grudges when you really really do.
    28. Humorlessness (um make this number 8?)
    29. Greed.
    30. Fashionistas.
    31. Distrust of complexity.
    32. Distrust of simplicity.
    33. Most -isms.
    34. Most country music.
    35. Opera.
    36. Jerry Springer type shows.
    37. Celebrity gossip.
    38. People who feel entitled.
    39. Groupthink (wrong number oh well).
    40. Envy.
    41. People hating someone for being happy.
    42. People hating someone for being sad.
    43. Not owning up to feeling threatened.
    44. I’m really starting to think about things I like now–in fact I was at #30, so I’ll stop here as I’m sure I’ve typed more than enough.

    • Greed? Envy? Selfishness? Deceit? All my finest qualities, summarily dismissed.

    • What the heck is it with people who tell you to smile? I do smile all the time if something has made me smile, but I can’t stand when I’m at work or some sort of social gathering and some random comes up to me and demands that I “smile” as if it’s the most helpful suggestion anyone has ever given in the history of all mankind and that I had really wanted to be smiling the whole time except I forgot.

      My reaction normally depends on my mood, but I do maintain that only psychopaths smile all the time. Normally whilst brandishing a knife.

  17. 1. Attack ads
    2. The NPR pledge drive
    3. The fact that even though I don’t want to read the Franzen I feel like I have to just to have an opinion
    4. The Kardashians
    5. The fact that Ballys uses the word ‘skinny’ in their ad campaigns. It’s a gym, not eveyone goes there to get smaller.
    6. Men giving women numbers i.e: she’s an 8, a 4 what have you

  18. People who after you relent and tell them your darkest experience ask “did you cry?”

    Novelists who can’t see the forest for the trees.

    Murdoch and his inky ilk.

  19. short men who reflexively rise up on their heels, thumbs hooked into their belts.

    the word ballywick.

  20. I guess I should be feeling a little out of place reading this blog because I thought NBA stood for National Basketball Association.

    Took me awhile to realize what it truly stood for.

    I love you all,

    Someone part of mainstream society a.k.a. the people you make fun of.

  21. I hate it when the Comments section of blogs reek of “wanna-be-cute-and-clever-and-gotta-be-witty” entries.

    It makes me sad, in a weird way.

    • It’s possible that I’m guilty of that. Unless what I’ve said is truly witty or funny. In which case I’m simply being funny. I find your comment very interesting. Before typing the word before, I went back and read/realized that you comented right before this very comment. Are you fucking with us Alex?

    • That’s too bad. But feel for the perpetrators too, can’t you? It’s tough being a quick wit, especially if it’s one’s nature.

      • I picture sad aspiring writers trying to be witty in the hopes of being noticed by BetsyLerner. Let’s call a spade a spade. Don’t get all defensive now, kids.

      • Let’s play nice, shall we? Jeez, Mom goes away for a week and all hell breaks loose in the rumpus room.

        Of COURSE we try to be witty; that’s what writers, aspiring and otherwise, do. We play with words and ideas, and try to deliver them in the most effective and entertaining way. Of COURSE we want to be noticed by Betsy, what’s wrong with that?

        Betsy, from what I’ve seen, is always looking for new writers, and likes to help them too, even if she doesn’t rep them. Hell, I don’t even write, but it’s nice to know that she encourages me to, and that there’s a real live big-deal agent that I can directly ask to read my manuscript, should I ever get the damn thing written.

        Not only that, I enjoy associating with writers and wannabes; it gets me that much closer to thinking like a writer and maybe acting like one. I ocassionally visit their blogs and even got the notes to a master writing class by Gordon Lish from one of the blog commenters. Underneath the (attempted and/or actual) wit and (ocassional) snark, there’s a lot of generosity and goodwill. Why not take advantage of that, Brinkster and Alex? At least season your snide comments with a little wit so we can respect you.

        And I think it’s much better to be a *sad* aspiring writer than an embittered party-pooper. To such as you, I can only wish you well. Hare Krishna.

    • Haha! Thank YOU for this. Thought I was the only one who felt that way. I wonder how many edits are made forveach comment to make it appear as a top of the head remark.

  22. Just wanted to add that this is the most fun I’ve had in forever. Of course, I spent last night and today at a much loved one’s funeral, so my standards are a bit low.

  23. I’m sitting this one out. I feel like a despised minority in a country club right now.

    • Hmm, sorry. I for one am (or have been) guilty of many of the things I dislike (am always working to change stuff). Think probably most of us approached this list as Betsy seems to have, with a sense of fun and taking the piss. Personally, I find it a bit alien to hate things–though I do hate meanness and bullying–and can’t think of a single person I hate (though there are some I dislike). Certainly didn’t mean to make anyone feel bad. Maybe today you feel better? Hope so.

  24. I think it’s pretty clear that everyone is upset because I’m going away and is taking it out on the comments. I already miss you.

    • Aww, Melissa, that’s sweet of you, but unnecessary. Y’all don’t have to believe me, but I was trying to be funny. I can be really dry. I fully intend to post my own hate list, which could probably justify everyone hating me, which, as Humphrey Bogart (in Casablanca) once said, they would, if they gave me any thought.

      And yes, Betsy, we’re all acting out, in a frenzy of separation anxiety. Glad I have last-minute preparations for India travel to keep me occupied until you get back.

