The End of the World as We Know It | Betsy Lerner

Everybody Wants to Shine

Posted on February 23, 2010 by betsylerner

If you’ve been following the blog in the last two weeks, you know that I went to LA and in four days saw exactly ONE celebrity, Josh Duhamel. And if I’m going to be completely honest, I’m not 100% certain it was Duhamel. Tonight, however, at the revival of Sam Shephard’s A Lie of the Mind, I saw: Mike Nichols (he looks amazing), Natalie Portman (looks amazing), and John Lithgow (looks t-terrif). There were tons of characters actors upon whom spotting you say, “isn’t that so and so?” and “wasn’t he in such and that?” Very fun, buzzy new york night.

Which followed a moody day, contemplating some of the comments from yesterday and trying to better understand this four-way stop my writing career has taken. I want to thank everyone who offered generous observations and Vivian Swift, in all her wisdom, who reminded us that a) it is February and b) leave the hair alone.

And last, why is Betsy Lerner such a star-fucker? Any insights?

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and the moon rose over an open field

Posted on January 31, 2010 by betsylerner

This motherfucker doesn't empty itself.

I think one of the worst parts of being a writer is trying to appear normal. Especially at grown-up gatherings such as holidays, dinner parties, gallery openings. I really like the self-check out at the supermarket; cuts down on one more human interaction. What is normal? How would I know? The thing is, I pass. Most of us do. We don’t live in Morocco, or Prague, or wherever the hell Denis Johnson lives. We are among you. Observing, sizing up, spying. Listening in on your conversation and writing down your best lines. We are having an affair with the grad student at the Blue State Cafe, telepathically of course.We are searching for a pen in the bottom of our bag. We are doing our jobs, checking our balances, emptying the dishwasher, again. Why do I feel so desolate?

I want to understand how it is that being by myself with my keyboard is when I feel least alone. Not connected to others, per se. I’ve never understood writers who say they write to help other people. I write to hurt them. Just kidding, sort of. I write to feel normal.

Can anyone relate?

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Life is Very Short, and There’s no Time

Posted on January 28, 2010 by betsylerner

Dear Betsy,

I love your blog. I love that you say motherfucker, ass, fuck, shit, and so on. It makes me laugh, smile, and learn what you’re saying all the more. Kudos.

So my true question goes like this. How does a writer get voice in their writing? Are there examples that you just fucking dig, that scream voice? Fuck yeah, voice? What advice would you have for a writer like me, who maybe has a voice, but isn’t getting it on paper like she fucking should?

But in the meantime, would it help to swear my face off on the page? I shvitzed like a whore in church as I fell with that motherfucking 35W bridge, but I took most of the cursing out of my sample, for a variety of reasons – thinking it would limit my readership if I swore too much. But, did that leave my chapter flat? Voiceless?

You are completely awesome. Thank you.

Dear Sweet Love: The only word that I find truly reprehensible in your letter is “kudos.” The first time I heard it (at a publishing meeting), I thought it was a made up word: a cross between a granola bar and that scary movie, Cujo (based on Stephen King’s novel). I thought they were saying, “Cujos, cujos,” and I couldn’t figure it the fuck out.

Don’t swear. It’s unbecoming. Voice is a helluva lot more than some four letter words. It’s everything in one respect because your reader either trusts it or not. Every element matters such as structure, style, character, pacing, plot, etc. but the voice is the engine. It can hum, purr, or roar, but you’ve got to have control of it. It’s probably impossible to teach because it’s in the DNA of the sentences, unlike syntax or tense of pov which you can take a red pen to and say, here, look, this isn’t working.

“Schvitzed like a whore?” Hello? Sprinkle your yiddish even more sparingly than your curse words and you’ll be okay. I think.

Love, Betsy

Filed under: The End of the World as We Know It, Writing | 17 Comments »

We Are Family

Posted on January 4, 2010 by betsylerner

Much to say about the new year, but fuck that shit. I want to write about how family destroys the writer’s life. How, at the holidays, every part of my body screams: flee. I was telling one of my clients how much I dread the whole season, but then apologized for talking that way. After all, some people are homeless and don’t have any family. Doesn’t that sound great, she cooed.

Look, I’ve never given my whole self over to writing. I’m not built that way. I need stability, so I’m sort of talking out of my ass when I say I’m standing on the outside. Middle child. Black sheep. Voted most likely to become a… writer! But stability for me is writing. Getting away from everyone. What was I writing about anyway at eight, twelve, eighteen, etc. The same shit. Not getting enough. Variations on the theme: food, love, sex, attention. Much as I love to proclaim my hero’s dictum, “Loyalty to the family is tyranny to the self,” I doubt I’d have anything of value in my life without my family. I’m actually pretty sure of that. And yet, and yet. The drama of the fucked up child. Anybody with me? Anybody?

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Givin’ Yourself to Me Can Never Be Wrong

Posted on December 23, 2009 by betsylerner

This is it, my last post until Monday, January 4, 2010.

As a small child, I felt in my heart two contradictory feelings, the horror of life and the ecstasy of life.

Here’s my question, if I don’t believe in god, resolutions, or e-books, what do I have to look forward to in the new year? The answer, Nation, is writing. Writing. And writing. As far as I can tell it’s the only way out. I want to know on January 4, 2010, what you did, writing-wise, on your vacation (or few days off, I hope).

Did you finish your novel, start one? Did you get your query letters buffed and polished? Did you write a poem? Read a poem? Sublimate massive amounts of rage at those who rejected you this year and kept writing? Did you write a letter? On paper? Did you put a novel away? Did you write in your diary? Did you find the common thread in your story collection? Did you start therapy to deal with your writer’s block?

