October | 2009 | Betsy Lerner

Treat

Posted on October 30, 2009 by betsylerner

Just in time for the holiday I most hate, here are some bites from this week’s round up in PublishersMarketPlace.com that give me a scare:

Witchy Woman! From the Grammy Award-winning producer of Fleetwood, the “cleverly” titled STARTING RUMOURS, an oral biography revealing the tempestuous story of the making of Fleetwood Mac’s album “Rumours.” Oral indeed!

ADVENT CONSPIRACY: Can Christmas Still Change the World?, a “call to celebrate Christmas in a meaningful and transformative way by worshipping fully, spending less, giving more and loving all.” Is it me, or is the title a little misleading? And what’s this about spending less and giving more? I hate that.

SEXY CHRISTIANS, a guide for couples to understand and embrace the hope, healing and healthy sexuality God intended for their marriages. I can’t wait for the sequel, Sexy Jews. Sorry, everything that just flashed through my mind is too depraved for even me to write.

It wouldn’t be Halloween without HUNGRY FOR YOUR LOVE: An Anthology of Zombie Romance, with new stories by zombie masters. Zombie masters? Sounds like an undead golf championship.

DEAD CITY is about a…zombie plague!! In Texas!!! The living dead’s numbers are growing and the ranks of the infected are breaking out of the quarantined zones and into neighboring states. I hate when that happens.

Filed under: Books | 3 Comments »

Take a Meeting

Posted on October 29, 2009 by betsylerner

One of my beloved clients allowed as to how he was hurt that I hadn’t written about him. Let’s correct that now. On Tuesday, he and I went to his publisher’s office for a meeting with the publicity and marketing people. Publishers will not always grant these meetings unless you are McKenzie Phillips. And sometimes, bringing a writer in can do more damage than good. Not in this case, my client is handsome, articulate, charming, in other words, eye-candy for the literary set.

The office began to look like the inside of a clown car: one person after another kept coming in. The Publisher, the editorial director, the associate publisher, the publicity director, the publicist, a web person and later their Amazon sales person. Most everyone had read the book! Brainstorming about the jacket ensued! Ideas were exchanged about how to reach the market! It went on and on. This is not your average meeting. And my client is not Mckenzie Philips. (Can’t have everything.)

I was really grateful that the publishing team came together for my client. It’s a shit-all climate out there for selling books and everyone is pulling back. This publisher has been very successful. What’s key, I think, is having a publishing team, like a ball club, that believes in itself where the various players respect one another. At some of the publishing houses where I worked, certain employees weren’t above crucifying a colleague in a full conference room or behind her back in a bathroom stall. I’m telling you, it was very Gossip Girl. Fun, but the books suffered.

Afterward, I had lunch with my client. The waiter reminded me of a guy at my alternative camp who I had a crush on.

Filed under: Agent, Authors, Publishing | 7 Comments »

Priceless

Posted on October 28, 2009 by betsylerner

The holidays are upon us and one reader wants to know:

Could you spill all, please, on gifting standards for agents at Christmas/holidays? Like maybe a continuum, from just started working
together, haven’t sent the mss out yet, to sold book one, etc. Dos, don’ts? Ask the assistant?

This was too much for little old me, so I consulted her holiness, Amy Vanderbilt. She has a section on business gift giving, but it’s pretty tedious, “There are no hard and fast rules governing the giving of gifts in an office but you must use good judgment.” Oh, okay. Later she counsels, “If you receive a present that smacks of sexual innuendo or bribery, return it immediately. Don’t even keep it for the day.” Not even a few hours? Send back the Hitachi Magic Wand! Now!

Sidebar: On page 386, in the section on weddings, Vanderbilt has a sketch of a “Jewish grouping at a chuppah” showing where everyone stands in relation to the rabbi. In case you didn’t know, the maid of honor does NOT stand next to the groomsman who she will later ball in the coatcheck room. Just saying.

