Betsy Lerner

Be Mice Elf Agin

Posted on November 6, 2009 by betsylerner

I'm her bitch.

A client just called in a panic: she needed help with her acknowledgments. She didn’t want to say too much, say too little, be too corny, or too cool. Should it begin with a little narrative or launch in to the list of people she needed to thank? Did I want to be called Betsy or Elizabeth, should she refer to me as her editor, agent, friend, her dodo, her bitch? It took a few minutes but we figured it all out. As we were about to hang up, she said, you’re with me right to the end.

Hope you all have a good writing weekend. Kill it.

Filed under: Client, Protocol | 2 Comments »

You’re Leaving There Too Soon

Posted on November 5, 2009 by betsylerner

Thanks so much for all the great comments yesterday.

Some of you may remember that before I moved house in June, I sent out ten copies of my script, Sugar Mountain, to indie producers and George Clooney. Much silence. Fast forward to the third week in August.

Cell phone rings. A woman with a British accent introduces herself. Her name is the same as Lear’s youngest daughter. As a result, I ascribe great character to her; how could a woman with that name speak anything but truth?

Indeed, she has called to say that my script has gotten great coverage and that the top people at the production company would be reading it that weekend. She would be back in touch in two weeks. I did what any sane, seasoned writer would do: I started drafting my Oscar speech.

You know what happens next: they never get in touch. I send a friendly email, like hey, have you had chance to read that script, you know the one with the great coverage?? No answer. Fortunately, I know how to go fuck myself.

Now it’s November, I finally, I start my new script. Then, I impulsively shoot off an email to Lear’s true daughter. I ask if she has any feedback for me, and if she would be interested in my new script, Loneliness 2.0, which I lie and say is weeks away from being finished. Here is her reply (yes, a reply!):

HI Betsy–

So the news on Sugar Mountain is that we think it is unusually good, and I want to encourage you with that. It is and truly engaging story with intricate and well-developed characters. The trouble is we don’t think we can take it on as the story’s themes do not resonate with enough of the team here, and we feel we would not do it justice if that is the case. We also have a very full slate which we are struggling to get into production. Anyway we are very pleased to have come across your work, and we would be prepared to read more. Re. Loneliness 2.0, please could you send a one paragraph description of the story. We’ll take it from there.

I wonder what you make of this little exchange.I feel kind of jerked around since it seems like they were never going to get back to me. How do you all handle it? I guess I should be grateful they got back at all. I never heard from the other eight, or Clooney for that matter.

Filed under: Rejection, Uncategorized | 14 Comments »

Keep Your Day Job

Posted on November 5, 2009 by betsylerner

“Keep your day job,” was the working title for The Forest for the Trees. In fact, it’s the title I sold the project with. Obviously, what I meant was that you can’t expect to make a living from your writing alone. The percentage of writers who do is infinitesimal. The title was too negative and no longer reflected the book once I finished it, but there’s something in that title that I want to talk about.

I’m assuming many readers of this blog work full time jobs and write “on the side.” That would describe me. I think I may be less frustrated than many because my “day job” involves what I love most: writers, writing, books, editing, etc. But it’s still really difficult to turn off the job and indulge my own creative impulses. This is why I’m one of those pre-dawn writers. I work best before anything or anyone else crowds my brain.

When I worked at Simon and Schuster, there was an assistant who will go unnamed (Rick Moody) who reputedly wrote most of his first novel in his cubicle. The rest of us were outraged that he “could get away with that.” In truth, I was deeply envious that he could put his work first, that he had to. God knows I’ve been writing my whole life, my first diary dates to age 8. And I did put my writing front and center when I got my MFA. I can still recall having my poetry collection spread out on the floor, pacing in my bathrobe, rearranging the collection for days. Oh, that was heaven. But since then, I’ve worked full-time. In other words, I have not quit my day job.

What I’m asking is: if you have a day job, are you in agony where your writing is concerned?

Filed under: Writers, Writing | 39 Comments »

For Some Reason I Can’t Explain

Posted on November 4, 2009 by betsylerner

Blurb? Will do!

I’m working late. Contracts, paying bills, rejecting, er considering, query letters. I’ve got to send out a manuscript for blurbs and I’m stumbling on the letter. Asking for blurbs is the worst part of the job. It’s usually in the editor’s purview to get the blurbs, but I usually help out when I know a writer. Did I ever tell you how I found a galley for a book I edited in a used bookstore and within the galley was my letter asking an author for a blurb. Agh.

Sorry, I don't give blurbs. It's a policy.