Did find a title for your new project, and that title galvanized the whole thing in your mind? Did you write twenty new pages? Ten? Or did you throw out every page you wrote, but wtf, you knew you were getting somewhere, big picture-wise. Or you threw every page away and fell into a deep despair which seemed to have no end in sight? Or did you just jerk off, and by that I mean were you really good to yourself?

My goal is block out my new script with my collaborator. And figure out how to install the new Final Draft software. If it would help to pledge your writing goal here, go for it.

Please take good care. I miss you already. Otherwise, happy and healthy new year. Let’s hope it doesn’t suck as much as this year. Love, Betsy

Filed under: The End of the World as We Know It, Writers, Writing | 40 Comments »

I LOVE ALL MY HATERS

Posted on December 21, 2009 by betsylerner

It’s that time of year. Everyone making top lists. I’m proud to say that Dave Cullen’s Columbine has made it on to 15 Best lists and still counting including NYT, Chicago, Salon, LA Times, Entertainment Weekly, etc.

For the record, here is my Top Ten List of Things I Hate (in 2009):

1) “Apps”

Where's the app for self-loathing?

2)Watching people use their iphone, especially men.

3) “Vacay” and “Staycation”

4) Robert Downey, Jr. and Mickey Rourke robbed at 2009 Oscars.

Sean Fuckin' Penn

5)”Man up.”

6) Jay Leno more than ever

Stinker

7) Did Michael Jackson die?

8) Mad Men withdrawal

I wd die 4 u

9) “Sexting”

10) Upping the Best Picture Category to Ten Oscar Nominations

Nominees or a minyan?

DID I MISS ANYTHING?

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SOmeone LIke You Makes It Hard To Live WIthout SOmebody Else

Posted on December 16, 2009 by betsylerner

I wish I had something to say to inspire you tonight, but my tank is low if I’m going to be honest. I know I’m not an ER nurse, but sometimes this work is incredibly draining. Worse, I know that whatever anxiety I’m feeling whether it’s waiting for an editorial response, waiting for money, waiting for an offer, etc. it’s far worse for the writer. I have all these children living in my shoe. When something doesn’t happen for one, it’s bound to happen for another. One writer is getting tons of attention, a fat new offer on her next book, foreign sales galore. Another writer can’t get arrested. And three years from now their situations might be reversed; fickle are the gods of publishing.

This year has also brought even more uncertainty and fear about the fate of books. How many billions of conversations we’ve had about Kindle and Nook and Google, etc. and still don’t where the hell it’s going. We are obsessed with the question of the future and how to protect our writers’ interests. My question is: how as a writer do you get it up in the face of so much uncertainty? How the fuck do you do it?

Filed under: Authors, Books, E-books, The End of the World as We Know It | 42 Comments »

One is the Loneliest Number

Posted on December 11, 2009 by betsylerner

Today is the one year anniversary of my blog. When I started, I decided to give it a three month trial period. I can’t believe how quickly I got hooked, though I shouldn’t be surprised given my addictive personality. As we used to say in the program of which I am no longer a part: I can get addicted to anything I can do more than once.

Since I’ve been writing and revising an Oscar speech my whole life, here’s my Blog version: I want to thank my readers most of all, lurkers and commenters alike. Though I love the commenters a little bit more. My mother used to say she loved us three girls equally, but I read Lear and knew she was lying. Sorry, off topic. I want to thank the bloggers who I’ve read over the years and who inspired me, the agent bloggers who have been very kind to me with tips and links. I want to thank everyone who has linked to me. To the folks who wrote in questions and subjected themselves to my answers. To Hillary Moss who set up the site. To the folks who participated in my fakakta surveys. I want to thank the people in my life who have to hear me say things like: today in my blog, or I have to post, or blog blah blah blah. And Riverhead Books and Becky Saletan who green lit the revision of FFTT. To Vivian who is so Swift. And to my bro, LC. And August, the month in which I was born. And to a poet who got so angry with me that he up and left when I wouldn’t or couldn’t help him. This has been an incredible experience. Dad, (now I get teary and look to the heavens) this if for you. (I say this shaking my imaginary statuette at the ceiling.) You never really believed in me as a writer and that gave me all I needed. Thank you.

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Baby, It’s Cold Outside

Posted on November 11, 2009 by betsylerner

Every lunch date with an editor begins the same way: How bad is it? Is it going to get better? Will books still be around in our lifetime?

Last week, one editor sat down and exclaimed that she was tired of all the gloom and doom. She was going to put blinders on and get on with her work. Wake me up when it’s over.

A young editor wondered if he got in the business too late; he was worried if editors would exist in twenty, ten, five years.

Today, at a breakfast, an editor said said that sales were hideous. Books were getting out of the gate, but then mysteriously falling off a cliff a few weeks later, disappearing.

I think it’s going to take more than Jeff Bezos and Sergey Brin to put an end to print books. Still, this is a time of transition and as such it is terrifying and exciting. How as a writer do you keep your own counsel, find your way, stay warm?

Filed under: Authors, Books, Publishing, The End of the World as We Know It | 26 Comments »

Animals Strike Curious Poses

Posted on November 10, 2009 by betsylerner

Agents’ lunch today. Major topic of discussion: Amazon flew 10 “top agents” out to Seattle to talk about, um, you know, how we’re all going to be e-fucked. But before we could broach the subject of digital price wars like the one going on right now between Amazon and Wal-Mart, etc. we had to identify the “top ten agents.” Actually it was easy peasy. All the usual suspects from the puppy mills and a few wild cards. Some of us didn’t care that we hadn’t been invited. Some of us were ripshit. Guess which camp I was in?