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    I wrote a book called The Forest for the Trees and it’s an advice book for writers. For four years, I blogged every day about the agony of writing and publishing, and the self loathing that afflicts most writers. A community of like-minded malcontents gathered and thus ensued a grand conversation. Now, the most popular posts are gathered in Greatest Hits ( a work in progress) Gluttons for punishment can scroll through the archives. If I've learned one thing about writers, it's this: we really are all alone. Love, Betsy
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The 82nd Academy Awards: I LOVE YOU MORE THAN RAINBOWS – Guest Post by Erin Hosier

I went over to Betsy’s Sunday night to watch the Oscars. Her family plied me with reheated pizza, artichoke salad and birthday cake. In return I honored them with a yappy dog and this non-live blog.

OVERALL, the whole thing was appalling. I’m mostly referring to the aesthetic of the show, its alarming tackiness, the preponderance of uncomfortable moments, not to mention the horrible posture of so many of the presenters -
Kristen Stewart should be banished until she can stand up straight. But at least James Cameron didn’t win. Some random notes…

THE FASHION was a mixed bag. An orange Sarah Jessica Parker looked as if she were dressed by Barbara Streisand‘s coke dealer. Samuel L. Jackson, again with the Kangol cap. Meryl looked cool in white, and Miley Cyrus looked like Satan’s whore. (And someone needs to teach these young actresses how to speak.) Kate Winslet appeared weirdly 90’s in a silver sheath; why she would depart with McQueen is anyone’s guess. Sandra Bullock talked on the red carpet about “the journey,” but she looked perfect and Betsy defended her for leaving LA, producing her own movies, yeah, yeah. Gabourey Sidibe has personality plus and was regal in Marchesa. When Oprah feted her from the stage it was like being kissed by God. Vera Farmiga’s scarlet cream puff was a little too JonBenet for my taste; but thank God looking at Rachel McAdams is like looking in the mirror.

BEST DRESSED: Charlize Theron. J’adore Dior.

COMMERCIALS: Whoopi Goldberg‘s 10-minute shill for Poise, a product that deals with, um, “I just peed a little” female incontinence was simply unforgiveable. Fire your agent. Additionally, Cervical Cancer borrowed Breast Cancer’s ad agency for a spot aimed at making us feel unsure about our wombs, a total downer.

BEST MOMENT: Did you catch Samuel L. Jackson’s eye-roll when Mo’Nique walked off with Best Supporting? Genius!

BETSY’S KEEN OBSERVATIONS: Betsy nodded off throughout the night, claiming her early writing hours were to blame; I still wanted to check her arms. She liked “An Education” well enough even though Peter Saarsgard is creepy. She also claims to know that Jeremy Renner was a porn star. She didn’t miss Jack Nickolson. She thought the Martin/Baldwin co-hosting “worked.” She is basically in love with gentle giant Katherine Bigelow. She thought Jeff Bridges seemed pretty high. (Hhe reminds me of Bill Roorbach. Actually, Betsy thought most of the actors were stoned. She would know. Oh, ots of Jewish jokes, which Betsy laughed at too hard. I have to admit I didn’t get half the jokes in A Serious Man; do you have to be Jewish?

AND THE WINNER IS: Nobody doesn’t like Sandra Bullock. Holy Veronica Lake, not bad for 45, but I was hoping for an upset in this category.

I’m kind of glad “Up in the Air “got shut out. Clooney’s okay but Vera Farmiga‘s character was all wrong. I love that actress but she was forced to wear satin blouses from 1992 and the big reveal in their relationship is one of cinema’s unlikeliest fantasies. Anna Kendrick reminds me of the most uptight editorial assistant ever to pinch her size 8 foot into a corporate heel from Talbot’s.

Good for you, Kathryn Bigelow. “The Hurt Locker” was pretty good. Sorry everyone is being sued now by the real-life dude whose story it is.

Crazy Heart: the feel good alcoholic story of the year. Am I alone in my disappointment with that one? Spoiler alert: nothing happens. Jeff Bridges still manages to look cool even when he’s fat and dry heaving. I guess he’s broke or something? The journalist gal with the C-section scar falls for him, but then he loses her kid at a bar and goes to rehab and learns his lesson. My favorite scene is when he’s in the ‘hab and hanging out in the gazebo having a coffee, and one of those entertainment lawyer types comes over, puts his hand on Bridges’ shoulder, squeezes, and says, “We’re really glad you’re here.”

