Posted on July 8, 2009 by betsylerner
This just in from a reader:
Hi Betsy,
My agent just sold my first book. I’m trying to act like a grown-up, but really, I feel like peeing my pants. Question: is there something special I should do to show my appreciation (besides, of course, forking over the commission?)
Thanks, K
Dear K: Congratulations to you and your agent. I know my readers would love to know what the book is, how many publishers were vying for it, how many millions the publisher is giving you as an advance. But we’re too polite to ask.
How do you thank an agent? Say it with flowers. Scotch if your agent is a dude.
One more thing: remember this feeling. You will never love your agent more than in this moment, or feel the earth a more benevolent place than now. This will eventually fade and be replaced with resentment (”forking over the commission”), disappointment, neglect and despair.
Love, Betsy
Filed under: Agent, Publishing | 3 Comments »
Posted on July 7, 2009 by betsylerner
For the record, I actually had a superb day. 
Pitched a new project this morning and felt…hopeful. Later, some excellent dish at my agents’ lunch. Apparently, on a publishing panel at a writer’s conference, an agent, who unfortunately has to go unnamed, got up FOUR times during the panel because he was in the middle of an auction and his Blackberry was vibrating more than a Magic Fingers in the Tenderloin.I hope I can pull off a stunt like that when I’m on the agents’ panel at Tin House next week. That’s more than agenting — it’s performance art. We were going to talk about the Endeavor/William Morris merger, but we forgot to. Yawn.
Later that same day, I ran into my client on the street, coming from an interview with Leonard Lopate. He’s from Vermont 
and I rarely get to see him. I bought him a sandwich and we commiserated on the state of publishing. This guy won THREE major literary prizes last year and still no review from the NYT. What’s up with that?
And, finally, went to a kick ass party for the launch of Josh Lyon’s first book, PILLHEAD. My colleague, his agent, Erin Hosier hosted the bash and it was filled with people who all looked fantastic. They even had a special drink called “The Pillhead” made with Absolut Pear, lime, maybe a little Fresca and I think a few oxy’s thrown in for the hell of it.
Then, as providence would have it, walking back to the office through Washington Square Park under a darkening sky, my shuffle delivered up Simple Twist of Fate.
Filed under: Agent, Books, Client | 1 Comment »
Posted on July 6, 2009 by betsylerner
A writer from New Hampshire asks: how do I know when my novel is finished?
Dear Live Free or Die:
Poke it with a fork and see if the juices run clear.
It’s a really tough question. I don’t have any answers, just some guidelines. First, whenever it is you think are “done,” put it away for a month. A whole month, and then look at it again. You just might gain some perspective for starting the revision process.
Get feedback. Give it to three or four readers (not anyone you’re sleeping with, or the person who gave birth to you). Sometimes a writer will tell me that all of his readers had different opinions and now she’s more confused than ever. I think that indicates that the writer has yet to control the story, has not yet gotten his readers where he wants them: in the palm of his hand. If all your readers tell you that the ending doesn’t work, it probably doesn’t work. If everyone hates a certain character, you need to develop that character more deeply so that we come to love his or her flaws.
Also, if you have a nagging suspicion that it’s not quite there, it’s not quite there. I think a lot of people write without being completely certain what it is they are trying to say, the writing itself is a kind of reckoning or awakening or grappling with. But when you think it’s done, you should have some clear idea of what it is you wanted to say. What is the operating metaphor? One of my favorite quotes (paraphrased here) is by Bernard Malamud who said he wrote the first draft to get it out, the second to improve the prose, and the third draft to compel it to say what it still needed to say.
Then, I gather, it’s done.
Filed under: FAQ, Writing | 1 Comment »
Posted on July 5, 2009 by betsylerner
I’m not going to say anything about our move, all the things that went wrong, or how Comcast has taken out a restraining order on me. That’s between me and my internet provider.
What I will say is that my new home office is beautiful. It’s a third floor attic room with a pretty alcove just big enough for the sculptor’s stand I found in the attic of my old house. And atop it, my beloved American Heritage Dictionary.
Filed under: Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
Posted on July 2, 2009 by betsylerner
The best thing about getting published, aside from the heaps of cash, are the fan letters. One of my clients recently forwarded a fan letter he received with the note: makes it all seem worthwhile. I knew exactly what he meant. When all the dust settles, the reviews (good, bad or non-existent), the sales (good, bad, or non-existent), the expectations dashed, the dreamed of prizes and literary acceptance proven elusive, you might be lucky enough to receive some letters from readers who felt you understood them, maybe even changed them, entertained them, and finally compelled them to write to you and say as much.
I have this fantasy when I’m in the nursing home, wearing purple and smoking Marlboro’s, that I’ll read through all the great letters I’ve received. The best one was typed on a plain white postcard with one single sentence across it: What a fine book is The Forest for the Trees. I taped it on the wall next to my desk. I don’t look at it for encouragement or succor. It’s the look of letters banged out on an old typewriter and the odd syntax that give me hope.
