• Forest for the Trees
  • THE FOREST FOR THE TREES is about writing, publishing and what makes writers tick. This blog is dedicated to the self loathing that afflicts most writers. A community of like-minded malcontents gather here. I post less frequently now, but hopefully with as much vitriol. Please join in! Gluttons for punishment can scroll through the archives.

    If I’ve learned one thing about writers, it’s this: we really are all alone. Thanks for reading. Love, Betsy

Hello, It’s Me

No more hiding behind email. When I have to have a talk, I’m picking up the god-damn phone. In the first place, you find out what the person is thinking, feeling, you can gauge their reaction. Plus you grow balls when you don’t sit there like big pussy typing out some apology or avoiding a confrontation.

I remember when I lived alone, about as lonely as you could be, and the phone would ring and I couldn’t answer. It was like breaking a seal. I became extremely phone phobic. Before the days of answering machines, I could stare down any motherfucking ringing phone. Then, ironically, I entered the work world as the receptionist at Morgan Stanley’s corporate library. Fourteen or so lines for every department. At first, I was freaked out. Then I got the hang of it. Later, there were days when I thought I was dancing on my console. (Of course a joint at lunch followed by three chipwiches might have been partly responsible.)

Fast forward to email and life behind the screen. This really gives writers an edge because they know how to manipulate through language. I could kiss myself for all the bullshit notes I’ve concocted. True beauties. And so, dear love, I must relinquish you as a tool for evil. I must pick up the phone and find my human chord. One of my clients has the best Boston accent which she lays on thick for me, another yawns when she lies, I can tell when another is high (again), and when one is depressed (again). Jim Carroll wheezed through his high Bronx accent and man do I miss the sound of his high, tinny voice.

Valium Would Have Helped That Bash

That's me in the middle. Back in the day.

I’m thinking about throwing a 10th birthday party for the revised and updated Forest for the Trees when it comes out. Who would I invite? Clients? Editors? Commenters? (Notice I don’t mention friends because I don’t have any. Everyone in my life is connected through writing except Jenny Chan.)

Book parties? What’s worse than being locked up with a bunch of writers? I’ve always had a love hate thing with literary gatherings. When I was single, I went in the hope of getting laid. Now, there is almost no incentive. I never know what to wear — and it shows. An existential dread envelopes me as the date nears and I transfer that anxiety into a marathon hate-fest about the host and hostess as well as most of the guests. I can’t have more than one drink or I say things I regret. And worst of all, I sometimes glom on to one person and monopolize him or her. I’m so ashamed. I can tell when the person wants to make a clean break, but I keep yammering on about how much the business has changed, or the Gladwell phenomenon, or the Kindle. FMD.

Wallflowers? Party animals? Tell all!

In For A Penny

On February 1, 2010, I posted what I believe is the first ever Pages or Pounds Challenge. At that time, I challenged my boot camp trainer to write twenty new pages by April 1, while challenging myself to lose 10 pounds. And then I asked if anyone out there reading wanted to get in on the action. Ok, here’s where we are. He as written 18 pages. I have gained two pounds. I could go on and on about it, but I already did that in Food and Loathing. The end of that book has a quasi-upbeat ending about the whole food issue. What a crock!

How did you all do? Any good news?

Hurt People Hurt People

Am working on the copy edit of the revision to Forest for the Trees. I thought I was making it better, but today it seems worse. You know how that is. In fact, I can’t believe I ever got it written in the first place. I seriously don’t know where I got the balls. The cojones. The brass ones. The nuts, nads, teabags. The taint, the testes, the kajmaster. The ballpark.

Sometimes I think that’s all writing is: taking a seat on the subway when twenty people are standing, or shoving your way into a line. Or taking off all your clothes and walking through a desert. Or fetching gutter balls in a run-down bowling alley, the machinery wheezing and jamming. Or eating a loaf of bread. Or having the urge to kiss strangers. Writing is quaint, stupid, self-congratulatory. It’s faux-sexual, falsely idealistic, a poor reflection of a poor reflection.

Anyone else do any writing over the weekend?

You Don’t Know What You Got Til’ It’s Gone

I’m the middle of three girls. My two sisters have blonde hair and blue eyes. I don’t. They used to call me Jan Brady after the Brady Bunch episode where Jan gets a brunette wig to differentiate herself from Marcia and Cindy. I think the psychological term is “individuate.”