Where does this leave us? I say a card is always nice. A bottle of wine. A St. Dunkin’s gift card. Every year my favorite client sends a box of fruit from Harry and David and the whole office loves it. Lots of chocolate arrives in fancy boxes which I can’t eat because I’m allergic to nuts and half that crap has marzipan in it. But everybody else loves it. If your agent got you a seven figure deal, I’d spring for the Teucher Deluxe Gift Box. If you just started working together, maybe an A-Rod Bobble Head. One client gave me a Waterman pen, but that wasn’t for Christmas. I would never ask an assistant what to get, at least not our assistant who is at a Pearl Jam concert tonight and sometimes eats an entire box of cereal in one sitting at his desk. Other ideas: book ends, paper weights, letter openers, stationery, you see where I’m going with this. I would stay away from that catalogue company Levenger just because all their stuff looks like the last person who used it was dead. I think the coolest gift I ever got was a Ouiji board by a client whose novel featured a scene with a Ouiji. I use it as my desk blotter and often consult the spirits when selling a book.

Bottom line: if you give with your heart you won’t spend as much money.

Filed under: Protocol | 9 Comments »

I’m Walking On Sunshine

Posted on October 27, 2009 by betsylerner

My editor called today to say that she liked the work I did on the revision for The Forest for the Trees. Especially the ending. I no longer thought it worked, too overblown, but I kept moving paragraphs and sentences around like the wheel of a combination lock, hoping they would click into place if I got each sentence lined up just so. Finally, I scrapped it and started fresh. I think doing that is almost always the best solution to pages that have been over-worked.

So, dearest darling beloved readers of this blog. FFTT will come out next fall. I owe you a lot for helping me find my mojo again as the ever positive and cheerful promoter of writers and all things bookish. We will have to have a party. I may even get a fresh quantity of customized pencils made. I know you want them. You do.

One last piece of business. Check this out from today’s PublishersMarketPlace new deals column:

FICTION: DEBUT

Laurie London’s BONDED BY BLOOD, the first in her Sweetblood series, about a vampire warrior who must protect a human woman with a particularly delicious blood type from the vampire predators who hunt her, to Margo Lipschultz at HQN, in a two-book deal, by Emmanuelle Alspaugh at Judith Ehrlich Literary Management (World).

That coulda been us. ‘Nuff said.

Filed under: Books, Publishing, Writing | 18 Comments »

Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Posted on October 27, 2009 by betsylerner

When I pitched my first project, I developed a rash that did not abate until I sold it. The rash went from my hand up to my upper arm. The same thing happened with the next, and the next, and the one after that. My husband feared that all my commission was going to the dermatologist. (All but for that one little pair of Prada Maryjanes, that is.) Fast forward ten years. Here I am pitching two books today and my skin is positively glowing.

Still, there is the first pitch call, working out the kinks, finding the sweet spot. Plus, some books pitch themselves, especially if the hook is in the title, if in a second or two the editor can grasp the whole project. (In other words, kill yourself getting the right title and subtitle.) Bottom line: it’s the read, but just like the browser in the bookstore, the editor has to want to read your project first because there is something so compelling about it, hooked perhaps by the title or the first line, page, paragraph, chapter. Like we used to say in the operating room when I was Atul Gawande’s surgical supervisor, and no I did not approve of his listening to They Might Be Giants while doing heart transplants, we used to say: we’re in.

Filed under: Agent | 6 Comments »

How Will I Know If He Really Loves Me

Posted on October 26, 2009 by betsylerner

Nation, check out this letter:

I’ve had a Big Agent at one of the Best Agencies in NYC. She wasn’t able to sell my novel, but I got to see the editor rejections and they all had nice things to say. More than one asked to see something new from me. My agent fired me after it didn’t sell. I threw that novel away and wrote Novel 2. I sent out queries on a Tuesday and had four offers by Thursday. I picked a youngish, hungry agent at one of the Other Best Agencies. He sent my ms out early this week. My question is: how do I know if I have writing talent? I added all this other stuff because it would appear to be in the “pro” column. But how do you KNOW? I read my stuff and I know it’s competent and maybe even good, but how do you know if you’ve written something that really jumps off the page? Is such a thing even possible to know?

Okay, little lady, let’s break this down, as Miss Beverly used to say in step class.