Filed under: Books, Client, The End of the World as We Know It | 1 Comment »
Posted on July 1, 2009 by betsylerner
When Betsy asked us to write this post we were very estatic to have this wonderful and amazing opportunity. All though we had to cancel a bundle of important events that we had our personal secretaries arrange, we cancelled due to the noteworthiness of this cause. While we were pondering what to write about, we took a stroll down memory lane. We remembered all of the dull novels that were mandatory for us to scrutinize. As middle schoolers, we sensed the library selection was less then acceptable and barely up to par, not to mention the appalling obligatory books. We undoubtably value reading classics, it’s great to read books that have the finger prints our family’s past engraved into the surface of the pages. Reading modern books is appreciable too, but why would we want to read random books that only some ignorant librarian would want to waste their time on. NO YOU DIDN’T. Oh yes we did. With all of the school work we encounter, we need utilize the precious time we have to dive into a well written book that is enthralling as well. Luckily we will be deparating from the from the uninspiring, colorless orbit of nothing… as you can see it might be relatively hard to fathom the dislike that we behold for this selection of literature. But hard to decipher or not, it’s the truth. We believe that people should not underestimate the juvenile community and value their opinions on written works. We have high expectations and they must be met by all of you middle school librarians and teachers out there. So please, value our opinion because we our the future of all literary greatness.
Luv,
Your Best Friendz
M&R (age 12)
Filed under: Uncategorized | 8 Comments »
Posted on June 30, 2009 by betsylerner
I am writing from my childhood bedroom. Some of the books that still line the shelves: The Yearling, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, On the Road, The Tempest, Rabbit Run, Deliverance, The Tales of Edgar Allan Poe, The Ox-Bow Incident, Franny and Zooey, Final Harvest: Emily Dickinson’s Poems, and Hooray for Yiddish.
When cars come down Northrop Road, their headlights ricochet through the room’s corner windows. Tucked into my bed, at ten years old, I often imagined I was Anne Frank as the high-beams circled the room, soon to be followed by angry Nazi boots on the stair. Only we lived in a ranch. Later, I imagined a Helter Skelter scenario in our suburban neighborhood; when I learned that Sharon Tate was murdered on MY BIRTHDAY, I nearly plotzed*. But my most terrifying fantasy of all was imagining that we were the Clutter family, waiting to be murdered in our sleep by some two-bit criminals immortalized in one of my favorite books of all time.
I know, it explains a lot.
*Plotz: plats (standard) Yinglish, with juice. Rhymes with “dots.” German: platzen: to burst.
- Bust, burst, explode (”I laughed so hard I thought I would plotz!”)
- To be aggravated, frustrated, or infuriated to an extremity. (”He was so furious he almost plotzed!”)
–from Hooray for Yiddish, Leo Rosten
Filed under: Books, The End of the World as We Know It | 3 Comments »
Posted on June 29, 2009 by betsylerner
Nation, tonight on The Colbert Report, please check out Neil de Grasse Tyson. Yes, he’s the guy on Nova, the director of the Rose Center and Hayden Planetarium, author of Merlin’s Tour of the Universe, Death by Black Hole, and the Pluto Files among others. He’s the guy who downgraded Pluto’s cold ass from beloved planet to icy comet, and thereby became Public Enemy #1 to fifth graders everywhere. Most important, People named him sexiest astrophysicist of the year.
Filed under: Client, Media | Leave a Comment »
Posted on June 28, 2009 by betsylerner
I know, with the cinematic magic out there like The Hangover, The Proposal, and Year One, it’s no one’s fault but my own that I went to see My Sister’s Keeper.
So, I go up to the candy counter and order two small popcorns. The well meaning girl with a jagged part and tilted visor says brightly, “For twenty five cents more you could have a medium.” No thanks.
Then, I order a water and a small iced tea. “For fifty cents more,” she says, still upbeat, “You could have a large.”
What’s up with that? Why can’t I be trusted to know what size beverage or popcorn I want? How many people actually “upgrade” upon hearing of these tremendous savings?
Then, she asks me what movie I’m seeing. Why? For a quarter more could I run the fucking studio? For fifty cents more sit on Robert DeNiro’s lap? For seventy-five cents more tell Hugh Grant that it’s really okay if he doesn’t want to star in my screenplay. I’m over it, really.
Filed under: Film, The End of the World as We Know It | 3 Comments »
Posted on June 24, 2009 by betsylerner
Amy L. from Los Angeles asks: How do I know if my agent is doing a good job? What can I expect?
God did not create all agents equally, and likewise no two clients need exactly the same thing from their agent. So having a good working relationship is as much about the right fit as anything else. If you can communicate easily with your agent and you feel he or she is responsive, then you’re ninety percent of the way there.
I would think the basic services include:
- Editorial feedback on the proposal or novel, readying it for submission.
- Keeping you apprised of the submission process, including which editors are considering, how many, the game plan, handling rejections, parlaying interest into an auction.
- Removing sharp objects from your medicine chest if the book doesn’t sell.
- If it does, negotiating your contract.
- At least one good lunch.
- Exploit ancillary rights such as audio, film, translation, etc.
- Read the manuscript when it’s done, or in stages as you write.
- Run interference if there is a breakdown in communication between you and your editor/publisher.
- Generate ideas , where possible, to promote/support the publication.
- Attend the book party and/or reading. (I’ve been in the doghouse for failing to make a few parties. C’mon, I live in New Haven!)
- Again, remove sharp objects if the book sinks without a trace.
- Brainstorm new ideas for your next book.
Guess which agent went on to become a star of stage and screen, or more precisely an author, an hilarious fixture on the Jon Stewart Show, and a shill for Apple?
Filed under: Agent, Client | 1 Comment »
