The holidays are upon us and one reader wants to know:
Could you spill all, please, on gifting standards for agents at Christmas/holidays? Like maybe a continuum, from just started working
together, haven’t sent the mss out yet, to sold book one, etc. Dos, don’ts? Ask the assistant?
This was too much for little old me, so I consulted her holiness, Amy Vanderbilt. She has a section on business gift giving, but it’s pretty tedious, “There are no hard and fast rules governing the giving of gifts in an office but you must use good judgment.” Oh, okay. Later she counsels, “If you receive a present that smacks of sexual innuendo or bribery, return it immediately. Don’t even keep it for the day.” Not even a few hours? Send back the Hitachi Magic Wand! Now!
Sidebar: On page 386, in the section on weddings, Vanderbilt has a sketch of a “Jewish grouping at a chuppah” showing where everyone stands in relation to the rabbi. In case you didn’t know, the maid of honor does NOT stand next to the groomsman who she will later ball in the coatcheck room. Just saying.
Where does this leave us? I say a card is always nice. A bottle of wine. A St. Dunkin’s gift card. Every year my favorite client sends a box of fruit from Harry and David and the whole office loves it. Lots of chocolate arrives in fancy boxes which I can’t eat because I’m allergic to nuts and half that crap has marzipan in it. But everybody else loves it. If your agent got you a seven figure deal, I’d spring for the Teucher Deluxe Gift Box. If you just started working together, maybe an A-Rod Bobble Head. One client gave me a Waterman pen, but that wasn’t for Christmas. I would never ask an assistant what to get, at least not our assistant who is at a Pearl Jam concert tonight and sometimes eats an entire box of cereal in one sitting at his desk. Other ideas: book ends, paper weights, letter openers, stationery, you see where I’m going with this. I would stay away from that catalogue company Levenger just because all their stuff looks like the last person who used it was dead. I think the coolest gift I ever got was a Ouiji board by a client whose novel featured a scene with a Ouiji. I use it as my desk blotter and often consult the spirits when selling a book. 
Bottom line: if you give with your heart you won’t spend as much money.
Filed under: Protocol |
Betsy Lerner 
I don’t give my agent or editor anything. I sent a card once, but eh. My suspicion is that this is one of those rules that screws women, while men get a free pass.
I’m a Druid, so I never get these strange modern holiday rituals right . I went to a lot of trouble canning my artisanal homemade kitten stew last year and NOBODY liked it, and now I find out that I could have given FRUIT.
Just FWI, fruit *bats* work, too.
And I spent twenty minutes in the Travel section, looking for your book before realizing it’s in Self-Help!
Did you know you can custom order bobble heads to look like anyone you want?
http://www.thebobblehead.com/
I thought the Ouija blotter was the best thing ever, but a custom bobble-head? Oh dear… this Christmas might turn out a little *too* good LOL
How about an 8 Ball? Better than Ouija board, it is always as accurate as consulting physics (don’t ask the odds here).
I keep an 8 Ball around for serious questions, like whether I will get a piece of writing finished, whether anyone will read it if I DO get it completed, etc.
Great fun.
Thanks so much. I’m half-Japanese so you know we are just nuts when it comes to gifts. Nice to have an expert opinion.
I posted a Letter to Santa recently on my blog, and the Magic 8 Ball was on the list. Now that you’ve reminded me about the Ouija board, it’s a must-have. Both a paperweight AND a blotter on my desktop. Will I have all life’s answers at my fingertips? All signs point to yes.