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We Could Have Had It All

 

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This is it: the great pre-publication weight loss challenge. Friends, I have three months to reduce before the book comes out. Take this journey with me and you will scale the heights, plummet the depths, restrict and binge, go the gym and cry in the shower. I will try on everything in my closet and throw it on the floor, throw myself on the floor. I will try to make peace with myself but there will be no peace.

My daughter reminded me of a few choice quotes from Adele:

I’m not going to lose weight because someone tells me to. I make music to be a musician not to be on the cover of Playboy.

I don’t want to eat a Caesar salad with no dressing, why would I do that?

I’ve never wanted to look like models on the cover of magazines. I represent the majority of women and I’m very proud of that.

Then my daughter said, “Would you rather have ten Grammy’s or be a size two?

Hmmmm. How about five Grammys and a size six? Two Grammys and a size 10? How about no Grammys and I wake up one fucking day of my life and not feel like a piece of shit.

P.S. What do you want most in life?

P.S.S. Please follow me on FB or give me a big Sally Field. Apparently this will help sell books. I’m not just a whore for my book. I was a whore long before this.

You Look Like a Movie, You Sound Like a Song

 

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I said it would never happen, but I’ve become a nightmare. I send cloying emails every day to my editor’s assistant asking for more time, making more changes on the galleys, asking the same stupid questions about social media over and over like only a fifty-something can.  And no matter how obnoxious and ingratiating I am, this young woman remains unflappable. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough.

Meet the world’s best assistant editor aka The Slayer. She always gets back to me promptly, is always friendly and encouraging. She is also an astute reader.I trust her implicitly. And I know that she’s constantly working behind the scenes to make it all go smoothly. I always thought I was an amazing assistant, but The Slayer slays me. Honestly, I deserve an apathetic Millennial with hipster aspirations who vapes and snubs social media. The Slayer is perfect. I recently made the mistake of asking how old she is.

What kind of assistant were you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Mirror Staring Back at Me

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Guys, here’s my author photo (pre-facelift). My mother hates it, so I figure I’m on the right track.

Be honest, but not brutally honest.

Yesterday Don’t Matter If It’s Gone

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I know it looks like The Bridge Ladies have hijacked my blog about writing, depression, and how publishing will break your heart in a hundred different ways. The Bridge Ladies is my new book and it’s coming out in May and if you love me even a little please buy a copy or 200 for your local synagogue’s sisterhood. Or pre-order. ;)

So I’m working on changing the blog and trying to keep it the same. I’m trying to lose weight and am gaining it instead. I’m trying to sleep through the night but I’m up every hour. It’ been seven years since I published a book and I feel as nervous as a virgin. I want to spread the word about Bridge Ladies and hear from people about their  Bridge memories. But I also want to throw my mashed potatoes on the floor and spit peas through a straw at the ceiling.

I’m thinking about blogging about the publication of the book. Is this interesting or even more indulgent than the thousand plus posts I’ve dumped on a beautiful and unsuspecting world.

What would you do if you were me?

It’s Raining Men, Hallelujah!

BARNES & NOBLE DISCOVER PRIZE

Nonfiction Finalist

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Bettyville available in paperback 3/16.

 George Hodgman  IS ON FIRE.

Long as I Know How to Love I Know I’ll Stay Alive

08hodgman3-master18051q6c2lxz4l-_sx329_bo1204203200_Congratulations to my dear friend and client GEORGE HODGMAN on his NATIONAL BOOK CRITICS CIRCLE nomination. New York Times Bestseller Bettyville available in paperback  March.

Are you the kind of person who prepares his acceptance speech or wings it?

I see the hate in your eyes, damn them boys is too fly

 

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It’s that time of year: THE HATE LIST 2015

  1. Carrie’s wig
  2. Jimmy Fallon and the new late night TV line-up with the exception of my new boyfriend James Corden. I HEART JAMES CORDEN.
  3. Snatch chat.
  4. That McNulty/Noah Saloway is British. How?! How?!
  5. The only movie I loved this year will not get nominated. Room.
  6. Unsubscribe feedback requests
  7. The House of Trump.
  8. I hate the jacket of PURITY so much I can’t pick it up which is okay since I haven’t read The Goldfinch yet.
  9. The term “binge-watching.”
  10. FOMA (there is nothing better than missing out)

What’s on your list. Let’s make it long and ugly. Happy new year! Love, Betsy

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