“Big Agent…one of the best agencies in NYC.” First, if you weren’t with Betsy Lerner, you weren’t with a Big Agent at one of the best agencies in New York. You were at a puppy mill.

“The agent fired me.” This just blows my mind. There are plenty of reasons to “fire” a client, but a book not selling sure ain’t one of them. The only real reason to fire a client is if they are unreasonably abusive and fail to gift you at Christmas.

“I threw that novel away and wrote number 2.” That is the fighting spirit this blog endorses unequivocally.

“I picked a youngish, hungry agent.” That, too, is how I like them. Good job by you.

“How do I know if I have talent?” How do you know if you have halitosis, a bad credit rating, a gift for small talk. How does one know anything in life? Personally, I know my self worth because I step on the scale every morning.

“Competent, maybe even good.” Hmmm. Sounds like WFM. (That’s Writer’s False Modesty.) After all, we’ve had shark agent, good editor letters, sent out your manuscript on Tuesday and got offers of representation on Thursday. Maybe what you’re asking is, can this all fall apart again? Yes, sadly it can. But my guess is that you’re going to the world series with this one. The part of your letter that makes me say this is that you started book 2 on the heels of that devastating experience. That, to me, says it all. Talent will only get you so far. Drive, tenacity, and the ability to harness new material will keep you in the race. We wish you luck and please write again and let us know how you make out.

Filed under: Agent, Client | 12 Comments »

You Can’t Handle the Truth

Posted on October 23, 2009 by betsylerner

You know how Tom Cruise swings a bat to help him think in A Few Good Men? Well, here’s my secret: putty. Namely Silly Putty. I have a little red egg on my desk and I squeeze it in my hand when I talk on the phone. Sometimes, I roll the putty into a snake, coil it, mash it down. Sometimes, I press in into the surface of the egg so it imprints the writing. Sometimes I stretch it out as far as it can go, roll it up. It looks, then, like a rose or a part of the female anatomy. On that note, have a great weekend.

Filed under: Agent | 9 Comments »

All I Want Is For You to Make Love To Me

Posted on October 22, 2009 by betsylerner

I sucked my last Hall’s Plus Lemon-Honey Advanced Vapor Action cough drop today. Actually, I sucked my penultimate Hall’s Plus Lemon-Honey Advanced Vapor Action cough drop today. I gave my last Hall’s to our assistant who is about to pitch his first book, throat scratchy, nervous. I told him to remember us when he gets tapped by William Morris Endeavor or ICM, corner office. Of course, he’ll have to give up the post college casual in favor of suits and ties, but hey, even yours truly once wore an Ann Taylor suit and pumps. Can you friggin’ imagine?

But I was talking about me. Finally able to take deep breaths without the little motor in my bronchial lungs kicking in. And best of all: back in NYC and I feel fine. Sorry for the missed post, but my desk was a disaster, and if you know me I’m nothing by a neat freak. I had to get some of it cleared away: contracts, fifty or more query letters (and as I’ve noted I do take a look at all my mail), manuscripts (one about 1,000 pages long and no VAMPIRE in sight), and a pile of books from editors.

Editors send books to a) create buzz b) show off (in the best sense) what they’re up to c) remind you to send them projects.What I do with freebies: send histories to my brother in law, send politics to my nephew, send women’s commercial fiction to my sister, send books to my niece that will upset my sister because they are inappropriate. I send some books to clients if they relate to what they are working on. I give the rest to charity but for one or two that I take home. Today, I took home the African short story writer who is the Oprah pick. I always feel like it’s a publishing duty. But I fell into a deep sleep on the train, woke up with a scratchy throat, and wished I had a cough drop.

p.s. also waiting for me upon my return was a get well card and gift from a frequent COMMENTER on this blog. He is also a client. ‘Twas a CD mix of world music and a mini bottle of Grey Goose. He is the best goose in the world and thank you. (And if any of my other beloved commenters think I am dropping a hint, trust me, I’m not that subtle.)

