• Forest for the Trees
  • THE FOREST FOR THE TREES is about writing, publishing and what makes writers tick. This blog is dedicated to the self loathing that afflicts most writers. A community of like-minded malcontents gather here. I post less frequently now, but hopefully with as much vitriol. Please join in! Gluttons for punishment can scroll through the archives.

    If I’ve learned one thing about writers, it’s this: we really are all alone. Thanks for reading. Love, Betsy

The Needle and the Damage Done

Agents’ lunch today. One of our charter members has decamped to a new social networking company. I’m only surprised it hasn’t happened before now. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve never spent too much time writing about e-books and the future of the book. It’s not that I don’t find it interesting, or that I’m a technophobe, or that I’m glib about it. I just don’t feel that I can do that much about it. I have to stay focussed on my writers and helping them get contracts, and get their books written, and help them find lecture agents, and publicists, and accountants and shrinks. Okay, I admit it, I don’t give a shit about e-books. I was the last to get a vcr, phone answering machine, word processor (I loved my typewriter), the last to get a computer, cell phone, blackberry (the love of my life). So when I have to read on a Kindle, iPad, Tampon, whatever, I will.

The Gods Must Be Crazy

I studied pottery throughout high school. Junior year, we had a teacher who started the term by asking us to make kiln gods to “protect and bless” our firings. These were, in effect, clay finger puppets. To show what I thought of the project and my eternal hipness, I created a little man giving the finger.

Since then, I have had a series of typewriter gods, little effigies that do absolutely nothing but protect and bless my keyboard. Among my totems: the smallest, peanut-sized Matryoshka doll, a white Porsche, a brass penguin, a polished stone, a pair of smiling strawberry salt & pepper shakers, and a purloined monkey covering his ears, from a set of three each the size of a walnut: see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil.

Do you have any writing gods?

I’m No School Boy But I Know What I Like

"I'll light the fire while you put the flowers in the vase you bought today..."

Put my Blackberry away for the weekend. As a result, I got to the end of Book I in Roberto Bolano’s genius 2666, picked up an old project and added some pages,  and read about 150 pages of clients’ work. I also discovered why all the glasses in the dishwasher were coming out with a film of fine sand on them and fixed it. Of this last accomplishment, I am possibly most proud.

The little red light on my Blackberry that signals a new email or call is like a tiny laser that I can see no matter where it is: in the drawer of my bed stand, flashing inside my pocketbook, or in another room. We are like new lovers at a party, dying to find each other and escape so that we can be alone again. Most of the time it’s Twitter telling me someone I’ve never heard of with three followers is now following me. Or it’s a client who feels a pressing need to know her Turkish royalties for the novel she published three years ago.

It was warm enough to sit outside, and I read the Bolano while my dog madly chewed a stick. Once or twice (okay, twenty or thirty times) I patted my jacket for my Blackberry, the way I did for cigarettes when I smoked. So, apart from reading this blog, what technology is fucking with your writing life?

Valium Would Have Helped That Bash

That's me in the middle. Back in the day.

I’m thinking about throwing a 10th birthday party for the revised and updated Forest for the Trees when it comes out. Who would I invite? Clients? Editors? Commenters? (Notice I don’t mention friends because I don’t have any. Everyone in my life is connected through writing except Jenny Chan.)

Book parties? What’s worse than being locked up with a bunch of writers? I’ve always had a love hate thing with literary gatherings. When I was single, I went in the hope of getting laid. Now, there is almost no incentive. I never know what to wear — and it shows. An existential dread envelopes me as the date nears and I transfer that anxiety into a marathon hate-fest about the host and hostess as well as most of the guests. I can’t have more than one drink or I say things I regret. And worst of all, I sometimes glom on to one person and monopolize him or her. I’m so ashamed. I can tell when the person wants to make a clean break, but I keep yammering on about how much the business has changed, or the Gladwell phenomenon, or the Kindle. FMD.

Wallflowers? Party animals? Tell all!

Oh, How It Feels So Real

Today, walking to my lunch date, I had a brainstorm about my first screenplay and how to adapt it for television.  And in the next moment, a scene for the fucker I’m currently “working on” started writing itself in my head. I took out my pad and wrote down the three key words that would help me remember the scene later: fidelity, regression, wrap around dress.

And then I went to lunch and met a new client for the first time. She had a tremendously lusty laugh and it was great to finally meet after months of phone and email. She had to run for a train, but instead of leaving with her I ordered a cappuccino (even though I recently read that people in Europe only drink cappuccino for breakfast, and when Americans order it for after lunch or dinner they appear unsophisticated, drinking a big glass of milk in the middle of the day like a school boy). But I digress.

Instead of checking the blackberry and glaring at the waitress for the bill, I relaxed for five minutes, sipped my cappuccino, and thought more about the two projects. When I was young and wrote pomes, they always started in my head and clipped along in my brain all day. When I stopped writing, the clopping stopped, too. For me, being most alive is cinematic, is my brain away from my cranium, is making up shit that is true, or rings true, or rings twice. It’s usually a good sign when I start writing in my head. However, it may also signal time to see my doctor.