      • Country clubs are overrated. Dry humor is not. Have a safe trip, Tulasi-Priya.

      • You too, Betsy.

      • Thanks, Deb. I fully expect to die over there, if not on the way. Just the preparation to travel to India is kind of like dying, so many loose ends to tie up. But with any luck I’ll merely lose twenty pounds, which unfortunately will hop right back on me within six months of returning to the US.

  25. This is my first time commenting here and I can’t help but to chime in too. Love the Jewish/Amish bit. Very funny.

    So here’s my list (this is not in any order just what pops up in my head)

    1. Stroller moms who spend more time texting instead of watching where they are going
    2. Mommy bloggers who think their opinions and reviews are actually important
    3. Parents who don’t teach their children how to approach dogs
    4. Anybody who hates my boyfriend Paul Krugman
    5. Tea partiers or anyone who thinks we’re heading down the socialism road. Not even close guys
    6. People who equate Islam with terrorism
    7. People who hate France
    8. Stores and restaurants that don’t allow dogs
    9. People who rant about a certain film director without understanding the facts about the case
    10. That fucking, stupid “moral compass” phrase
    11. Accusing me of extremism because I am a Marxist
    12. Refusing to read my work because I am a Marxist
    13. Preaching God to me, and by the way, I know more about religion than most of the people who claim to know Jesus.
    14. The fact that no one in the US understands the historical importance of the Spanish Civil War
    15. Saying that there’s no difference in using margarine over butter when you bake
    16. The public relations industry
    17. Sitting on the fence between perimenopause and menopause
    18. Banks, insurance agencies, and anyone who works on Wall Street

  26. 1) Cell phones. I am so sick of seeing people drive while yakking; walk into stores while yakking, etc. Yakking, yakking, yakking…
    2) Cell phone ring tones that blare ad nauseam
    3) Listening to private cell phone conversations as people discuss their most private matters (actually was subjected to a woman talking about her puss-filled gums)
    4) The word “Enjoy!”
    5 People who shrug and say, “it’s just a dog.”
    6 Did I mention cell phones?

    • “It’s just a dog.” Don’t get me going. What about the whole concept that dogs are dirty. How many kids have I seen in restaurants picking their noses, and their parents don’t bother to give them a Kleenex.

      Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate kids but I like dogs better, and mine are better behaved than most children.

  27. BL’s #6
    I’m so illiterate I was unaware of JF until Time put him on the cover and blew major smoke up his ass. So I rushed out and bought The Corrections which I read and agreed the guy can really write.

    He establishes three plot points in the first chapter: PP1 – Pick up Parents at airport; PP2 – Lunch at apartment with parents and sister; PP3 – Get parents to dock for a cruise by 4:00 pm. How famous must an author be to insert 75 pages of backstory between PP2 and PP3 and get away with it.

    I had the haunting feeling throughout the book that father, Alfred, was a harbinger of my future. Very creepy.

    As I write this, I am not frothing at the mouth to buy Freedom. I probably will because I should. Maybe it will help cure my illiteracy

    My “Things I Hate List:”

    1) Impenetrable packaging
    2) Things I Hate Lists
    3) Agents and editors who say, “It’s good, but I just didn’t love it enough.”

    • Bill, It’s not illiterate to absorbed in something that precludes your noticing the brouhaha over what some celebrity writer is doing/winning/not winning, it’s just called “having a life.” I loved The Corrections but will not read Freedom either.

  28. Hate:

    1. The idea that whatever makes us human—love, intellection, imagination, desire, envy, consciousness, or even hatred—can be explained biologically, chemically, astrophysically—any way but divinely.

    2. The idea that those who attribute the origin and reservoir of the above qualities to a supreme person (God/Goddess) are morons.

    3. Scientism – the irrational belief that materialistic science will one day explain everything we currently can’t explain, and explain it better than anything else could.

    4. The industrialized mass-slaughter of animals for food or clothing.

    5. Leaf blowers, especially on Sundays. Use a broom and a rake; your BMI will thank you.

    6. People who righteously bitch about BP but still drive cars and use plastic.

    7. The idea that life is merely biological and begins and ends with the gross physical body.
    7a. The propaganda spouted with evangelical fervor by celebrity atheists who try to shame and bully people into believing that #s 1, 2, 3, and 7 are true.

    8. The ingrained denial of death in our culture, and the willingness to spend any amount of money or resources (including others’) to camoflage or forestall it. Susan Sontag at the end of her days was a classic example of that mentality, but it’s pervasive in American culture.

    9. People who whine about over-population but are exemplars of #8, and/or who unwilling or unable to live at a standard that is equitable with the people who are supposedly over-populating.

    10. People who hate poodles, especially standard poodles. It’s just a dog, for crying out loud, not a Marxist.

    The above elicits compassion in me more than hatred. What I would really hate is to think in those ways.

    • knew it would be worth the wait.

    • Too bad you aren’t reading Freedom. He’s got good some good stuff about #9 in there.

      This statement is mind-boggling to me: “I loved The Corrections but will not read Freedom either.” It’s gotta generate some book karma somewhere down the road. Just my opinion, of course.

      • Book karma? That’s funny, Mary! I don’t have anything against Franzen, I just don’t have the time. I didn’t read The Corrections until several years after it came out. If it doesn’t hold up years after all the hype dies down, I’m not missing anything by not reading it right away.

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