I went over to Betsy’s Sunday night to watch the Oscars. Her family plied me with reheated pizza, artichoke salad and birthday cake. In return I honored them with a yappy dog and this non-live blog.
OVERALL, the whole thing was appalling. I’m mostly referring to the aesthetic of the show, its alarming tackiness, the preponderance of uncomfortable moments, not to mention the horrible posture of so many of the presenters -
Kristen Stewart should be banished until she can stand up straight. But at least James Cameron didn’t win. Some random notes…
THE FASHION was a mixed bag. An orange Sarah Jessica Parker looked as if she were dressed by Barbara Streisand‘s coke dealer. Samuel L. Jackson, again with the Kangol cap. Meryl looked cool in white, and Miley Cyrus looked like Satan’s whore. (And someone needs to teach these young actresses how to speak.) Kate Winslet appeared weirdly 90’s in a silver sheath; why she would depart with McQueen is anyone’s guess. Sandra Bullock talked on the red carpet about “the journey,” but she looked perfect and Betsy defended her for leaving LA, producing her own movies, yeah, yeah. Gabourey Sidibe has personality plus and was regal in Marchesa. When Oprah feted her from the stage it was like being kissed by God. Vera Farmiga’s scarlet cream puff was a little too JonBenet for my taste; but thank God looking at Rachel McAdams is like looking in the mirror.
BEST DRESSED: Charlize Theron. J’adore Dior.
COMMERCIALS: Whoopi Goldberg‘s 10-minute shill for Poise, a product that deals with, um, “I just peed a little” female incontinence was simply unforgiveable. Fire your agent. Additionally, Cervical Cancer borrowed Breast Cancer’s ad agency for a spot aimed at making us feel unsure about our wombs, a total downer.
BEST MOMENT: Did you catch Samuel L. Jackson’s eye-roll when Mo’Nique walked off with Best Supporting? Genius!
BETSY’S KEEN OBSERVATIONS: Betsy nodded off throughout the night, claiming her early writing hours were to blame; I still wanted to check her arms. She liked “An Education” well enough even though Peter Saarsgard is creepy. She also claims to know that Jeremy Renner was a porn star. She didn’t miss Jack Nickolson. She thought the Martin/Baldwin co-hosting “worked.” She is basically in love with gentle giant Katherine Bigelow. She thought Jeff Bridges seemed pretty high. (Hhe reminds me of Bill Roorbach. Actually, Betsy thought most of the actors were stoned. She would know. Oh, ots of Jewish jokes, which Betsy laughed at too hard. I have to admit I didn’t get half the jokes in A Serious Man; do you have to be Jewish?
AND THE WINNER IS: Nobody doesn’t like Sandra Bullock. Holy Veronica Lake, not bad for 45, but I was hoping for an upset in this category.
I’m kind of glad “Up in the Air “got shut out. Clooney’s okay but Vera Farmiga‘s character was all wrong. I love that actress but she was forced to wear satin blouses from 1992 and the big reveal in their relationship is one of cinema’s unlikeliest fantasies. Anna Kendrick reminds me of the most uptight editorial assistant ever to pinch her size 8 foot into a corporate heel from Talbot’s.
Good for you, Kathryn Bigelow. “The Hurt Locker” was pretty good. Sorry everyone is being sued now by the real-life dude whose story it is.
Crazy Heart: the feel good alcoholic story of the year. Am I alone in my disappointment with that one? Spoiler alert: nothing happens. Jeff Bridges still manages to look cool even when he’s fat and dry heaving. I guess he’s broke or something? The journalist gal with the C-section scar falls for him, but then he loses her kid at a bar and goes to rehab and learns his lesson. My favorite scene is when he’s in the ‘hab and hanging out in the gazebo having a coffee, and one of those entertainment lawyer types comes over, puts his hand on Bridges’ shoulder, squeezes, and says, “We’re really glad you’re here.”
Wish I could have said the same.