Anyway, I always felt like the son in the family as growing up I was closest to my dad. He owned a lumber yard and he very much wanted me to work with him. But Dad, I cried, I don’t care about lumber. It’s not about lumber, he used to say, it’s about people. But Dad, I cried, I don’t care about people, I care about books. When I eventually made it into publishing, my father was extremely proud and would show anyone who came to our house where my name was listed in the acknowledgments of a book. It was mortifying, of course, and I believe it explains in part why people stopped coming to our house.

My dad eventually sold his business. There’s a CVS where the yard used to be.

What were you supposed to be when/if you grew up?

I’m Singing In the Rain

Dear Betsy,
Honestly, how important (or not) is it for a writer to have a blog? I started one over a year ago to try and promote my work, but I decided to stop for a number of reasons, at the top of the list that I wasn’t updating it every day. I write longer pieces, and I felt that my audience (barring 37 friends) wanted shorter. I also began to feel like a hack; I don’t read blogs (except yours and those of a few foodies), I read books. I write books, and I hope they will be published. Have I squelched my chances by removing myself from the cybersphere?
Your Fan,

P.S. I also hate Facebook.

Dear To Blog or Not to Blog:

You shouldn’t blog. You tried it, like you might try sweet and sour soup, or snowboarding, or tinting your eyelashes and you determined that it wasn’t for you. It’s not a crime not to blog. It’s tempting in this rapidly changing world to think you have to cover all the bases: website, blog, facebook, tweet, and god only knows what’s coming down the pike. Some people are not temperamentally cut out for it. I think Robert Lowell would have blogged, not so Elizabeth Bishop. Walt Whitman and Alan Ginsberg would have blogged; Emily Dickinson might have tweeted. Sylvia Plath would have blogged. Anne Sexton would have been all over Facebook.

Some writers have made tremendous use of the web to promote their work. I think the best example is Chuck Palahnuik. Not that he needs my plug. His site, aka The Cult, is pretty amazing with forums, writers workshop, galleries, chat rooms and a store! If anyone wants to know what to get me for any occasion, I really like the t-shirts.

Look, it’s certainly an advantage if you have a huge presence on the web, especially if you are starting out and want to show a publisher that you have a following, a platform to use their word. Of course it is. But you can’t make yourself someone you’re not. As far as I can tell, Alice Munro, Jhumpa Lahiri, and Lorrie Moore don’t blog.

What do you think out there? How important is it to B-L-O-G?

The 82nd Academy Awards: I LOVE YOU MORE THAN RAINBOWS – Guest Post by Erin Hosier

I went over to Betsy’s Sunday night to watch the Oscars. Her family plied me with reheated pizza, artichoke salad and birthday cake. In return I honored them with a yappy dog and this non-live blog.

OVERALL, the whole thing was appalling. I’m mostly referring to the aesthetic of the show, its alarming tackiness, the preponderance of uncomfortable moments, not to mention the horrible posture of so many of the presenters –
Kristen Stewart should be banished until she can stand up straight. But at least James Cameron didn’t win. Some random notes…

THE FASHION was a mixed bag. An orange Sarah Jessica Parker looked as if she were dressed by Barbara Streisand‘s coke dealer. Samuel L. Jackson, again with the Kangol cap. Meryl looked cool in white, and Miley Cyrus looked like Satan’s whore. (And someone needs to teach these young actresses how to speak.) Kate Winslet appeared weirdly 90’s in a silver sheath; why she would depart with McQueen is anyone’s guess. Sandra Bullock talked on the red carpet about “the journey,” but she looked perfect and Betsy defended her for leaving LA, producing her own movies, yeah, yeah. Gabourey Sidibe has personality plus and was regal in Marchesa. When Oprah feted her from the stage it was like being kissed by God. Vera Farmiga’s scarlet cream puff was a little too JonBenet for my taste; but thank God looking at Rachel McAdams is like looking in the mirror.

BEST DRESSED: Charlize Theron. J’adore Dior.

COMMERCIALS: Whoopi Goldberg‘s 10-minute shill for Poise, a product that deals with, um, “I just peed a little” female incontinence was simply unforgiveable. Fire your agent. Additionally, Cervical Cancer borrowed Breast Cancer’s ad agency for a spot aimed at making us feel unsure about our wombs, a total downer.

BEST MOMENT: Did you catch Samuel L. Jackson’s eye-roll when Mo’Nique walked off with Best Supporting? Genius!