Do you write in your head? More important, do you get it down on paper?

Andy Are You Goofing on Elvis?

Dear Betsy,

I’m a young(ish) literary agent working for NAME BLACKED OUT. I know you’re a very busy woman, but I’m good friends with a couple of other young editors/agents, who are also now addicted to your blog, and we would love to take you out for drinks or dinner at some point in the hopes that you would be our cool publishing mentor. If you have any interest in this please let me know and we’ll take you out and ask you a bunch of annoying questions and tell you how much we love you. If you’re too busy, no worries, we would just love to meet you at some point and soak up your literary wisdom (over booze, etc.).

Yrs, NAME BLACKED OUT

Okay, twist my arm.

Met with these freaks tonight and they were me twenty years ago, only more together. And thinner. And better dressed. And not negative or fatalistic or depressive or self-destructive. (Which makes me wonder if they meant to invite me or a different publishing blogger for drinks, or perhaps they were working their way down a list and I was the first to say yes because I’m such a busy and easily flattered woman.) They were lovely, smart, hardworking, plugged in, and building their lists. I felt glad to be older for a change; it’s hard to say whether you can still have a good long run in this business. They all lamented how publishers are no longer interested in developing writers over the long haul. I gave them my best advice: start your own publishing company. A new financial model. New voices. Different assumptions. I hope I impressed them with my warmth, confidence, and savvy.

Celebrity sighting during my lunch date on Sixth Avenue above Houston Street: Ben Stiller. Much cuter in person than you would think. Large head, tiny body. No ass whatsoever.

There’s a Port On a Western Bay

You’re familiar with the idea, I’m sure, that you can’t really love anyone until you love yourself. God as my witness, I am married eighteen years today and I am extremely capable of loving others while still hating myself. I had a lot of time to think today, five hours to be exact, while retrieving the car from New Jersey. I mostly thought about my idea for a screenplay, never getting past the first eight scenes. I also thought about how much I hate certain people. I wasn’t actually thinking about how much I hate them, but rather replayed scenes and conversations when I felt wronged or betrayed.

Then Freebird came on the radio, and it seemed brilliant as the sun broke through a pyramid of clouds over Bridgeport. Am I really eighteen years married? During a period of severe depression, my mother told my husband that I was a lot of work, but that I was worth it. Am I a lot of work? I’ve always hated the idea that marriage or any relationship is work. Work is trying to understand a royalty statement, or pitching a book for the 29th time, or reading the 6th draft of a book, or renegotiating the Pitney Bowes lease. Am I wrong? Suddenly, I’m starving. Though I know you don’t read my blog, happy anniversary my love.

What does any of this have to do with writing?

Long Live the King Yo

Dearest Readers of This Blog:

I am late out of the gate with this post due to marrying a Catholic with a large family who takes Easter seriously (I did not know this going in), and a flat tire on the Palisades Interstate Parkway at approx mile 3.5. All of the usual things happened: a man, resembling a serial killer stopped to help. The flat bed tow truck driver relieved of us $40 in what was, to all, an obvious scam.

This morning a NYT article on David Remnick was puffier than my pillow. He takes the subway! He makes time every day to chat with the little people! He writes lovely thank you notes! He gets up at 5:30 am to start writing and, after he puts the kids to sleep, he burns the midnight. Just want to say, for the record: I do all that. And I would go man to man with him on thank you notes. Mine perfectly drip with sincerity and ass-licking cant so subtle and sublime you might think I actually cared. Oh, and one other difference, small, I don’t run The New Yorker. That.

In For A Penny

On February 1, 2010, I posted what I believe is the first ever Pages or Pounds Challenge. At that time, I challenged my boot camp trainer to write twenty new pages by April 1, while challenging myself to lose 10 pounds. And then I asked if anyone out there reading wanted to get in on the action. Ok, here’s where we are. He as written 18 pages. I have gained two pounds. I could go on and on about it, but I already did that in Food and Loathing. The end of that book has a quasi-upbeat ending about the whole food issue. What a crock!

How did you all do? Any good news?

I’ve Got a Bitter Pot of Je Ne Sais Quoi

Driving to New Jersey, I passed a car with a bumper sticker that read: No Jesus No Peace. Know Jesus Know Peace.

In the car, I listened to the audio tape of Roberto Bolano’s masterpiece, 2666. Honestly, I wish I were driving to California because listening to that story was the most pleasurable encounter I have had with language in a long time (the bumper sticker notwithstanding). I am switching immediately to the book. The tape is wonderful, but it goes by too quickly. I think I was actually smiling while driving. (Which reminds me of a quote that cracked me up. When asked if he ever smiled, Don DeLillo replied, “Only when I’m alone.”)

The class, the students, the day, the spiel, the q, the a, it all went really well. One of the students looked like Topher Grace, which I consider a good thing.

And thanks for all the fashion advice. It didn’t help, of course. My idea of heels are Doc Martens.