Filed under: Agent, Books | 5 Comments »

Darkness Visible

Posted on October 20, 2009 by betsylerner

It was easy to get responses to my first three surveys, so maybe I should stick with lighter fare: what publishers nosh, bad lunch dates, etc. This time, I surveyed a bunch of industry insiders and asked: how do you know if your book is going to tank and when do you know it. I got one response. Being me, rather than drop it, I kept asking, and here I present you with some darker fare. Warning: if you like to avert your eyes when you see an accident, skip this post.

One editor confides: I’ve been the victim of the “we’ve got to make budget and this book has got to ship this year” syndrome. These authors had previously published an enormous bestseller. I knew when I got the first draft of the new book that it wasn’t going to work. But I had to keep going and force myself to believe that the new book was as funny as the first. It wasn’t. And guess what? It didn’t work. AT ALL. But the company got to count the initial ship into their budget for that year. I’m sure the returns were brutal…but by then I didn’t work there anymore.

From an agent: The book was selected as a Minnesota Talking Books pick and there were no books in the stores and Amazon said out of stock, because the book had been published several months before to little fanfare, and it was around the Christmas holidays. I spent hours calling bookstores in the Minneapolis area asking why they didn’t have the book in stock, and no one had told them! The Talking Books promoter had delayed sending out a press release because they wanted to announce the subsequent selection as well! The publisher said they couldn’t help it because the bookstores had to order the books! I think the author has never recovered, although I’m not sure because she’s still in a fetal crouch.

Another agent: Well, I had a book on ( major publisher, highly prestigious, you fill in the blank) children’s list and it turned out that the publicist never sent the book out. To anyone. We kept calling and asking and they kept reassuring us that books had gone out, reviews would come in…when in fact they hadn’t, and they didn’t. The book — gorgeous and accomplished — never really got on its feet after that. And I’m still mad.

A senior editor: I knew the book was going to tank minutes after we acquired it. We had a new editor in chief and she was frantic and bullheaded. She heard about a book project I had in and told me to bid six figures. It had a great title, but I hadn’t even finished reading it. We “won” the auction. When I asked the agent who the underbidders were, she said she didn’t have to disclose that. Excuse me. I told her my boss would want to know. And again she declined. Obviously, there were no other bidders. The book, as it turns out, was horrible. It tanked in every way. The author had no expertise and couldn’t write. Worse, she still sends me Christmas cards.

Best for last: I hardly even hope for a book to succeed these days, because inside I am assuming that it is going to tank, since most of them do. This is sad but true. I can hardly bring myself to ask the first printings anymore…and if, after a few weeks or months, no reprint—well, then you know. It is the end. I guess I am pretty jaded, huh???

Tomorrow on this blog: sunshine and kittens.

Filed under: Agent, Authors, Books, Editor, Publishing, The End of the World as We Know It | 27 Comments »

Find Out What It Means to Me

Posted on October 19, 2009 by betsylerner

If you have a chance, check out this interview in Poets & Writers with Jon Karp, publisher of Twelve, an imprint at Hachette. It is a measure of how much I respect him and admire him that I recommend the interview because, well, look at how he answers the question regarding which agents he admires:

There are a lot of agents that I admire—too many to name. It’s funny. I really enjoy working with literary agents, but I’m not socially friendly with any of them. I kind of feel like it’s a business relationship. But I enjoy their companionship at lunch and I love talking to them about their projects. Even when I pass on their projects, I genuinely enjoy talking to them, the give and take. There are literary agents who I’ve known for fifteen years who I’m just finally doing books with. Molly Friedrich was one who I’d wanted to work with forever and finally found a novel we both loved. I’ve known Stuart Krichevsky since I was in my late twenties, and he’s trusted me with Sebastian Junger, for which I am eternally grateful. Rob Weisbach is incredibly creative and he’s going to do great things. I could talk to Tina Bennett and Heather Schroder forever. There really are a lot.

Jon, it’s okay. I’m not, like, needy. I know I’m special. That we have a connection. It’s real. I feel it. You don’t have to advertise when something is real. Congrats on the great interview. It should be required reading for every writer who wants a window into the mind of a publisher who has had tremendous success and a very smart take on the industry. Does he even remember the time we had bagels at his apartment when we had a lunch date and he had to wait for Comcast? Does he?

Filed under: Agent, Authors, Books, Editor, Publishing | 6 Comments »