BETSY’S KEEN OBSERVATIONS: Betsy nodded off throughout the night, claiming her early writing hours were to blame; I still wanted to check her arms. She liked “An Education” well enough even though Peter Saarsgard is creepy. She also claims to know that Jeremy Renner was a porn star. She didn’t miss Jack Nickolson. She thought the Martin/Baldwin co-hosting “worked.” She is basically in love with gentle giant Katherine Bigelow. She thought Jeff Bridges seemed pretty high. (Hhe reminds me of Bill Roorbach. Actually, Betsy thought most of the actors were stoned. She would know. Oh, ots of Jewish jokes, which Betsy laughed at too hard. I have to admit I didn’t get half the jokes in A Serious Man; do you have to be Jewish?

AND THE WINNER IS: Nobody doesn’t like Sandra Bullock. Holy Veronica Lake, not bad for 45, but I was hoping for an upset in this category.

I’m kind of glad “Up in the Air “got shut out. Clooney’s okay but Vera Farmiga‘s character was all wrong. I love that actress but she was forced to wear satin blouses from 1992 and the big reveal in their relationship is one of cinema’s unlikeliest fantasies. Anna Kendrick reminds me of the most uptight editorial assistant ever to pinch her size 8 foot into a corporate heel from Talbot’s.

Good for you, Kathryn Bigelow. “The Hurt Locker” was pretty good. Sorry everyone is being sued now by the real-life dude whose story it is.

Crazy Heart: the feel good alcoholic story of the year. Am I alone in my disappointment with that one? Spoiler alert: nothing happens. Jeff Bridges still manages to look cool even when he’s fat and dry heaving. I guess he’s broke or something? The journalist gal with the C-section scar falls for him, but then he loses her kid at a bar and goes to rehab and learns his lesson. My favorite scene is when he’s in the ‘hab and hanging out in the gazebo having a coffee, and one of those entertainment lawyer types comes over, puts his hand on Bridges’ shoulder, squeezes, and says, “We’re really glad you’re here.”

Wish I could have said the same.

-EH

As We Lie In Fields of Gold

First, I just want to say hey to all the haters out there who commented on today’s blog. I sometimes wonder why I spend so much time blogging; well today there is no doubt. To drag everyone down with me. Thank you, thank you.

Finally, I have a very special treat for you on Monday. My first guest blogger who will give you a round-up of the Oscars that will kill you. Nobody does it better. See you on the red carpet!

You Know I Need You

I need you like the flower needs the rain.

When I was a young editor, there was an editor, maybe two years older than I was, but miles ahead of me in her career, who I was insanely jealous of. I didn’t even like her books that much, but she was clearly a player and she was very beautiful. Over time, the gap closed and I had my own stable of authors. But the jealousy never abated. Just the sheer mention of her name made me crazy when she acquired a book or climbed the publishing ladder to even greater heights. At some point during this time, I came up with the Bete Noire Theory of Publishing. This is when one particular person out there is the focal point of all your envy. The sick part is that you need this person like the winter needs the spring. And I believe every editor has one. One editor who sees all the same projects, gets courted for all the same jobs, who wins auctions and beds interns. (I don’t actually approve of bedding interns, but that’s another post.)

I also believe that most writers have their own Bete Noire. You know the writer who has agents clamoring for her. The writer The New Yorker plucked for their debut fiction issue. The one whose book gets optioned by George Clooney, or after having flop after flop still gets a lucrative contract from Knopf. Or maybe it is the one who wrote about what you’re still trying to write about. Or who received a Pulitzer for a book you couldn’t read it was so…downmarket. Or who has a great husband five kids and is about to publish her sixth novel. Or worse, the one whose husband left her, has five kids, a rare disease that’s eroding her vision and is still about to publisher her sixth novel. These fuckin’ people.

Who makes you crazy? Who is the one? And you don’t have to name names, though we surely wouldn’t stop you.

Might As Well Face It You’re Addicted

My name is Betsy and I’m a “writer.”

Hi, Betsy, Welcome.

I want to thank everyone for being here tonight. I’m grateful to the rooms, to all of you, and to my HP. (I nod my head here to signal my humility.) I tried to stop writing a year ago. I told myself I could handle it. I wrote because I wanted to, not because I had to. I wrote when I was happy, when I was sad, lonely, angry, horny. Eventually I wrote for any damn reason. (The room nods back in assent.) But then I hit bottom. I started stealing, lying, hiding my manuscripts. One night, the cops pulled me over, they caught me: jotting notes in my Moleskin while driving. That’s why I’m here. And with your help, and god’s grace, I will quit writing one day at a time.

Would anyone else like to share?