Ten Things I Don’t Need in 103 Degree Heat:
1. Trying to buy my NY Post after a long, hard day of superagenting, everyone pushing ahead of me, but instead of grabbing the top paper they have to pull the paper second from the top. Seriously? The second paper is hygienically superior? Untainted? Take the top fucking paper and move on.
2. Escalator etiquette: right hand side is for people who stand. Left hand side is for people who walk. So please move your skinny ass and the Samsonite suitcase with the “identifying” blue ribbon and move the fuck over. I am a commuter and the perfectly calibrated route from office to train can not be trifled with.
3. Two editors sounded exasperated with me today. Me? Really?The queen of collaboration? The middle child still trying to make everyone happy. The former editor of sixteen years who actually respects the process. Annoyed with me? Awesome!
4. Ninth reminder bill from HarperCollins arrives for books that were supposed to be comped. It’s a shame the hairs on the back on my neck are not rockettes.
5. A former client emails with asking a favor. Delete.
6. I don’t need one more person asking me about Kindles and IPads and what they mean to publishing. What they mean is that some people are going to read on screens, but most people still won’t read at all.
7. I do not need a mediocre cup of ice coffee for $3.54 and you know who you are. I’m sorry, I love you, cute little place two doors down from our office, but the iced coffee is crap and the price is insane. Plus, as my partner rightly points out, they give you a look if you don’t leave the change in the tip cup.
8. I don’t need to check my blog stats as frequently as I weigh myself in order to determine self-worth.
9. I do not need to turn fifty next month, but since I am my goal is to do it as fucking graciously and demurely as possible from that day forward (Aug. 9 if you need time to shop). Until then, I remain my usual raging cunthead self.
10) And I don’t need any commenters to chide me for bad language or my self-loathing. In the first place, self loathing is more than an address, it’s where I live. In the second, this blog is my persona. I’m really loving and giving, self-loving and giving, gentle and kind, just a big old hug of a gal.
What do you not need?
Filed under: The End of the World as We Know It |