Wish I could have said the same.

-EH

15 Responses

  1. Erin, you made me feel like I was there – right there watching Betsy on the nod, while Jewish in-jokes sailed over my head.

    Watching the Oscars with you both would have been really cool, too.

  2. Excellent recap! And yes– I LOVED the Sam L. Jackson eye roll.

  3. We can only hope Whoopi was stoned when she signed on for that commercial. Next, she and Bob Dole will team up for an infomercial, “The Limp and the Leaky.”

    Great guest blog, Erin–thanks.

  4. Favorite moment: Sandra Bullock thanking her dead mom for not letting her get in cars with boys. And the cutaway shot to Jesse James, because there’s nothing hotter than a big old sleeved biker-y dude getting teary with pride about his girl.

  5. Erin, They must have hired someone from Las Vegas to design their stage set and hall decorations.

    This is the second time I’ve watched the Awards wire to wire, and I now am convinced that was a good move.

    But I’ll admit it. I have this little thing about Sandra Bullock, and I wanted to see her get an Oscar. She didn’t dissappoint.

  6. All the fashion stuff is a big yawn to me… I could give two shits about any of that. I think it’s all code, etc for simply being able to stare at really hot looking people that are all dressed up and then not feeling so creepy about it because you’re talking about fashion… But then again I love Project Runway so go figure.

    The thing that all readers of this blog should be pissed off about is that, unless I missed it, was Michael Lewis ever mentioned the entire evening as being the author of The Blind Side? If not, then why not? The whole thing started with him. Congratulations to MICHAEL LEWIS.

    • Congrats also to the hilarious and awesome writer David Rakoff, who starred in the Short Live Action winner, “The New Tenants.”

  7. Whoever wrote the script for that show should be made to wear lemon yellow Chanel for the rest of their effin’ life.

  8. My standard gripe about movie talk in America is that writers seldom get enough credit. So I’m inclined to second trickybastard’s opinion. However, I didn’t actually watch the show; instead, I tracked Twitter and nytimes.com updates and followed up today with reading (such as this recap) and slideshow viewing. So I don’t know whether the Blind Side book got mentioned or not. Seems like any adapted-screenplay discussion ought to include the thing it was adapted from. We don’t attribute GWTW to Sidney Howard and forget Margaret Mitchell, do we?

    Speaking of my gripe, here’s my proposal: the best-picture award should be bestowed on the director, the leading producer(s), AND THE SCRIPTWRITER(S). Short argument: the scenarist provides the skeleton, the director provides the flesh, and the producer does something or other involving money and must therefore be included.

  9. Rachel McAdams was my best dressed and I loved Sandra’s speech. I got all choked up with the camera panned to her husband.

  10. I don’t like Sandra Bullock.

  11. When my daughter watches the down home hick hoedown that is Miley Cyrus’ show (is this just a reason to showcase her paw – ole Billie Ray?) I think, how can this actually be the plot of Hannah Montana? Or her home life? Maybe I’m just a big city slicker (…in Arizona) but I don’t get it.

  12. I liked that for once a story (Crazy Heart) was about a guy going into rehab and actually coming out ok and redeeming himself. I was pleased by that.
    I was hoping Charlize Theron’s boob dress would be used on stage to inflate and do something fun!
    I thought lasers were going to come out of Sarah Jessica Parker’s shield dress and obliterate people. She needs a new makeup artist is what she needs.

  13. I enjoyed that Erin. Nice job.

    And nice to hear someone tell the truth. Ugh.

    I didn’t hate it this year, because I only watched it as background, while working on other stuff. And I let it get ahead on the tivo and caught up by skipping the commercials and some of the crap.

    I agree with the yawn about fashion stuff. I don’t even notice.

    And I don’t like Sandra Bullock either, though I had to admit to liking her in The Proposal, of all things. I watched it on a plane. I was about my fourth choice, but I had a lot of time to kill going back and forth to Finland, so I got to #4, expected to hate it and enjoyed the hell out of it. And will admit it publicly.

    (It also helped that Ryan Reynolds is both hot and adorable, and amusing. Wait, what was the question?)

  14. Just wanted to say that I am a BIG fan of Hannah Montana. I even have a fan site for her! Well, this is the first time I am visiting your site. It’s cool. Please write more about Hannah Montana.

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