Once, I gave a blurb to a book I didn’t like that much because I’m a good egg, I guess. When the book came out, it had five other blurbs on the jacket from writers far more significant than I will ever be. I was flattered to be in such blurb company. Blurb company? Was the book better than I realized, or was the writer super connected. You can’t blow that many writers, or can you?

Filed under: Publishing, The End of the World as We Know It | 11 Comments »

Make a Wish

Posted on November 3, 2009 by betsylerner

Today, I’m having breakfast with one of my best friends in publishing. I had just started at a new publishing house and from the moment I walked in, I felt I had made a mistake. I had come from a very literary house and this place was all about the foil embossed jackets. As I walked up and down the halls, editors were busy on the phones, etc. I felt like the girl with the tray at the fifth grade cafeteria. Then, tucked around a corner beyond editorial row, I saw a door covered in jacket proofs — each one more alluring than the next, for their wit, for their elegance, for their snap, crackle and pop. I was determined to befriend the editor within. He was determined to keep away. I have that effect on people. Eventually, I wore him down, and for a time I believed we were evil twins.

Then I left my career as an editor and as all partings go, it was unclear who I would remain friends with, who would drift away. Was the bond dependent on working for the same oppressors? Was it geographically determined? Would there be a perfunctory post-departure lunch and then…nothing? Today is my friend’s birthday. We’ve known each other for fifteen years. He still kills me. Happy Birthday, dude.

Filed under: Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

Everything About You Is Bringing Me Misery

Posted on November 1, 2009 by betsylerner

Weekend reading report:

Dysfunctional family memoir – pass

Abused farm animals - pass

Hooker mother-in-law – pass

Multi-generational saga – pass

Client’s second novel - Ten huge steps forward from first book which was great. Thrilling when that happens. Some writers seem to write the same book over and over, so watching a writer spread her wings is hugely exciting and encouraging for a long-term career.

Two revised chapters from new client - Better than I had hoped for. Again, swoon. So many writers say that they are taking your edits, but many return with a slightly altered manuscript. When someone figures out a way to take your notes and go beyond your expectations, then the whole process gets energized.

Weekend Movie Report:

A Serious Man: Kafka meets Woody Allen by way of the Coen Brothers. I have always wanted to be a Coen brother. Please see this movie, esp if you’re from a shtetl, as I am.

Weekend Shopping Report:

Went to buy a computer with the huge pay day I got for my revision. (I’m a firm believer in only buying new computer equipment with money you make from writing.) Couldn’t decide. The kid who helped me had the most profound case of chapped lips.

Two packages of Printworks Multipurpose 750 sheets of printer paper from Target. I still can’t read on screen (so if you were thinking of getting me a Nook for Xmas, I’m afraid it’s back to the drawing board).

Ugg moccasins. (A treat I gave myself for a ginormous sale this week. I know, quite the come down from my Prada’s but so comfy.) I call them my Fuck Me Mocs.

Filed under: Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

Treat

Posted on October 30, 2009 by betsylerner

Just in time for the holiday I most hate, here are some bites from this week’s round up in PublishersMarketPlace.com that give me a scare:

Witchy Woman! From the Grammy Award-winning producer of Fleetwood, the ”cleverly” titled STARTING RUMOURS, an oral biography revealing the tempestuous story of the making of Fleetwood Mac’s album “Rumours.” Oral indeed!

ADVENT CONSPIRACY: Can Christmas Still Change the World?, a “call to celebrate Christmas in a meaningful and transformative way by worshipping fully, spending less, giving more and loving all.” Is it me, or is the title a little misleading? And what’s this about spending less and giving more? I hate that.

SEXY CHRISTIANS, a guide for couples to understand and embrace the hope, healing and healthy sexuality God intended for their marriages. I can’t wait for the sequel, Sexy Jews. Sorry, everything that just flashed through my mind is too depraved for even me to write.

It wouldn’t be Halloween without HUNGRY FOR YOUR LOVE: An Anthology of Zombie Romance, with new stories by zombie masters. Zombie masters? Sounds like an undead golf championship.

DEAD CITY is about a…zombie plague!! In Texas!!! The living dead’s numbers are growing and the ranks of the infected are breaking out of the quarantined zones and into neighboring states. I hate when that happens.

Filed under: Books | 3 Comments »

Take a Meeting

Posted on October 29, 2009 by betsylerner

One of my beloved clients allowed as to how he was hurt that I hadn’t written about him. Let’s correct that now. On Tuesday, he and I went to his publisher’s office for a meeting with the publicity and marketing people. Publishers will not always grant these meetings unless you are McKenzie Phillips. And sometimes, bringing a writer in can do more damage than good. Not in this case, my client is handsome, articulate, charming, in other words, eye-candy for the literary set.

