Every year, Publisher’s Weekly posts sales figures for the year’s top sellers. I always comb the lists and find myself either pleasantly surprised or dumbfounded as in: wow, that great book sold many more copies than I would have thought, or, I can’t believe that piece of crap sold that many copies.

This year in the dumbfounded column:

The Last Lecture (#1 top seller): I knew this was a huge bestseller but I would have never guessed that it sold 4,388,137 copies. I know the author wrote this as he was dying and that people the world over find it beautiful and moving, but have you read it? It should have been called Are You Smarter Than a Stupid First Grader. Sorry, but I can’t take inspiration of any kind.

Gladwell’s Outliers sold 821,721. I would have thought he tipped the million mark. Wah!

Dewey (aka cat crap): 758,931.

A book called What’s Your Poo Telling You sold 161,000. No comment. Oh wait, shhh, my poo is trying to tell me something.

James Frey’s novel, Bright Shiney Asshole, sold 125,380. Oops, I think it’s called Bright Shiney Day.

Life with My Sister Madonna by Christopher Ciccone, who I believe is her brother, sold 235,000. Material Girl!

Michael Phelps No Limits sold 200,000. Not sure if that was before or after he was caught bogarting the bong.

Jessica Seinfeld’s Deceptively Delicious sold 156,000. Have you ever tried hiding a yam in chocolate pudding?

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