The office began to look like the inside of a clown car: one person after another kept coming in. The Publisher, the editorial director, the associate publisher, the publicity director, the publicist, a web person and later their Amazon sales person. Most everyone had read the book! Brainstorming about the jacket ensued! Ideas were exchanged about how to reach the market! It went on and on. This is not your average meeting. And my client is not Mckenzie Philips. (Can’t have everything.)

I was really grateful that the publishing team came together for my client. It’s a shit-all climate out there for selling books and everyone is pulling back. This publisher has been very successful. What’s key, I think, is having a publishing team, like a ball club, that believes in itself where the various players respect one another. At some of the publishing houses where I worked, certain employees weren’t above crucifying a colleague in a full conference room or behind her back in a bathroom stall. I’m telling you, it was very Gossip Girl. Fun, but the books suffered.

Afterward, I had lunch with my client. The waiter reminded me of a guy at my alternative camp who I had a crush on.

Filed under: Agent, Authors, Publishing | 7 Comments »

Priceless

Posted on October 28, 2009 by betsylerner

The holidays are upon us and one reader wants to know:

Could you spill all, please, on gifting standards for agents at Christmas/holidays? Like maybe a continuum, from just started working
together, haven’t sent the mss out yet, to sold book one, etc. Dos, don’ts? Ask the assistant?

This was too much for little old me, so I consulted her holiness, Amy Vanderbilt. She has a section on business gift giving, but it’s pretty tedious, “There are no hard and fast rules governing the giving of gifts in an office but you must use good judgment.” Oh, okay. Later she counsels, “If you receive a present that smacks of sexual innuendo or bribery, return it immediately. Don’t even keep it for the day.” Not even a few hours? Send back the Hitachi Magic Wand! Now!

Sidebar: On page 386, in the section on weddings, Vanderbilt has a sketch of a “Jewish grouping at a chuppah” showing where everyone stands in relation to the rabbi. In case you didn’t know, the maid of honor does NOT stand next to the groomsman who she will later ball in the coatcheck room. Just saying.

Where does this leave us? I say a card is always nice. A bottle of wine. A St. Dunkin’s gift card. Every year my favorite client sends a box of fruit from Harry and David and the whole office loves it. Lots of chocolate arrives in fancy boxes which I can’t eat because I’m allergic to nuts and half that crap has marzipan in it. But everybody else loves it. If your agent got you a seven figure deal, I’d spring for the Teucher Deluxe Gift Box. If you just started working together, maybe an A-Rod Bobble Head. One client gave me a Waterman pen, but that wasn’t for Christmas. I would never ask an assistant what to get, at least not our assistant who is at a Pearl Jam concert tonight and sometimes eats an entire box of cereal in one sitting at his desk. Other ideas: book ends, paper weights, letter openers, stationery, you see where I’m going with this. I would stay away from that catalogue company Levenger just because all their stuff looks like the last person who used it was dead. I think the coolest gift I ever got was a Ouiji board by a client whose novel featured a scene with a Ouiji. I use it as my desk blotter and often consult the spirits when selling a book.

Bottom line: if you give with your heart you won’t spend as much money.

Filed under: Protocol | 9 Comments »

I’m Walking On Sunshine

Posted on October 27, 2009 by betsylerner

My editor called today to say that she liked the work I did on the revision for The Forest for the Trees. Especially the ending. I no longer thought it worked, too overblown, but I kept moving paragraphs and sentences around like the wheel of a combination lock, hoping they would click into place if I got each sentence lined up just so. Finally, I scrapped it and started fresh. I think doing that is almost always the best solution to pages that have been over-worked.

So, dearest darling beloved readers of this blog. FFTT will come out next fall. I owe you a lot for helping me find my mojo again as the ever positive and cheerful promoter of writers and all things bookish. We will have to have a party. I may even get a fresh quantity of customized pencils made. I know you want them. You do.

One last piece of business. Check this out from today’s PublishersMarketPlace new deals column:

FICTION: DEBUT

Laurie London’s BONDED BY BLOOD, the first in her Sweetblood series, about a vampire warrior who must protect a human woman with a particularly delicious blood type from the vampire predators who hunt her, to Margo Lipschultz at HQN, in a two-book deal, by Emmanuelle Alspaugh at Judith Ehrlich Literary Management (World).

That coulda been us. ‘Nuff said.

Filed under: Books, Publishing, Writing | 17 Comments »